Do You Love Me for Who I Am, or for What I Do?

I had breakfast with Rev. Deborah Johnson and Valerie Joi Fiddmont yesterday morning talking about the God & Gays conference. They are both in the documentary along with Mel White, Darlene Bogle and Mary Lou Wallner, all established leaders in this issue.

So, we start talking about how there seemed to be in our growing up within the christian church an intentional separation between sexual identity and spirtiuality. Latest example? A Dr. Phil episode. A woman was on saying she is a PK (pastor's kid) and at 18 had strong sexual feelings for her boyfriend. When they slept together, she felt such guilt that 10 days later they married. She's not on Dr. Phil telling the world how great their marriage is...even after kids of course. She's miserable. He's miserable. The kids are miserable.

Anyway, back at breakfast, Rev. D said that with that kind of learning, that kind of indoctrinating, the question deep down becomes for all of us, no matter the struggle we're in: do you love me for who I AM or for what I DO? If I know in my own personal truth that I'm gay but learned this after kids and marriage, I may fear how my husband and my parents or other family members may handle the news. Is it noble to stay in the marriage to please everyone else's agenda of what I should do knowing I cannot love my husband fully as he deserves and vice versa, having that lack of affection between parents be the norm for my kids and lose those years in a waiting game? Live in a broken home or rise up out of one? How do I live authentically, as I am, for who I am amidst these consequences? Some of us know the answers, especially if we're not in the situation...easier said than done.

Nonetheless, the lesson, the challenge and the question remains. The people who love me will love me for who I am: perfect, whole and complete. A work of art uniquely created by God. People who ask me to pretend or "do" something that isn't me and I oblige is my choice but also my situation that I create. If I'm unhappy, I made the choices to get myself there. If I'm not happy, I sure know that the people around me aren't either...not the kind of life I want (and choose) to live. But, I can choose differently. I work on being me and the fruit will bear from there. That's where faith helps me a lot. I gotta love me for who I am and not what I do too. I can't ask anyone else to do that until I can do it for myself. Rock on...