Gender Identity Crisis and Dr. Phil

On Wed Jan 17, Dr. Phil had a show on gender identity crisis. He opened the show with a transgender female to male (FTM) who had felt like a man all her life and wanted to have her breasts surgically removed in order to feel more comfortable and right with her body. She then plans on living fully as a man. Her mother and aunts are firmly against it. They handled her being a lesbian, but this is too much for them and feel they need to stop her...even though they don't understand why she wants the transformation. They don't need to, understanding isn't necessary, but support and compassion is. Do they love and want to protective their relative, absolutely no question...it's just how they go about it and being blinded by the boundary of where they stop and the other person starts.

The first thought we had while seeing the episode was of excitement since we rarely hear of Dr. Phil acknowledging GLBT people and their struggles in a somewhat ignorant society. But, as soon as I saw how they placed the stage furniture and how it was three of the trans' relatives against her, facing each other in opposition, it was going to get ugly and ugly it did get. Was there violence or hatespeech? No. But nevertheless abuse. Verbal abuse came from the trans' aunt who actually had brought a Bible with her on the show. They were raised Catholic and there's actually a good few minutes were the aunt said over and over again that Jesus will quench her desires of the lifestyle and to just accept God and Jesus into her heart.

It sounds sweet, caring and loving on the surface. But here's the rub: it was making the judgment and assumption that the trans FTM wasn't already in divine alignment. The assumption is that if someone is GLBT, they aren't in relationship and obedience to God when the opposite is almost always true, which is why they come out. While the aunt went off, the FTM tried to explain that her God is a loving God and Jesus is in her heart already but the aunt kept going to the point that the FTM just sat there, battered and shut down, ganged up against.

What breaks our hearts the most on this is that Dr. Phil didn't intervene. He didn't stop the aunt from these horrific assumptions. He didn't tell the family to go to PFLAG, to seek out their own resources to find a way to love their relative through this process no matter what, he didn't offer them counseling, he didn't put the harmful behavior in check, he didn't make them accountable to their judgment, reminding them that their lack of comfort around this surgical decision is their own, it has NOTHING to do with the FTM person. It's their own baggage and discomfort and they're pushing it onto the FTM, which will just drive the FTM into more isolation, anger and who knows what - but it won't be beneficial.

The FTM probably trusted she was in a safe and protected environment and then wasn't protected at all, while on a national television show, vulnerably talking about body parts and orientation.

The rest of the stories, Dr. Phil was more compassionate and understanding which was fantastic to see. My heart just ached for the the FTM and it's because this kind of situation is happening all over the country, we made the film and are touring. We've asked Dr. Phil's show for permission to show portions of the episode so if you missed it, you can catch up on it. We'll let you know when we have it available.

Overall, we're still thrilled Dr. Phil did this show. I think talking about these issues and putting human faces to them is crucial to the solution so we're grateful he took them on and showed areas of the conversation that still needs some work.