At our appearance last night, some friends came who I've known since my pre-movie days when I worked on-air and in promotions for radio stations around the Bay Area. These guys knew me before, during and after my struggle and have stuck by me. We've stayed in touch, sharing news of other friends who have moved around the country, and I got an update of one DJ that spun my head.
I shared an office with a woman named Phyllis West, that was her on-air name actually when I was the Promotions Director for a rock station. She was the Promotions Director for our sister station, a classic rock format. This was a time in my life that I thought I had everything in control. I had the handsome boyfriend, the degree, the church, the Bible study groups, the job...and was a rather quiet person. Little did I know that I was quite shut down from my emotions.
When Phyllis was hired and I had to split my big office in half to make room for her, I was in for the ride of my life. Phyllis was Jewish, a big partier, crass, loud, opinionated, had sexual encounters I couldn't believe...and I loved her like a big sister. She adopted me quickly as she saw this quiet, mousey Christian girl getting run over by male rock radio types.
We stayed close after I left radio and she changed stations. She broke the rules to run an interview with Luane when Intentions premiered, she broke the rules when she believed the rules were stupid. She was such a strong, full of life personality, I can't believe she's gone.
My friends told me last night she passed away from a rare form of muscular cancer in Connecticut (she had been DJing in Tennessee most recently).
Phyllis was only 44. She owned ferrets. She was bluntly honest about everything. She had strong principles and ALWAYS stood up for what was right. She new people in the S&M community and told me all about it: the culture, the safe words, the rules. Who is unabashedly honest like that? She smoked, she had beautiful eyes, she kept the same hair cut for ever, she once did a body wrap to impress a guy and lose a pound before she saw him and gave me all the gory details of being mummified with ziploc bags on her feet and hands to catch the released toxins liquifying out of her body. She said she looked like a giant ace bandage with glasses.
Phyllis West loved me without judgment. She showed me when I was going through my struggle that straight folks can be trusted and they can and will stand up for gay folks. They will do the right thing. Fortunately, I told her often how much I appreciated her in my life and how much richer it was because of her. She told me often how much I meant to her in teaching her that not all Christians are weird. We loved each other because of our differences, she showed me it is all a matter of maturity and reciprocated appreciation.
Oh, how I miss her. I was planning to see her in May when we will be in Tennessee for a visit. I was in Illinois when her funeral arrangements were being made in Chicago, I didn't even know it. Recently, I've had a number of friends lose someone close to them but I haven't lost anyone close to me in several years, I never would have thought it'd be Phyllis I'd be mourning next.
Thank God we told each other every time we talked how much we appreciated each other. Thank God. The loss still hurts, but I tell ya, every time I meet a new challenge, I'll think of her. She never backed down. She was never afraid and good for her...because of that, she lived fully in her very short life. Go big or go home. Live out loud. Always do the right thing. Thanks Phyllis.
Here's an excerpt of her last email to me. May we all have these people in our lives:
Love you both and wish you all the goodness in the WORLD!
I have your invite on the outside of my cube along with a big sign that says 'THIS CUBICLE SUPPORTS GAY MARRIAGE." I will tell you that I get many, many eyebrow raises as people in this conservative forsaken state pass by. I can't believe I live here.
Love you honey...always your friend.
Phyll
Posts
1 comment:
Is marriage a religious institution?
I feel at times I am the only gay person that is not satisfied by the term “civil union”. To me it feels like a consolation prize given as a means of pacifying gays. Throw them a few crumbs as their used to and they’ll shut up. Truthfully, I hope that we gay men and woman will not stop at gay unions and go after what we deserve, gay marriage. I am saddened but not surprised that many gays are willing to accept second class citizenship after all it is what we are accustomed to. Our entire gay civil rights movement that is being courageously fought by a very few, has been about equal rights, not just some rights. This of course means marriage as well.
We should not be satisfied by civil unions. Unions are not equal. It’s unfortunate that this have become political as did the civil rights movement back in the 60’s. Even the politicians that are privately in favor of gay marriage are afraid to speak openly about it, with the exception of a few impassioned politicians that have a strong sense of integrity and a clear view of what is right and wrong.
We cannot look to the bible for any answers regarding equal rights. Those laws were written at a different time and for an ancient culture. It may surprise many to know that gay marriages were widely accepted by the Romans and the Greeks. We also must understand that many of the ancients were a very superstitious people that made many of their laws in regards to those superstitions. We therefore cannot be influenced by scripture. The many books within the bible vastly contradict themselves on many subjects. Which ones should we believe? Many religious institutions have the belief that sexual relations is solely for the purpose of procreation. This is an affront to childless marriages. Are they any less valid? Should they not have sexual relations even though they know it will not produce children? I wonder why God would make sexuality so very pleasurable if it were only for procreation. It wouldn’t need to be enjoyable. The mechanics of sexuality would be all that is necessary. Beside don’t we live in a country that has a law about separation between church and state?
Somebody please help me understand why marriage by many is considered a religious institution. For the sake of discussion I would like someone to tell me why atheists are then eligible for marriage? It seems to me that heterosexual marriages are afforded just about any opportunity and environment they choose to take their vows. Even those damned heathens.
Straight men and woman can choose a church marriage; they can get married underwater, on a mountaintop, by a justice of the peace or even by a ship captain. However, the most romantic and holy place I can imagine to pledge ones vows of love and fidelity, is driving through a drive-in chapel in Las Vegas, as one would order a family meal. Don’t get me wrong. I do love happy meals. The best part is, no one even has to bother to get out of the car. How can one compete with that kind of service? I’ve heard that they even change your oil, but that may be just hearsay.
Has it dawned on anyone that the constitution of the United States says very clearly that all people shall be treated as equal? There are no clauses added to that, such as, except gays. What was stated in that document then still rings very clear yet today and likely for many years to come. We don’t have to look too awfully far back into our history to find examples of how we ignored the constitution for selfish heterosexual Anglo-Saxon citizens so we could still own people. It wasn’t until the early part of the nineteenth century before woman were allowed to vote. Not so long before that, slavery was legal. It wasn’t until nearly fifty years ago that African Americans weren’t allowed to marry whites. If we are to learn anything from our nation’s history, we should then know that whenever we veer off from what that beautifully crafted document for whatever convenient reason, it is eventually overturned and changed for reasons of being fairer. I have still yet to hear a valid reason how gay marriage could negatively impact modern society. I’ve heard that if gays were allowed to marry it would have the potential of destroying traditional marriage. We only have to look at the statistics of the success of “traditional marriages to discover that more than half end up in divorce. Gays did not cause that. Fidelity within marriage has a terrible track record as well. Therefore I would truly like to hear some reasonable argument posed that would make sense why gay marriage ought not be allowed. Thank you, Aaron Jason Silver www.aaronjasonsilver.com; Fennville, Mi 49408 for more information on issues within gay culture please read; “why gay men do what they do”, an inside look at gay culture.
Post a Comment