Consistently Inconsistent

Howdy folks. One of the things I'm continuing to improve in my life is consistency. This comes to mind immediately as I blog for the first time in forever it seems. I miss it actually. I'm in my element when I write (sometimes stream of consciousness in all honesty) blogs, articles and just about everything. It comes with the cost of sitting at a computer however. We're filmmakers, we like to be up and about...using clothespins to hold up gels for lights (called C-47s in "the biz"), eating pizza inbetween takes and waiting for the plane over head to go by so audio is happy.

The other time I feel in my element is when we're doing a Q&A after a screening, teaching at a workshop, and participating on panels. I LOVE it. I taught for 8 years at a university and sometimes I'd only walk into the classroom with a topic and I'd end up with the best discussion and epiphanies I could share...never could happen when I planned it out. It's when I feel most connected to God, actually, which is probably why I'm so happy doing it. I always pray before we start that what is said is what is supposed to be said and always out of love and courage to be authentic. If you've come to a screening, hopefully that resonates with you and your experience with us and the movie.

The reason I mention my moments of being in my element and consistency is because I had a meeting with Rev. Deborah Johnson (she's in the movie) and we had an incredible talk about a million things and one of them was consistency. She helped me realize that when I look at the life stuff I don't enjoy as much and the times I worry or doubt or go chasing after outcomes I seek, I'm making something else my God. She mentioned that when I'm writing, when I'm doing public speaking, that's when I'm making God...God in my life. That's when I am trusting, when I have faith and it has always worked out for the best.

By not taking that faith, that trust, that connection with me in the rest of my life, I'm therefore disconnecting and placing faith in something or someone else...which leads to disappointment, fear, and more. It's like a universe safety measure...make something else your focus and it won't work...guaranteed. Rev. D. talks about how we as humans are charged to "tend the garden" and be careful to not run around and say "we do God's work". God's work is God's, it's not ours. We're to do what it is before us to do. What a relief, huh? As a result, we fit into the rhythm of life as God's work flows through us when we make ourselves available for it by not making our job, our movie (maybe that's just me), our plans, our mate the most important aspect of our focus as it drowns under pressure.

So, in the spirit of what Valerie Joi reminds us in the movie and what Rev. D reminded me yesterday, consistency is the key. Remember how you feel when you're in your element...and take it with you wherever you go.

Luane's a Marathoner in Training

Last week, Luane and I went to my Grandfather's memorial race in their small cowboy town here in California. My grandfather started this race when the town library was having financial difficulty and couldn't buy anymore big print books. Well, my grandmother, the avid reader and wise native american owl she was, read those big print books. They weren't just for her either, she'd read them out loud and record them so my grandfather and his traveling insurance salesmen friends could listen to them...the first audiobooks ever recorded.

My grandfather started running marathons in his sixties, was very active in the local Lions Club and a running club. He gathered his boys together and started a run for the library. After he passed - before his time - they named the race after him. We're proud as a family and reunite every February at the race. It's a special time to me.

Somehow, Luane and I missed the 1 mile run she signed up for and she ended up spontaneously running with me in the 5k. She not only was wearing her ski jacket but she also had to visit the bathroom...during the whole 3.2 miles. She did it. This is a woman who wasn't sure she could do a mile, someone who just a few years ago experienced FIVE car accidents in one year and was on her back for months.

She's truly a miracle. She rehabbed herself and just did a 5k....with a ski jacket on. While on the run, she met Team in Training members of the Leukemia Society. She was moved and fell for the idea that through a team situation, she may be able to handle a half marathon (13 miles).

She comes home, signs up with the local team, and they had been training for two months already. She shows up to the her first run with them and she runs 8 miles. No joke. In two weeks she went to "maybe I can do a mile" to running 8 miles (no ski jacket this time).

She signed up to run an entire marathon in Alaska in June. I'm so incredibly proud of her I can't contain it well. I run with her on her "buddy" runs and love being her cheerleader and number one fan. She's had this goal since last year and hadn't acted on it. Then, it ran along side of her and her ski jacket and she grabbed it.

Funny how life has a knack for showing up at the right time....here's to all the quantum leapers out there running a mile to 26 in whatever you do!

Alexandria - Success & Spheres

Maybe not the most PC of titles, but hey, truth is truth. Thanks to HRC, I flew to Alexandria, VA to be present with a screening of our movie at the Black History Museum hosted by the Alexandria GLCA. They are on fire...going from 30 to 300+ ACTIVE members in a short time, building alliances with Equality Virginia, local UCC churches, Virginia Partisans and many other community and political members.

I was fortunate to meet many of them in my brief stay and I'm a better person for it. I flew all day across the country reading Joe Vitale's Life's Missing Instruction Manual, somehow was sprite with energy when Richard picked me up in Baltimore and we enthusiastically chatted the whole way to VA. We recounted our days growing up in the Church of Christ...me in Oregon and him in Mississippi. We got there in plenty of time and had a wonderful dinner that included jasmine rice and this green bean thing that was to die for.

If you've been keeping up with this blog, you know there's two goals I have to every visit I'm on: eat at a locally owned restaurant and find a chocolate chip cookie (no nuts). Considering I was in VA from 5pm Thurs night until 5am the next morning, I managed to manifest both without even trying.

Greeted by Karen and Lewis who hosted the screening and enjoying the room filling up more and more to the point we had to keep the doors open and squish more chairs along the walls and...well, everywhere. This was the first Q&A I handled solo and although there were times I tried to toss a question to Luane's ghost, I think I did okay. The feedback was fantastic and the audience was very supportive and energized. I LOVED being at the Black History Museum in February with this movie. It was perfect. This is also where I had my first cookie.

During the Q&A, I try to find a way to encourage all of us to, in the words of Rev. D., "take this consciousness and multiply it"....so we are mindful of rippling out this energy and unconditional love and compassion for ourselves and others and not let it be a moment in passing. I retold a story Richard told me of two high school girls who allegedly committed suicide in a flash of Romeo and Juliet moment. One jewish, one a Christian, both women. And they wanted to be together. Taking their lives was how they thought they could be together. Had the screening been two weeks earlier, had someone who understands reconciliation gotten through to them and been a safe space for them....what ifs abound. For those of us in this work, we know how textbook this behavior choice has become, and how it almost became our story.

So that's how I'll wrap up this blog...you never know who's in your sphere of influence who could use your support - and remember, you don't have to understand in order to support - to be who they are, to have a safe space to go to...be out there and you'll be the change you hope to see.

What Happens Here, Happens Everywhere

I just wanted to post some links on what's going on with the UK's Anglican church and the US' Episcopalian church. What's going on reminds me of a friend who visited several churches with me when I moved. She couldn't understand why there were so many churches. After two years of trying every donut we could, she said "why aren't there more churches?" She found many churches the same and for her taste, worship style, etc. she wanted to see more churches. Well, the current chasm is one of many causes of church splits over history. It's hard to see this lesson of focusing on differences rather than our simlarities played over and over in religion. I'm wondering when God's lesson of unconditional love and oneness will finally prevail. Here's what my mother would call, the "2x4 theory" in action...that's why the last song of our movie is called, "Whisper". May we stop and just listen to the whisper.

Gay Christians march against Church homophobia UK The protestors will demand that the Archbishop of Canterbury provide equality for gay and lesbian Anglican Christians worldwide, and for the Catholic church ...

Nigerian Primate has unexpected Valentines Day gay encounter UKArchbishop Peter Akinola, scourge of lesbian and gay people and their supporters in the worldwide Anglican Communion, had an unexpected Valentines Day ...

Last bid to stop Anglican split According to the Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement (LGCM), some 100 bishops worldwide are homosexual, though many are not active. At the centre of the row is The Episcopal Church (TEC), the liberal body representing Anglicans in the US ...The Awakening - http://pietist.blogspot.com/index.html

Gay NZers abandon mainstream religions New Zealand
While mainstream Christian denominations such as Anglican, Presbyterian and Methodist churches refrain from overtly preaching an anti-gay message, ...

Article (Telegraph): gays, marriage and Rowan Williams He had long supported the Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement. His theological attitude to homosexual relations depended in part upon finding in the Bible a condemnation of homosexual acts performed for gratification, but no biblical ...Chelmsford Anglican Mainstream - http://chelmsfordanglicanmainstream.blogspot.com/index.html

We're Planning 2007 God & Gays: The Conference

We are so buzzing around the production office these days...in addition to booking appearances at Universities, churches, conferences and Pride celebrations in 2007, we're also flitting about putting together this year's God & Gays Conference! I am certainly very excited as it's my little baby. The movie is Luane's baby and what she does best and the conference is mine and what I do best. We're great professional as well as personal partners, as you can see.

I'll give you a hint about this year's conference....it'll be in the east side of the US. We're only having one this year and since it's the only one, like an only child, it's getting all the attention and the best stuff thrown at it.

As we get closer to our announcement date in April, I'll drop more clues. It's the best line up I've ever seen on this topic. I'm just blown away at the energy, enthusiasm and talent that's involved. All of us working on it are very clear in our intention to make it historical, unique, mind-blowing, heart-changing and life-altering.

So far, so great. It's hard for me to keep such an exciting secret until the time is right, but I'm gonna try. Just know that it's coming and to keep a vacation day free to attend. Start budgeting the airfare and hotel so you have a clear path to be there, no obstacles.

Intend to be there. Really. You will not want to miss this conference, it's like no other...

Gender Identity Crisis and Dr. Phil

On Wed Jan 17, Dr. Phil had a show on gender identity crisis. He opened the show with a transgender female to male (FTM) who had felt like a man all her life and wanted to have her breasts surgically removed in order to feel more comfortable and right with her body. She then plans on living fully as a man. Her mother and aunts are firmly against it. They handled her being a lesbian, but this is too much for them and feel they need to stop her...even though they don't understand why she wants the transformation. They don't need to, understanding isn't necessary, but support and compassion is. Do they love and want to protective their relative, absolutely no question...it's just how they go about it and being blinded by the boundary of where they stop and the other person starts.

The first thought we had while seeing the episode was of excitement since we rarely hear of Dr. Phil acknowledging GLBT people and their struggles in a somewhat ignorant society. But, as soon as I saw how they placed the stage furniture and how it was three of the trans' relatives against her, facing each other in opposition, it was going to get ugly and ugly it did get. Was there violence or hatespeech? No. But nevertheless abuse. Verbal abuse came from the trans' aunt who actually had brought a Bible with her on the show. They were raised Catholic and there's actually a good few minutes were the aunt said over and over again that Jesus will quench her desires of the lifestyle and to just accept God and Jesus into her heart.

It sounds sweet, caring and loving on the surface. But here's the rub: it was making the judgment and assumption that the trans FTM wasn't already in divine alignment. The assumption is that if someone is GLBT, they aren't in relationship and obedience to God when the opposite is almost always true, which is why they come out. While the aunt went off, the FTM tried to explain that her God is a loving God and Jesus is in her heart already but the aunt kept going to the point that the FTM just sat there, battered and shut down, ganged up against.

What breaks our hearts the most on this is that Dr. Phil didn't intervene. He didn't stop the aunt from these horrific assumptions. He didn't tell the family to go to PFLAG, to seek out their own resources to find a way to love their relative through this process no matter what, he didn't offer them counseling, he didn't put the harmful behavior in check, he didn't make them accountable to their judgment, reminding them that their lack of comfort around this surgical decision is their own, it has NOTHING to do with the FTM person. It's their own baggage and discomfort and they're pushing it onto the FTM, which will just drive the FTM into more isolation, anger and who knows what - but it won't be beneficial.

The FTM probably trusted she was in a safe and protected environment and then wasn't protected at all, while on a national television show, vulnerably talking about body parts and orientation.

The rest of the stories, Dr. Phil was more compassionate and understanding which was fantastic to see. My heart just ached for the the FTM and it's because this kind of situation is happening all over the country, we made the film and are touring. We've asked Dr. Phil's show for permission to show portions of the episode so if you missed it, you can catch up on it. We'll let you know when we have it available.

Overall, we're still thrilled Dr. Phil did this show. I think talking about these issues and putting human faces to them is crucial to the solution so we're grateful he took them on and showed areas of the conversation that still needs some work.

Out in America Reviews God & Gays

We're heading to Columbus, OH next week and a writer for Out in America did a review on our film. He lives in Columbus so I hope he'll come to the screening and we get to meet him to say thank you.

We appreciated his comments on the movie and the powerful endorsement he gives at the end of the article. We can see that our intentions with the movie are being met when we see press print back to us what we're wanting to accomplish, and they get it from the movie, on their own. The author says, "God and Gays is powerful and attitude-altering and is the cornerstone of new awareness of the diversity in the LGBT community and the issues within that are so troubling. Socially and politically rousing, I recommend this film for those who are struggling with religion, sexuality, and family acceptance. It could save your life, a loved one or familial relationships; that’s worth the time spent watching."

There's also a posting from a pastor in Tucson who has seen the movie, we're thinking he was at our screening there last October, "Yes, this documentary is very powerful and I know all the hurts and deep wounds of our beloved lgbt community... so I urge every gay and lesbian and straight person to see this film and take your family members. I would also ask that we all return to our houses of worship and stand up and be proud of who we are and we can be faith filled people too. I know, I know you all hate organized religion, but let's be more mature in our living and show the world we are awesome people and GOD loves US too! Now here is the link to the movie: www.godandgaysthemovie.com Let's be a blessings to each other and show the world a better way."

We're so grateful!!

Ya know, it's just inspiring when you make something out of nothing, like a movie, and others see it and get what you're trying to do and say. There's a couple corrections we'd like to offer to the article too. The first is that we only shot Jason Stuart in Los Angeles, the rest of the interviews were in different parts of the country and with folks from all over the place, from Virginia to Arkansas to Colorado to California. The second correction is the movie's attention to fundamentalism. Some folks experience that, yes of course, but people like Laura describe her experiences from the local "non denominational" mega church. We wanted people who were all over the map and she, and myself actually, don't have backgrounds in fundamentalism per se, but in the "seeker-friendly" mainstream churches.

The last correction is the narrow scope mentioned. The movie is actually the opposite. We deliberately didn't mention specific denominations and religious backgrounds because we didn't want people who weren't of those denominations to separate themselves out and say, "oh, well, I'm not Catholic so this doesn't apply to me."

Au Contraire. We made that choice in editing because we found it EXACTLY the same experience, no matter what the denomination and religion. The story is for anyone familiar with any religion that uses written doctrine and/or tradition to control, instead of a relationship with the heart of God. So, we actually were shooting to show the similarities, in order to be consistent with the message of oneness. If you're struggling with this issue, it doesn't matter if your Lutheran, Catholic, Jewish or Hindu. The experience of rejection, isolation, struggle, suicidal thoughts, loss of friends, jobs and family members is exactly the same. That's because we are the same.

The dividing and segmenting doesn't work. The separation between experiences and religions doesn't work. It just creates more division. More, "no one understands what I'm going through" when it's not true. So, let's try something new, getting back to the basics that we're all in this together, as one, as God intended from the beginning.

Thank you again to Out in America, the author and the comments posted. We're honored to be a part of their publication.

Ohio Update - Selling out in 72 hours

Wow. We've been blown away by the response we're getting as we pack up our gear again and start our Spring 2007 tour in Ohio. We tried to fit in Ohio in the fall, but I wasn't satisfied fitting in Ohio. Didn't feel right and I'm sure glad we were patient. Now, we're in Columbus on Jan 23rd and in Toledo on Jan 25th. We're getting some fantastic time to meet with local religious leaders and Equality Ohio. We'll be a part of a fantastic panel at a Columbus jewish temple and then the screening that night. The screening sold out quickly less than a week ago and then they moved it to a larger theatre and in less than 72 hours, they filled it up again. So, please come to the panel and the Toledo showing if you're in the area, seats are still available in Toledo. Go to the God & Gays website for event details.

We learned that Ohio is LAST on the list for being a welcoming state to GLBT people. For example, if you're gay, it doesn't matter how incredible you are at your job, wonderfully personable and loved by your co-workers, you can still be fired just because you're gay. Amazing, isn't it...living in Silicon Valley for awhile, I just can't fathom the justification of such inhumanity. It's no different than if you were too short, too tall, hair was too curly...you could be fired for curly hair. It's the same absurdity. Well, being gay can be offensive and uncomfortable in the workplace? For one, those who are uncomfortable are the ones needing change, not the gay person who's being how God created them. Now if they are gay AND have curly hair....oye.

Alas, there are tremendous shifts going on. King Ave. Methodist church is a huge supporter of the screening and the events are headed by Ohio State University's multicultural center. I'm proud to be associated with these institutions and look forward to blogging from Ohio. We'll let you know how it all goes and we hope to see you at the screenings.

St. John's Atlanta

God & Gays is partners with Soulforce and we get their newsletter which recently had a great list of MLK videos to recommend. Since Mel White founded Soulforce based on Martin Luther King, Jr. and Gandhi principles, I tend to listen to the recommendations. I'm a student of MLK and Gandhi as well, which is one of the reasons we sought out Soulforce first when we barely had the idea for the documentary under way.

They also included a story and prayer vigil on an Atlanta Lutheran pastor who will be in hearings this Friday based on charges put up by a fellow Lutheran pastor. I pasted the story below, as well as the link for more information on the prayer vigil.

We've contacted the pastor and expressed our unconditional support and appreciation for him. We're looking to Atlanta as a tour stop area and if are in that area, let us know so we can notify you when we're heading to town. For now, we'll keep our focus on someone who needs the positive energy and focus. Thanks for caring about strangers. You know what Jesus says about that... :)

On August 8, 2006, Bishop Ronald Warren of the Southeastern Synod filed formal charges with the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) against Pastor Schmeling because of his committed relationship with Rev. Darin Easler. Currently, the ELCA has a policy that excludes gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender persons in relationships from the ordained ministry. The congregation, which stands in solidarity with Pastor Schmeling, prays the ELCA will change its policy or that Bishop Warren will drop the charges before a disciplinary hearing is scheduled to begin on January 19, 2007.

During the hours that the trial is in session, members of St. John's will keep vigil in the sanctuary. Those wishing to keep watch and pray in solidarity during this time with others around the world may register online in blocs of 1 1/2 hour. Your name will appear in the online list, along with others who are in vigil, and will be posted at the church and at the trial site. (You can register anonymously if you wish.) A meditation guide of readings will also be available for printing. Please forward this request to join the online prayer vigil to as many people as possible. We want to demonstrate to the hearing committee and to the ELCA just how many people are watching and praying.

Go to http://stjohnsatlanta.org/prayervigil.php5 to sign up for the prayer vigil.

Gays, Fish & Catholics

There's a knarly public debate going on about the Los Angeles Archdiocese updating the Christian fish symbol to include the rainbow colors, which are used to represent gay pride. Their website is very open about their mission in being inclusive for every person and their faith communities.

One article, and there are many, gives a lot of space to the Biblical Family Advocates' response.

What I find most interesting is the rainbow fish symbol has been used for years...and years for Christian gays and lesbians. The open and affirming churches who make the commitment and proactive decision to participate in gay pride marches every June usually are wearing the pins, and proudly, whether they are gay or straight. As they see there's no difference between the two in their perspective, in their eyes, just like God's. God made us all, end of story. It's not more complicated than that and I still am so very puzzled at the energy, the anger, the money, the hate, the control, the pain that is aggressively utilized to make it more complicated.

I used to teach a media theory class at a California University. I loved it. The discussions we'd have...wow. One idea we'd talk about in depth is the use of master symbols. Master Symbols are things, ideas, objects, images that when used over and over again in a controlled context, establish and stabilize an emotional relationship, allegiance and obedience from people.

Here's an example. What comes to your mind first when I write "nazi". The swastika on a German flag? Hitler? What about the emotions you're feeling? Usually, there's immediate distaste, a sinking feeling in our gut, maybe a rise in heart rate, a scowl on our face...different physical manifestations expressing how feel inside.

So, the fish symbol, as described in the linked article, comes from the Greek word "ixthys" which is an acronym for Jesus Christ is God. I'm sure you've seen the stickers or magnet fish on the back of minivans and SUV's, maybe you've even seen the offshoots of an animal eating the fish as a means to express evolution instead of creationism as the world's beginning.

With the contextual repetition of the fish symbol in Christian and Catholic circles, the value was formed of that segment of society as owning its use and meaning. They defend their permission of free speech to use it as well. When the Darwinists pollute it or apparently the gay community, it's some form of disgrace. As if to say, the usage of the symbol is more important than the people expressing through it. They are allowed to use it and control its meaning, it's for no one else to touch and/or have a different opinion.

It's indicative of the whole debate of religion and spirituality. That religion is more important than the person. The how something is expressed is more important than the who and the what.

The bottom line I used to say to the class is, ultimately, in this example, the fish on the minivan is nothing more than plastic and adhesive. It's only as valuable as we claim it to be. To a retailer of a Christian bookstore, the sticker's value is $2.99. To the Biblical Family Advocates, it's more valuable than human beings wanting to live as how God created them.

I often do motivation checks on myself, making sure I act only out of integrity. When a thing becomes more important than a human being, it's time to chill and do some surrendering to God. There's a lesson there for me to learn and I'm forever a student on this path of life, learning every day.

Congrats to the LA Archdiocese, I'm proud of them for getting the lesson and living out loud, Christ-like.

More of a GLBT community than we realize

We were recently privy to a presentation on how to market to the gay community. I giggled when I heard of the recent publications in the marketing community as it finally turns its focus at a macro level to advertising to the gay community niche. I giggled because this is progress. Having spent time in Silicon Valley, the epicenter of the technological world that makes this blog possible, it's been common practice for YEARS in high-tech to hire whoever was the best in what they do. Corporations figured out a long time ago to be color, religion and preference "blind" when making hiring choices. In order to stay competitive and attract the best minds, if the person was gay or not, didn't matter to the company bottom line. So, I knew when the advertising market started to take the gay community seriously, the barriers built upon discrimination would continue to fall, like the Berlin Wall.

There's so much money at stake at ad agencies, a false move loses millions of dollars. But they are also the risk takers. With more television, film, book and online content created for, by and to the gay community, advertisers are psyched to get a piece of the discretionary income pie in a marketplace oft filled with singles and couples without kids. Cha-ching.

So, here's some stats from the presentation that you may find interesting.

- There's 15+ million GLBT adults (over 18 years old) in the US (this is a severe conservative underestimation)
- Approx 8 million men, 6 million women who self-identify as "out"
- Gays live in 99.3% of the US Counties
- Over 2 million known gay coupled-families with kids under 18, one in four same-sex couples

So, if you're struggling, by sheer numbers, you aren't alone. You are not the only gay person in town. Plus, perhaps this helps make sense why people want the tax breaks and government acknowledgment for marriage...to protect families, in whatever shape and form they may come in.

I have many many more stats and will share them here and there in this blog. For reference on the latest book published on marketing to the gay community, check out Business Inside Out: Capturing Millions of Brand Loyal Gay Consumers

The Gift of an Eraser - Happy New Year & We're Coming to Ohio!

Hi everyone, and happy new year from Luane and I. Thank you again for your support during the fall launch of God & Gays and our first ever tour. Things are really ramping up for our touring schedule which starts Jan 23rd in Ohio. We'll continue to update our website with dates as they become available and don't be shy about emailing our booking folks if you'd like us to come to your University, church, organization.

We're really excited to be working with Ohio State and Equality Ohio on Jan 23rd and then Univ of Toledo on the 25th. We've been working with OSU for several months to get a date locked as they were one of the first to work with us and it's finally happening! We're very excited. One of the reasons we didn't make it to Ohio during the fall was because we would have had to squish them in and I'm not cool with that. I wanted to spend quality time in Ohio, meet with political and religious leaders, be available for trainings and talks. Because of that patience, it's paying off. Our OSU host is doing a phenomenal job rallying the troops like local churches and Equality Ohio and we may have a panel discussion with...well, I shouldn't say until it's finalized. He's a major leader in a major organization nationwide and being in his presence is always an honor. Working with him on reconciliation at a micro and macro level is the best work I can spend my time doing. Stay tuned on details on the events at the Ohio screenings.

In the meantime, here's something to start off your 2007 with self-unity in mind. Thanks to my uncle for posting this on our family's group site:

The Gift of an Eraser

A new year is upon us,
Fresh goals are being set;
But doubts and fears still linger
From past ones we haven’t met.

Erase away those doubts, and fears
That you will not succeed.
Commitment and positive attitude
Are really all you need.

You have it in you to reach your goal,
Of that I have no fear.
So “erase” those mistakes and look ahead
To a new beginning for a new year.

Please take this little eraser
To help you create a clean slate.
Wipe away doubts, fears, and failures.
In 2007, you’re going to be GREAT!

Entering in the new year - Gandhi & cats

Hi guys. I'm sore today and I think I best get used to it. I've been joining in on Luane's workouts with our personal trainer and Luane's been sick so the trainer's had me to focus on and she worked me hard yesterday. The cool part is she does exercises with me without machines, the weight I lift is usually my own, we use stuff around the house like chairs, stairs and walls. Anyway, so I've been running more often lately and after the work out yesterday, I combined errands with exercise and ran this morning to the DVD store (a locally owned one, yes, they do still exist!) to return movies we watched over Christmas. I'm paying high for it now. I've been here on the computer working for a few hours and ugh, my thigh muscles are screaming.

Our two cats are also huddled in the office here with me around the portable heater. They sit around it (or sleep) like a campfire, sm'ores are sure to be next.

The pain of getting my body into better shape coupled with the innocence and simplicity of our cats snoozing got me to thinking of how to mentally and emotionally prepare for 2007. We have so many amazing plans in the works that I'm excited about, I can hardly wait. But wait I will, like recovering from sore muscles, so I enjoy the journey along the way. The simplicity of the cats reminds me of no matter how crazy our calendars get, Luane and I have to keep our focus and remember to do the dishes. The simple, humble tasks are quite meditative for me actually. One of the movies I returned today was Gandhi, the epic film with Ben Kingsley. I study Gandhi, among others, but seeing how this national leader of 300 million people spends his days spinning thread and mud packing goat legs made perfect sense to me. I totally get it.

So, as I head into 2007, I charge into it with a lot of gusto here in 2006. The balance of physical action pulling us more and more into becoming more of who we are now - and the simplicity of smelling the roses (or sleeping by a portable heater) to make sure we don't miss a moment of life available to live.

Best to you as we head to New Year's. Talk to you in 2007, it's gonna be FUN!!!

Episcopalians on the Mend - Update on the Snow People

Hope you all had a WONDERFUL Christmas! Luane and I did, we went to see Pursuit of Happyness and webcam'd with my family in Florida. Luane has a cold, we lit a fire, she had JoJo fall asleep on her (one of our cats), she got me a voice recorder so I can record my article, blog and workshop ideas no matter where I am (will come in handy when we start touring again in January) and I made her a mixed CD and got her the Quantum version of What the Bleep?! Down the Rabbit Hole. See...told you our personal and professional worlds are pretty intermingled.

If you've seen the movie, you've seen the two women standing in the snow while there is a truck behind them that garbage is being thrown into and off camera you can hear a stage being torn down. Ah, yes, the fun of indy filmmaking. Well, we talk about a lot of those behind the scenes anecdotes on our audio commentary track that we haven't released yet. I have a knarly cough when we recorded it so it'll surely be a classic cinema treasure when we release it.

One of the Snow People, Kathy, talks about her estranged relationship with the very kids she raised in the church. They are Episcopalian and if you haven't heard what's going on with that denomination recently, check out one of many articles on the Virginia churches. Anyway, we don't know if this has had an influence on Kathy's kids, but Kathy recently wrote us and gave us an update on how she and her kids are doing. It's perfect to cozy us up as we head into the holidays:

"Things have shifted a little with my kids. My son and I met face to face for the first time in over five years on the day before Thanksgiving. I also met my granddaughter for the first time. We stayed away from the subject of God and Gays for the three hours we were together. It was a beginning. We have exchanged one email each since then. He seems ready to figure out how we can relate now.

My daughter came to see me in October. I had not seen her or her daughter for two years. She said she came to see me to ask for forgiveness for trying to play the Holy Spirit in my life. She has been in therapy and is working through some personal issues.

Both visits made me very grateful that I didn't shut them out or discount my relationship with Donna. They both know that I love them and want relationship with them but... relationship with them is not more important than my living in truth about who I am and the reality that Donna is my partner for life.

I don't know where my relationship with my kids is headed. I do know that both of my granddaughters now know I exist. That feels good. Hopefully they will ask questions that will help to change the world in the years to come."

Be Who You Are and the rest will follow...

The Perfect Christmas Carol - indy style

We have found the ultimate Christmas carol for your viewing pleasure. Check this out and appreciate indy art with us!

Vote for Mel White as Person of the Year 2006

Mel White has been nominated as person of the year by gay.com and is need of your vote. We are obviously very proud of Mel, we're proud of him being a star in our movie, proud of his work with the Equality Ride (along with Jacob Reitan who's also in our movie with his AMAZING parents Randi and Phil) and the release of his book Religion Gone Bad. Mel is the Martin Luther King in the struggle to reconcile religion and homosexuality and Soulforce, based on Gandhi and MLK's teachings, is the vehicle to get people's attention that there's a serious civil rights issue going on right now. Mel receives letters, emails, phone calls and visits from people crying and scared, he gets the letters from people who soon commit suicide or from their family members. He's the guy who's had his life threatened many times because of his standing up for what he believes and his passion for people to be whole and have a relationship with God. Mel is seriously underrated. Being in the same room with him, you can feel his power and his humility. His love and compassion for people is the best Christ-like behavior I've ever experienced first-hand. Please register your vote to help Mel be recognized as Person of the Year....and feel free to add a comment to the bottom of the page and let them know they need to add to Mel's bio that he's in God & Gays: Bridging the Gap and that he has his new book out. How they missed that info, is a mystery. The website's parent company did a feature story on God & Gays just recently! Thanks for your support!

New documentaries coming your way...

We've noticed there are indy filmmakers who, I guess in the spirit of competition, are just unfriendly and only promote themselves. Then there are others who do share, who do want to support colleagues and have realized that there's enough interest and audience for all of our films and works. Have you seen one movie and that's it? Read one book and that was it? I dontinkso. So, we make sure we fall into the latter category and help keep you in the loop of documentaries along our subject that would be helpful to you.

Plus, many people have asked us if we'll do more segmented versions of our movie - for Mormons, for Asian-American people, etc. We've definately toyed with the idea and it's still not out of the realm of possibility. In the meantime, I wanted to let you know of some docs that are in post-production right now and you ought to keep an eye on for their release.

The Truth About God made the short list for Sundance that's happening next month but didn't make it in. It's a movie geared in telling the stories about Mormons and homosexuality. Then there's the latest one from the director of Trembling Before G*d, In the Name of Allah, which was shot in 9 countries, dealing with homosexuality and Muslims. There's a short (22 mins) doc on Asian-American gays and lesbians called In God's House as well.

If you hear of other segmented documentaries you'd like us to know about, please feel free to send a comment to this posting. We love that this silence is being broken and documentary filmmakers are leading the way, I'm proud to be a part of the growing conversation and as Darlene Bogle recently wrote to someone who lives in Ohio and inquired about our film:

"Have you seen the DVD? It's available for purchase now through the website. The film has been received well as it has been shown across the country. Our prayer is that it will open the doors of dialogue and that many in the GLBT community will find help as well as open doors to mainline Christian churches have been judgmental and condemning. I am just one of the folks interviewed on the documentary, but I know that with the birth of this film there is going to be many lives saved that would have drowned in the sea of rejection."

A dolphin told me to have fun

Before Luane and I started on our tour last September, one of the things she, my coach, friends and family had been encouraging me to do is, basically, have fun. "I don't know how to have fun anymore" I whined, and continued, "I've forgotten how." Poor me, huh. Well, part of my "work" I've been doing is realizing consciously these totally unsupportive and victim-based statements coming out of my own mouth. It's a lot of work, to be truly present and realize what you're saying, what we're espousing, what we're putting out there as some sort of truth, but OH does it make a DIFFERENCE!



Well, what better teacher to help me do something about the fun thing, than a spinner dolphin on the Big Island. In September, we were invited to join a group of people we did and didn't know to a house where we'd get up every morning and join the locals in a swim with wild dolphins while they were still awake and very playful, coming in from their night of feeding. We'd leave when the obnoxious tourists would come and the dolphins got tired and started their shut down and low swimming patterns. Did you know that dolphins shut down half their brain and one eye and sleep, then trade off to the other side? How cool is that?



Back to the story. So one morning, we each decided to give the dolphins something to help us heal. Mine was to have fun again. We'd use thoughts and feelings, they'd sonar us. This is the morning they were particularly frisky and the babies were performing such beautiful acrobatics for us, it was just incredible. A small pod started doing their flips right in front of me, as to say, hey, let us demonstrate fun for you, shall we? They kept going and going and I'd cheer them on and laugh. The more they did it, the more I started to cry once I realized what they were saying to me. Disclaimer: I don't advise crying while in the middle of a bay in a snorkel and mask....unpleasant.



After their grand finale, they swam about three in front of me and one, the younger one, looked right at me, square in the eyes and nodded his head, smiling and opening his mouth like Flipper did - he looked so happy, he was actually laughing and having a great time. So, in getting the message, I began bawling in my snorkel and mask, fogging the mask and choking on sea water in the snorkel. I didn't seem to care. I just got healed.



So, what made me think of this four months later is how we are sending out cards saying Happy Holidays. I refuse to let such supportive terms like Happy and Holidays roll off my tongue sterile. I won't take them for granted anymore. On one wrist I wear a bracelet from India, on another one with Chinese characters spelling out happiness in couplehood. I'm getting better at the fun thing and the being happy now thing. Yesterday, I threw a cookie at Luane in jest and having played softball since kindergarten, my aim and speed was right on. I encourage all of us to remember the fun we can create and allow daily. Have a fun and happy holiday everyone.





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Same Sex Couples Struggle for Legal Protection

We're often asked what the differences are with civil unions, domestic partnerships and full marriage rights. Although there's a bazillion resources on the web that'll lay these out (see hrc, lambda legal and others) here's a real sense of what Wisconsin gay couples are facing in light of the 59% passage of the discriminatory ban on same-sex marriages. Other states - Colorado, Virginia, etc. - have the same issues. Some people are moving out of those states - gay AND straight - as they don't want to associate themselves with states that blatantly and "legally" discriminate. As Leonardo DiCaprio recently said on Oprah (paraphrased) about his movie Blood Diamond which is about the war and killings that go on to mine diamonds in parts of Africa to feed the materialistic appetite of the US, "we vote when we buy". Many people are voting to stay in churches, states, companies, Universities, schools that are blatantly discriminatory. At private Christian colleges, each student must sign an agreement to "acceptable" forms of behavior. Within the top five mentioned is no homosexual activity or personhood. Many students sign it anyway knowing they are gay because either they are still hiding from their family and they want their college paid for and not get kicked out of the house, or they are basically saying they have no value to other people's rules and will do what they please, and try not to get caught. It can also encourage homophobia and violence (emotional, verbal or physical) on gay people.

Some people who choose to "vote" this way do help keep the spiral silence going, but some believe they stay so they can change from within the system. Some do. Most don't. It's a great idea and I hope people do change hearts and minds they have contact with, we just hope it's a stand that's taken to the point of not forcing an 18 year old to discriminate by signing a piece of paper and contributing to the deafening silence. I hope it's to a point that if a gay person is in the hospital they are lucky enough to have doctors and nurses who allow them to be visited by their gay partner since right now that obvious right is illegal in some areas still.

So, we encourage all of us to deliberately look at our votes and be conscious about what we're voting for and therefore standing for with our time, money and attention. In each moment we have choices and the purpose of goals is to keep us on the path to what we want. What do you want for Christmas? For some of us, it's equality so in each moment we make choices that'll lead to that desired outcome. As Rev. Deborah says in the movie, "all I want is what you would have given me before you started taking things away from me before you knew I was gay. I don't want anything more and nothing less." This is what's on our grown up Christmas list.

Introduction to Paul Cameron by Mel White

Happy Monday. I was perusing Mel White's blog he did during his book tour for his latest book Religion Gone Bad: The Hidden Dangers of the Christian Right, and he was introducing us to a discredited psychologist that feeds bizarre and absurd "data" to religious right leaders regarding the gay community and they in turn talk of this "data" as truth. Mel is so passionate and cares so much about what is going on under and at the surface of this struggle of religion and homosexuality and if you haven't recognized that, I encourage you to check his blog for yourself (last entry, under San Francisco). If you've wondered the sourcing material for some of the allegations that don't seem rational, much of it can be traced here.

One of our goals is to help people continue to be informed. The unfortunate part of this is most people don't want to be informed which is why suicide rates are so high, families are broken, etc. We get stuck and we don't need to be. We're a vessel of movement, of growth and of expression. It's not so scary to learn something new about something we're convinced of. Learning is mostly adoration for God's creativity.

Darlene Bogle's new book and new life

If you've seen the movie, you know Darlene Bogle was an Exodus Ministry leader for 15 years and while doing one of her many public appearances as a "healed" lesbian, she fell fast and hard for a woman contemplating suicide to rid herself of the pain and judgment of the sterile christianity and homosexuality debate. Darlene wrote or contributed to many books during her Exodus years and during her 12 year relationship of bliss with this woman, she didn't write as her life partner, Des, made her promise not to be public as it would cause Des to be rejected by her family. It's amazing at no matter our age, we are still children, sometimes scared children, around our parents. Des developed breast cancer and passed way too early in life in February 2005. Darlene, through her grief and recovery of such a tragic loss of a best friend and spouse, has found expression once again in writing. She's finished her first draft of manuscript basically as a follow up to her book, A Long Road to Love. She wants to tell people where she's been for the past 12 years. She's sent Luane and I the manuscript and has asked us to write the Forward, which we are honored to do. Darlene is entertaining a variety of publishing opportunities and I can guarantee you we'll be letting you know first when it's available.

The book is incredibly personal and very touching. I've cried in several parts, sometimes from sadness and sometimes from gratitude. Sure, ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you I cry rather easily...I'm rather sensitive but not in a wimpy way, I just really feel what other's go through and can't help but respond. For those keeping score, Mel White is also gifted with this trait, so I'm in good company.

Des had told Darlene that upon her death, she could tell Des' family and go public about their relationship so this book has Des' approval on it. Recently, Darlene visited Des' parents in southern California. Des' father is battling cancer and her mother has alzheimer's. Darlene brought the manuscript, told them what it was about and asked if they'd like to read it, to learn who their daughter was, as a whole human being, to really know their own daughter as a christian woman living out her life with the love of her life. Darlene basically saved Des' life from suicide and her parents had no idea. Here's what Darlene said of the meeting with Des' father:

"I spent a week in So. Calif. with Des's dad. I had taken a copy of the manuscript to give him an opportunity to read if he chose to do so. Des was right in her fears. He told me that he didn't agree with that "lifestyle" but he still loved me and loved Des, he just didn't want to read about it. Makes me sad because I think he could know more of his daughter's faith, not just her sexuality. I've left it in God's hands.
Her brother and his wife feel the same. I've felt a real coolness since I told them I was writing a book. I'm glad Des is in Heaven and doesn't have to experience the rejection. I'm wondering how folks can say they love you, but they don't want to know you? They can only love the "idea' of who and what you are. I guess there is still more to be done in educating the world!!"

We'll keep you in the loop on Darlene's book. Learn more about Darlene from our website.

Empathy Makes Us Better People

We were sent an article by a straight white guy in Florida who, we think, is one of the most straightforward and clear statements on why people should care about gay people and gay rights, if the simple "love thy neighbor as yourself" basics are still complicated to do. We've written a statement to the author in support of his support as he needs to know that IT MATTERS that he is "out" as a straight ally. How can we expect allies to support us if we aren't supporting them? I've pasted the article at the bottom of this posting.

This also reminds me of a conversation I had with our personal trainer, Machelle. She and her husband met us at a gay club on the rare occasion of Luane and I actually going out for a night of dancing. I LOVE dancing, but I've DJ'd many times in my career and it's hard to make me happy musically and most clubs play the best music for the warm up period and then settle into a hip hop or house theme with the same beat for hours on end. We leave after the warm up.

I digress...Machelle's husband Ryan brought a friend from work who's in his fifties I believe and just six months ago came out to him. Machelle and Ryan are straight allies and they don't get what the big deal is around accepting gay people. They are spiritual people, very fit as they are both trainers, normal law-abiding community members. Ryan's colleague came out to him which gives a great testament to Ryan's character and love for his fellow man. I'm proud to know these people. Ryan's colleague actually recognized Luane and I from a cover story photo in the local newspaper. That does happen to us but we aren't in public much. I think of us like the Loch Ness monster...rare sightings.

I'm still digressing...the main point I wanted to make was my conversation with Machelle. I acknowledged and honored her for bringing Ryan's friend, being supportive of him and of us by coming to a gay dance club and being straight allies. I then explained how crucial it is that they are vocal in average conversational opportunities, that they "come out" as allies. I stressed the power she has in being a witness to other straight people. She had a hard time believing that people would listen to her more readily than me on this subject, since it's my life and after all I did make a documentary on it. Alas, I emphasized how she is remarkably powerful just by being straight as to many in society, I'm the morally depraved, perverted freak who twists God and the Bible around to fit my sexual desires. I don't have the credibility as I'm merely "one of them". Machelle isn't and if she says it's cool, others are more apt to listen.

So, to the closeted straight allies, please be a Machelle and Ryan in your town and don't be shy about it. Talk about it. You're helping people at a scale you don't even know....

I recently exchanged emails with a straight ally who brought us out to her University during this last tour. I told her I wish I was straight so people would find me more credible as I'd fit the "norm". She emailed back saying "that's funny, I wish I was gay so I didn't have to deal with a lot of this male gender stuff..." Perhaps we're talking about the same thing. The grass is always greener but we're who we are uniquely and with purpose...and I'm off to continue mine....

Leonard Pitts: Empathy makes us better people
By Leonard Pitts

Published 12:00 am PST Friday, December 15, 2006
Story appeared in EDITORIALS section, Page B7

This is for a reader who demands to know why I write about gay issues. His conclusion is that I must secretly be gay myself.

Actually, he doesn't express himself quite that civilly. To the contrary, his e-mails -- which, until recently, were arriving at the rate of about one a week -- evince a juvenility that would embarrass a reasonably intelligent fifth-grader. The most recent one, for example, carried a salutation reading, "Hi Mrs. Pitts." We're talking about the kind of thing for which delete buttons were invented. So you may wonder why I bring it to your attention, especially since acknowledging a person like this only encourages him.

It's simple, actually: He raises an interesting question that deserves an answer.

If from that you conclude (or fear) you're about to read a stirring defense of my manly male masculinity, no. The guy is free to believe what he wishes; I really don't care. And here, let me digress to confess that, though I refer to him using masculine pronouns, I actually don't know if he's a he because his notes have been anonymous. Still, I assume it's a guy because the level of sexual insecurity the e-mails suggest strikes me as -- boy, am I going to get in trouble for this -- rather guy-specific.

Anyway, to get back to the point, I'm not here to argue sexuality.

I just find myself intrigued by the idea that if you're not gay, you shouldn't care about gay rights. The most concise answer I can give is cribbed from what a white kid said 40 or so years ago, as white college students were risking their lives to travel South and register African Americans to vote. Somebody asked why. He said he acted from an understanding that his freedom was bound up with the freedom of every other man.

I know it sounds cornier than Kellogg's, but that's pretty much how I feel.

I know also that some folks are touchy about anything seeming to equate the African American civil rights movement with the gay one. And no, gay people were not kidnapped from Gay Land and sold into slavery, nor lynched by the thousands. On the other hand, they do know something about housing discrimination, they do know job discrimination, they do know murder for the sin of existence, they do know the denial of civil rights and they do know what it is like to be used as scapegoat and boogeyman by demagogues and political opportunists.

They know enough of what I know that I can't ignore it. See, I have yet to learn how to segregate my moral concerns. It seems to me if I abhor intolerance, discrimination and hatred when they affect people who look like me, I must also abhor them when they affect people who do not. For that matter, I must abhor them even when they benefit me. Otherwise, what I claim as moral authority is really just self-interest in disguise.

Among the things we seem to have lost in the years since that white kid made his stand is the ability, the imagination, the willingness to put ourselves into the skin of those who are not like us. I find it telling that Vice President Dick Cheney hews to the hard conservative line on virtually every social issue, except gay marriage. It is, of course, no coincidence that Cheney has a daughter who is a lesbian.

Which tells me his position is based not on principle but, rather, on loving his daughter. It is a fine thing to love your daughter. I would argue, however, that it is also a fine thing, and in some ways a finer thing, to love your neighbor's daughter, no matter her sexual orientation, religion, race, creed or economic status.

I believe in moral coherence. And Rule No. 1 is, you cannot assert your own humanity, then turn right around and deny someone else's. If that makes me gay, fine. As my anonymous correspondent ably demonstrates, there are worse things to be.

About the writer:

* Leonard Pitts Jr. is a columnist for the Miami Herald. Reach him at lpitts@herald.com. His column routinely appears in The Bee on Fridays and occasionally on other days. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.

Gay Parenting, Dobson and TIME Magazine

Yesterday, TIME published a decent-sized article by Dr. James Dobson on his opinion of Mary Cheney (Vice President Dick Cheney's daughter) and her partner's pregnancy.

Read the story

Wow, can you imagine planning to have a child (same-sex couples have to plan, there's no "oops" in these families), investing the money, the time, the physical health in hopes you as a couple can become pregnant and having your motherhood, coupledom and qualifications questioned in TIME magazine by a Christian leader!? Now add you're dad is in the highest political office and his days at the office aren't much fun lately.

Wow! Plastered for the world to see, when you're so excited about this new phase in your family, you're going to have a kid! Then wham-o.

TIME magazine has been very good in handling LGBT issues and allowing Dobson his own article based on inaccurate and non-existent claims about someone else's happiness just blew me away. What right does Dobson have to even want to write this article? Why not do the usual and talk about it over his radio show to his followers, why hit the mainstream? What's he trying to control and possess? Essentially, what's he afraid of that he'd step out like this in TIME and recently on Larry King Live after the Ted Haggard outing? He told Larry he doesn't have the time to help Ted with his struggles (ouch) so apparently he wants more time to rain on other people's parades.

All I know, from our research while making the film, talking to people who've listened to him for years and have been in his circle and with my gut, is that it's always a business strategy and it's ALWAYS fear-based. I'm writing a series of articles (clearly I'm in writing mode...I've been blogging every day lately...I got in trouble with the staff when I didn't...) and one of them is on fear-based versus love-based decision making. It's really amazing and illuminating. I look forward to sharing it with you soon. All the symptoms are in the article of coming from fear to persuade the reader to believe what he's saying.

Anyway, Soulforce is also concerned about the misinformation printed by Dobson in TIME and have started a petition requesting TIME to look into the facts, as it is a very credible journalistic venue and as the fourth wall, the watchdog of the people, we need them to be looking out for us and weighing agenda of the religious right with what's just plain the right thing to do.

From personal experience, I encourage you to not always believe what you read in the media. That's a whole other series of articles...I used to teach media studies at a University for eight years and it's a passion of mine.

We've written a letter to the editor of both the NY Times for the Evangelical article and to TIME. People need to know the struggle and division isn't all drama and pain, there is lots of love and reconciliation if you're looking for it. We focus on what we WANT to happen, not what we DON'T want to happen...what we focus on expands. Ta...

Even the NY Times Gets It

Wow, guys. I'm feeling a shift...are you feeling a shift? The consciousness that so many of us have been stepping into - love and acceptance - seems to be making it onto the front page of the NY Times.

Read the story

If I were straight, I'd be just as on fire about this struggle for gay and religious people as I am for being one of them. I'd be an awesome ally, fearless and standing up for what's right in my words and in my actions. By society's definition, I'd actually have more credibility as a straight person on the issue. Straight allies have so much power and now more than ever in history, allies in churches are gaining more and more opportunities to show God's love to the isolated, hurting and schizophrenic. The NY Times ran an article today called "Gay and Evangelical: Seeking Paths of Acceptance". Dude, this is all that we talk about in the movie and everywhere we do talks. Mel White's been doing it for a bazillion years too and he got recognized in the article as probably the most well known on the issue. We often wonder who our "leader" is...who's our MLK? Who's our Gandhi? Rev. Dr. Mel White is...and he's in our movie for that reason. The man that's been there and back, the man who gets email and letter after another of people killing themselves over the struggle and he still gets up in the morning and lives through his passion for compassion. Luane and I are THRILLED he got some attention for his work in the midst of the Haggard and Barnes outings. People may be shocked or even feel betrayed in the evangelical world, but those of us with this Christ Consciousness have our arms wide open for these folks, it's another day at the office for us. We know these people exist, we never believed they didn't. We couldn't agree that it's preventable and we can be de-programmed from how we were constructed. We've always kept the door open for them, kept the light on.

NOW is a huge opportunity to get the conversation back on the table. It's in the public sphere so bring it to the private level and get people talking. Get our movie as a means to hold a house party to get people to talk, to get to know Mel White, to see what they can do to learn to be safe spaces of acceptance and love for those in their world who could be Haggard and is scared to death to be themselves. Don't kid yourself that you don't know anyone, it's no excuse anyway.

Keep your eyes open and step into the power to make a difference. Here's another way to make our lives really really count. God gave us power, not timidity and to help those who are current and future Haggards, we owe it to them to learn from other's mistakes of oppression and repression and step into love. Talk about it.

Colorado Pastor Paul Barnes Comes Out

We thank Darren Main for sending this our way...people have asked if we'll be sending our movie to Ted Haggard and now Pastor Barnes so they can have the opportunity to reconcile sooner than later. We are showing them our support and encouragement, the same that is open to everyone. And yes, we will be sending them the movie once the wound isn't so open and they aren't in a total state of shock here around the holidays. Pastor Barnes' remarks, feelings and experiences are not at all unusual, I'm so thankful he's shown courage and honesty with himself and the world. He'll now be able to be an even better pastor, man and human being fitting into his own skin...finally!

"I have struggled with homosexuality since I was a 5-year-old boy. ... I can't tell you the number of nights I have cried myself to sleep, begging God to take this away." -- Pastor Paul Barnes

Check out the story

From Darren Main:
For the second time in as many months, another Colorado Evangelical pastor has stepped down for being gay. Considering the fact that Pastor Barnes has been asking God to change his sexual orientation since he was five with no effect, he might want to consider that it is not God who is conflicted about his sexuality. I hope he will find peace with who God created him to be.

For the college and high school students: get with us on facebook

As you know, we've been touring many universities the last few months and will be heading back out starting at the end of January in Ohio. We're meeting so many tremendously courageous, smart, active students on our trips and want to keep in touch with them all. So, we set up a facebook page so we can keep on top of what the college students want to know, need to hear, desire to be informed on and be helped by. So search us out on facebook and get involved in the discussion group today. As those who have come to our screenings have heard me say, "yeah, many of the homophobic problems are residing in the church and the church is a big part of the problem right now. However, I also believe that the church is and can be a major part of the solution as more and more religious folks connect the dots as God always has." There's thousands and thousands of teens and college students who are really freaking out and are scared to death with no one safe to talk to around them. It's our mission to be accessible, support, encourage and empower these guys. There are problems within the youth, and they can be their own solution. THAT'S a choice. Are you part of the problem...or the solution? Join us and be a part of the solution, get into our groups, get the DVD and get fired up! Time's a wastin'!

New Yahoo! Group available!

We have learned of a new yahoo group around our movie, God & Gays: Bridging the Gap. We're aware of who started it and are completely comfortable with them as leaders in handling the delicacies of this emotionally charged issue. They are religious folks, many of them straight and they "get it." They saw the movie and felt compelled to do something about it and started the group. So, we wanted to make you aware of it and invite you to join. If you're involved in PFLAG, Christian, Catholic, Morman, Jehovah's Witness, atheist, straight or GLBTIQ, please join and spread the word and help out your fellow wo/man. We will be kept in the loop on how we can help and support the group.

So, now you can have more dialogue from the privacy of your computer, no excuse to keep it to yourself anymore and if you're straight and accepting, let me remind you of just how powerful and important you are by getting involved and "outing" yourself as a supporter for ALL people. Join the group and share the love...

"Funny Hurts" from Jason Stuart

Hi guys. Here's an article Jason Stuart, who's featured in our movie and is a wonderful comic and human being, has written that I felt deserves posting on our blog. Take a gander and go from there...

All I ever wanted to do was act and do stand up comedy. Since I discovered that being gay was an issue to most folks one way or another, I feel compelled to take a stand when I see a group of my fellow human beings attacked. I was never the kind of man who could sit at a family dinner when a racist comment was made about any group. So if a racist joke were made, I would simply say, that's not ok with me. They would reply but you're not Black. Well, it's still not cool or funny.

So, I was saddened and offended at the crudeness, the lewdness, the brazen racism expressed by Michael Richards unloading his rage. Surely most comics have the skills to handle hecklers or distractions, from a large group of friends gathered for a surprise party at a comedy club where alcohol is routinely served. This should come as no surprise to any comic, and our tactics should be playful, to engage, and win over the noisy fuckers. It's part of our job.

To demean, an audience member with a vile, hateful diatribe, simply has no place in comedy. It's not even the word, it's who says it on our cultural landscape, in what context it is said, and most importantly the intent behind it. Nonetheless, I side with Oprah and think the word has too much meaning to be used in a public setting.

It is time for us all to stand up for an internal audit. What are we capable of? How many Mel Gibson and Michael Richards' moments have we witnessed in ourselves, both in and out of a comedy clubs?

As the NY Times stated on Dec. 3, "For some, the most important lesson, one which may show some progress toward racial tolerance, is that it is the man who first hurled the racial insult who appears more damaged this time, not the target of his epithet." Mr. (Dick) Gregory said his son told him a joke the other day: "What is worse than a white man calling a black man a nigger?" Mr. Gregory said, quoting his son. "Calling a white man Michael Richards." My hope is that Mr. Richards is able to turn this negative situation around and make it a positive by supporting the community with his celebrity. My hope is that then, he'll no longer be the target of jokes, and all of us may be changed by the discussion his behavior ignited.

I found myself in the lobby of the Laugh Factory after the news conference on November 27th and was asked to be of support to the owner Jamie Masada, who has had me work at his clubs for over 20 years as a headliner and always as an equal. After the press conference the New York Times asked me some questions. But the NY Times misquoted my words. So I wanted to set the record straight.

What I said was that, "about 25% of black comics have anti-gay material in their act and just as many or more white comedians do the same. What are we doing about that?" Nothing.... I spoke with Najee Ali, a civil rights activist and he responded by stating that he has been on the front lines to support all folks from prejudice.

So I turn to you, my community to start an enlarging dialogues on the social acceptability of gay-bashing. I ask the question where do we draw the line? The current all-important discourse on racist speak is vital. How can we as gay folks add to the crucial discourse centered now on racism? At a time when LGBTQ folks are scorned, do we not have to address the hate radiating from the Religious Right, and to all comics making us the "butt" of their homophobic fixations? We must ignite amongst Americans a desire to also dig deeper and address the hate. Most Americans have soul-searching to do in their comedy choices, on street corners, and middle school hallways, that are often not very funny either but painful to others.

I learned when I was 12 the word "fag" scraped on my locker with a nail. I saw it every day for 3 years in Jr. High School. I never said a word to a soul. It shredded my sense of who I was for almost 20 years, until I started speaking on college campuses on the power of being out in the workplace.

It is time for change and I for one intend to continue to be a part of it in my work and my life.

Podcast Interview with Luane Beck & Darren Main

Darren Main hosts her own podcast interviews where she discusses health, wellness, spirituality and more from all kinds of angles. She recently interviewed Luane, our director and has posted the interview on the web. Please take a listen and pass it around via email to as many as you can, keep feeding yourself and others on the subtance that'll help us feel "full", no more twinkie content to keep us asleep.

Darren, thank you for the interview and your support for our movie. Opportunities such as these will make differences and change lives, many of which we won't know about but know enough that they are there.

Listen to the interview
For iTunes

Email the trailer to your friends - new discussion group on YouTube

Hi guys. Since we've been home from the last three months we've been on tour, we've been getting our act together behind the scenes trying to spread the word about the movie at the grass roots and organic levels. Any time we screen, the response is always huge and very favorable. Now that the movie is FINALLY avaialble, we're trying to get the word out and let people know here in the holidays.

What better gift is there to give yourself and others than love, support, acceptance and understanding? That's what this movie's about. Help us out by spreading the trailer now available to email around on YouTube.com.

Also, there's a discussion group! Our December newsletter will be out soon, think of getting the DVD for your friends, family, your self, your co-workers who could use a helping hand from a non-threatening source this holiday season. Dismount the year in style!

Thanks for your help!

Kim & Luane's Christmas List

My family has always tossed around a Christmas wish list. Dad usually gets one or two things on the list for me, my sister will get one and my mom will deliberately get me something NOT listed. It's part of my mom's sense of humor. Actually, my favorite gifts from her are the ones she makes. She's made me afghans, a picture pillow, a pad for this storage big Luane built, stitch work, candles, and a quillow -- ever heard of those? It's a pillow and when you "unfold" it, it's a quilt. Then you fold it back up to a pillow. It's like skorts, or a spork. Well, the word is anyway.

Luane's family tree is currently a twig. Lists don't seem necessary. Her mom basically says "send me the link and I'll take care of it". Her mom is generous at Christmas and cares a great deal that she gets us exactly what we need. She's not very technically savvy (knowing this, I set up her new mac with our website as her homepage so she can see us every morning) but is very understanding of us needing certain tools to do our work effectively. She actually bought one of the three cameras we needed to shoot the documentary last year.

So, Luane isn't into lists and it's been like pulling teeth to get her to tell me what she wants. As a compromise, she tells me stuff here and there and then I'm to be creative beyond that. However, I'm the one in our couplehood that wants so badly to choose something personal and sweet that she will love and will bring a tear to her eye and end up getting like a bag of socks for her. I'm just not good at it. And yet, every year she blows me away with her thoughtfulness and dead-on choices of gifts for me. It's a talent.

I'm easy to buy for. I lay it out on the traditional christmas wish list. Just like the song about grown up christmas lists, mine now includes the charities I'd like my family to donate to, spread the cheer that way. I've mever been into "stuff", it just means it's more to take care of and clean. So, I'm choosy and it's almost always relating to our work. There's not much of a boundary between me and my work, especially with this documentary, it spawned from my story so I'm not only in it but all over it. So if there's something I desire for Christmas, you can bet it'll be something I'll use for the doc and our upcoming supporting services.

The list used to be posted on the fridge. Now it's posted on the web. My how times have changed. I hope you get what you desire and wish for. Consider adding your favorite charities to your wish list too. Here are just a few of our favorites:
- Heifer International (being vegetarian, we tend to sponsors the trees...)
- American Forests (make sure you see Inconvenient Truth with Al Gore)
- Habitat for Humanity
- Save the Dolphins foundations
- The Hunger Project
- PFLAG
- HRC (Human Rights Campaign)
- Soulforce

We usually support organizations that don't just band aid but get the community to help itself. There's no long term effect just giving someone a turkey once a year. I'll save that for another blog...Luane has an interesting story around that. Anyway, consider supporting folks who build people up and in turn their communities for long term improvement and prosperity. Have a great week.

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Lots to be thankful for

Happy Thanksgiving! Luane and I usually drive several hours house-hopping visiting family for Thanksgiving but since we've been gone from home so much lately, I think Luane's feet are nailed to the living room floor and our cats permanently attached to our laps. So, we decided to have the day of gratitude on our own. Then, we got invited to a friends for breakfast...it was only 10 mins away, can handle that. We ate a lot and managed to see the Parade for the first time in like 15 years and see Barry Manilow's 2 minute plug for his 1960s album. If you haven't seen his show in Vegas, I recommend it...and save up to get the stage tickets too.

Anyway, back to eating a lot...then various family members from all around the country began the calls and check ins. I was on the phone with folks as often as I was talking to people in person...lots of talking, lots of love going around. We went home, I talked on the phone, Luane and I ran through the 79 ideas of what we could and in what order for the rest of the day which included hot tubbing to frisbee throwing to meditating to starting the deviled eggs. None of that happened.

We got another call. A friend of ours said we had to go to her house as her non-vegetarian aunt brought two huge platters of mediterranean food and they could never eat it all. So, Luane got off the treadmill, wiped her pits and off we went. Our friend didn't give us any time to clean up so we got real cozy with her and her family!

All in all, we were really thankful to have met so many new people, we got to share the movie all day, everyone wanted to hear about the tour and we carried around our *one* copy we own (isn't that funny? We have ONE). It made us reflect and appreciate what an amazing year this has been for us. We're so grateful for the support you've given and we hope you feel the support and love through the movie, blog and website that we have for you and yours. Happy Holidays! Let the Christmas music take over!

Election Reflection Nov 2006

First of all, congratulations to Arizona for being the only state to not allow the ban on gay marriage amendment to go through. While we visited there in October, people weren’t sure how things were going to go but were optimistic and believed in the people of Arizona…and it paid off. Yes, it was close with a 51% to 49% result, but nevertheless, the ban is now not something else to prohibit equality in Arizona. The shifting in the Congress and Rumsfeld resigning is all very interesting and encouraging that Americans are tired of living in fear. It's exhausting, isn't it? Thank you to everyone who participated in our Evening on Equality. We felt the energy move and really appreciate your taking the time and heart space to participate. It made a huge difference! We'll host these virtual events from time to time, looking forward to our next one. We're looking at ways to webcam them so we can seem more in the same room.

Lewisburg & Cookies

We were just in Lewisburg, Pennsylvania which is in the middle of the state. We were told before arriving that “there’s Pittsburgh, there’s Philadelphia, and then there’s Alabama inbetween.” We checked that statement with the locals while we were there and they actually agreed.

We missed the beautiful leaves by two weeks but there was still some orange and bright yellow to be seen. One thing I really appreciate in the trees that are bare and transparent with all the leaves gone, is that I get to see the nests the birds were using. I get to see where they built them, how they constructed them, admire their engineering of renewable resources and marvel at the art in the architecture. When such natural amazement is revealed, I like to pause and just appreciate. I felt this way in the vulnerability that Lewisburg residents and Bucknell University students showed us during our brief visit.

One of the first things we did at Bucknell was speak at a freshman foundations Social Justice class taught by a Ph.D. in Psychology. It was a small in number class but a high IQ composition. All but two of the students were female. Where are the guys? It’s not Home Economics, it’s social justice, where are the males?
What does that class’ composition say at a macro level? Or is it a fluke?

Nevertheless, the professor was very trusting of us and we reassured her Luane and I had taught at the University level for eight years and we’d behave as guest speakers. We even put her through a little experiment along with the class and she participated fully. The students were engaged, they seemed challenged, and got a chance to talk and look at a subject matter that is at the surface but rarely discussed openly and in such a safe space. We love doing classes so it was a real thrill to be able to work with this “next generation”.

The screening took place at the Campus theatre in downtown Lewisburg, which is an independently owned non-profit, kept in tact with its original 1941 art deco décor and ambiance. I’m told by Mary the amazingly cool manager that it’s one of twelve single screen theatres still running. We were proud to have screened there. It was so beautiful, you have to see it for yourself…check out their website at http://www.campustheatre.org. We got a tour up in the projector room and saw all this original equipment, firedoors and just how many miles of film makes up a movie. We also got to hear from Chris the local comedian projectionist, several funny projectionist stories of films spliced together out of order and therefore run out of sequence…the character’s eating, now he’s not, oh! He’s eating again…or still? I love hearing the behind the firedoor stories.

The screening went flawlessly, looked beautiful on the huge screen in 16:9 and sounded awesome. We had a great crowd who asked lots of questions coming from all kinds of different perspectives and experiences, and all there to learn, appreciate and exercise compassion….on themselves and each other.

We met people who are starting to deal with the struggle and the hard times that may lie ahead. We met people who didn't grow up in a religious home and found the movie talking to them in a way that helped them see that they can have a relationship with God even if organized religion is not for them. We also met a mom who came because she has two pre-adolescents and attends a conservative Christian church, wanting to know how she can help make room for her kids to let them find out who they are attracted to without getting stuck on the assumption they are both heterosexual. There’s more to be said on this subject but I’ll keep that for another blog entry.

In essence, we loved the people and the place of Lewisburg. It's a town where you can leave your car unlocked and it's still there when you return - in tact. I even saw someone leave their laptop case with the laptop in the coat check area of the eating commons. It was refreshing to see trust still existing in a community. Finally, I try to eat a chocolate chip cookie locally made at every place we go to and I got to have two this time...so the trip was a great success.

Sunny San Bernardino

San Bernardino had the most perfect weather. It was warm and beautiful. The only downside was the smoke in the air dusting up the horizon from the wildfires set by arson that had killed firefighters. What can a person be thinking by setting a fire in dry brush on a hill near homes and a university? The loss of nature, lives, animals…it makes me shudder. Not to mention that those trees, those green leafy things I see too often being cut down and replaced by concrete is our source of oxygen. We’ll suffocate without them and they are burning down in these wildfires as well. I won’t dwell on this topic since we believe what we focus on expands so I’ll focus on lots and lots of trees…therefore lots and lots of oxygen. Inhale...

The screening at California State University San Bernardino was really fun. We had great questions as usual – which we don’t take for granted, we’re very appreciative of the level of quality questions and integrity in keeping the discussion at a safe space for everyone. We had a student say he’s considered a conservative Christian and just the fact that he came we really wanted him to know how appreciative we were that he was there. He broke stereotype by attending and asking a great question and was open to the answer we offered. We have a ton of respect for people who come to the movie who may already think they know what to believe about the topic but don’t get stuck and/or stop at the title: God & Gays. They still take the time to hear something new, something that’s not openly talked about in this way in their circle. They are stepping out of their comfort zone and that’s a sign of spiritual maturity and for that we are grateful!

I also got to experience a student’s dilemma of talking to a friend who pretends he’s not gay but when he thinks no one is looking, he’s with guys in secret. My heart was aching for this friend and for the student. It’s not easy bringing a deliberately avoided subject up in conversation. The student cared and wanted to tell the friend she was accepting and supportive of him and wanted him to basically stop lying through his behavior to her and others….that he didn’t have to and that the friends loved him no matter who he’s interested in. She was afraid he’d get mad and cut off the friendship if she brought it up. Yeah, that’s definitely a legitimate risk. So is him opening up and being so relieved to have someone to talk to about what he's going through. As Henry Ford said, whether you think you’re right, or you think you’re wrong, either way you’re right. So, again, focus on what you want to have happen, have that emit as frequency from you and do your best. If the friend freaks out and slams the door on her, it’s just where he is right now and he got exposed when he thought he had people fooled. But, I made her promise that no matter how he reacted, she needed to understand that it was his reaction and she didn’t “cause” anything; he must own his reaction. He can take the conversation as a blessing and opportunity for acceptance and love or he can run and hide some more, and therefore everyone loses. But, he’s entitled to his process and so is everyone else.

I hope she talks to him, sooner than later. At least he’ll know there’s one friend that cares about him, wholly, honestly and completely and she’ll keep the door open for him as he’ll need a support network while he goes through his process. I was grateful she told us her situation. It reminded me once again why we did made this movie.

Soooooooo Close!

Ah, the world of indy filmmaking. Restricted by time and money, we're having to make some interesting choices for the final DVD. Then, when we thought we were at final, we aren't as the menu needed some sprucing up. The DVD is available for pre-order now and will be shipping on Monday, Nov 6th. We are sooo excited. It's really odd to think so much of your life and energy ends up on a thin disc between plastic. At least I have a snapshot of my life and say hmm...I wonder what I did in 2005 and 2006, look at the back of a DVD cover and know the answer. I'll hold the answer in my hands. I've had to be more involved in the technical aspects of finalizing the DVD than we anticipated, which is another part of indy filmmaking, the more aspects of the process you're good at, you'll probably end up doing them at some point. Between Luane and I, I'm the more technical one. We're a good pair...she's the creative, head in the clouds, big vision person and I'm the feet on the ground, technical, detailed one with a secret sociological identity.

This has gone off in a tangent...anyway, we thought we'd have the final delivered today of the DVD but nay, the excitement continues.

We're currently in San Bernardino, CA at a screening. I'm in someone else's office and there's a Taco Bell attached to the other wall. Taco Bell is the last remaining fast food place I'll touch since it offers vegetarian options. I'll write more soon on what we've learned while in San Bernardino where wildfires have been set by arson and wiped out the beautiful green tree-y mountains at the foothills of the campus. They had a flash flood last week dousing 1st floors of buildings since there isn't any brush and trees on the mountains to contain the rain. More from So. Cal. soon.