What Does Don Imus Have to Do With Me?

Prior to doing the movie thing, I worked as a promotions and marketing director as well as on-air talent for radio stations starting in college. Eight years later, I left, just after the 1996 Telecommunications Act kicked in and media owners started the feeding frenzy. In the three years I was at my last station, we had 5 owners and often were orphans stuck in "LMAs" which is an ownership limbo.

While at the last station, our sister station had Don Imus in the Morning for a while. The calls my sister station colleagues would get about the program weren't not the "funnest" ways to start the day. Our sister station didn't keep his show on very long, even though it was a huge revenue stream and cheaper than a live morning show duo...the station actually saw through the money and went to a live morning show, and has thrived since.

But that's not really the Don Imus tie I wanted to bring up. The tie is something we eluded to in our monthly e-newsletter we blasted out today. The fact that America has two hugely avoided and uncomfortable topics in American conversation brought up in discouraging and desperate ways in just eight days is just cause for reflection and action. First, Don Imus makes yet another prejudiced and racist comment about african-american women. This brings up how normalized this speech seems as it is a core topic in rap videos and music and several other venues. Then with Virginia Tech and the student shooter, gun violence enacted by an alleged depressed, lonely, separated kid. Racism and gun violence. Perhaps at the surface, they look like separate isolated issues....and I beg to differ.

They are one in the same. Both are violent. Both are coming from a place of negative intention. Both are to harm and control. Both came from souls that didn't have tools to handle their fear differently and more beneficially. Both felt they had the right and were justified. We have to take responsibility for allowing our culture to raise such consciousness and such results. This behavior isn't outside of us, it's not separate from us. It takes a village and we as individuals make up that village, make up this culture and we have to take responsibility for our role in allowing the denigration of genders, races, cultures, orientations and religions through the vernacular, the everyday language. We have to take responsibility for the lone student allowed to be distanced from society, keeping the kid's imagination and life wrapped up in a head that can and will play tricks. No connection to the outside world, no connection to people equals no reason to live. Like wounded animals in the wild, he lashed out and had others feel the pain he was feeling internally. At least that way, he was no longer alone. He died with the others.

Here I am in the media and am I questioning Imus' free speech right? Ah, no. Free speech is an opinion, it is an expression of differing viewpoints and ideas. Free speech is not to slander, raise superiority, verbally assault, abuse and oppress. Free speech has a beneficial intention for society, it helps it question, learn and grow...not tear down, fight for lowest common denominator and break people's spirits.

The other tie is that these example incidents we are living with right now as a nation is no different than the equality GLBT persons seek in society. If it's one place in society, it's going to show up in another. All of this fear, all of this protection is carried down from generations. Just like domestic abuse or molestation, we have to break the cycle and let the harm end with us. Let us not carry on the fear, carry on the ignorance, carry on beating others down with our words, judgments and certainly our weapons...guns or tongues.

The time is ripe to be the change we seek. The time is ripe to improve our own worlds which will ripple to improving other's worlds and before we know it, we've improved our society and the rest of the world. I'll end the way we ended our e-newsletter blurb, lyrics from a popular song, "what kind of world do you want?" It's really up to you. How do you talk about others? What's your intent in your comments? What's your body language saying to your kids, colleagues and friends. What are you saying to yourself? How do you treat yourself? It really does start with you. And me. I'm in. You in?

Fresno Faces...A Reconciling Weekend

Last weekend, myself, Luane, Laura Engleken, her partner Rachael and Darlene Bogle all trucked over to Fresno to hang with Wesley UMC. We were welcomed by a large group where we ate quesadillas and talked about LGBT life in Fresno. Then, after fun at the hotel with about two thousands kids from Future Farmers of America and their decorated minivans declaring they are number one, we headed over to the screening at the church.

Enticed by Marie Callendar's pies and free admission, the room packed up. We went around introducing ourselves, thanking people for coming and the movie started. Afterwards, we had another long Q&A with a wide array of questions for all of us, getting the chance to really get the discussion going. We met local GSA folks, PFLAG folks, members of the Reconciling committee, regional directors for Reconciling Ministries, it was fantastic.

Sunday morning started with wrestling over the toaster oven for my waffles with another 2000 Future Farmers folks before heading off to church services. Laura, the seminary student in our film, preached both services and we had a classroom discussion inbetween. Laura did an amazing job and reached people who came just to hear her talk. One gay man said he hadn't been to church for 23 years and shook her hand in gratitude for her healing words.

Most conversation was brought up by straight allies who wanted to know what to do when they are judged for standing up for LGBT people, when they are told they are sinners, when they are dealing with folks who insist there's separation and superiority (versus equality).

It was a great reminder of all the ways the movie can be and is used. It's a teaching tool, communication tool, dialogue starter, empowerment tool, compassion resource and shows that we can handle taboo and emotionally-charged topics and be mature about it. We saw tears, we saw reflection, we saw smiles, we saw laughter, we saw relief this weekend. We'll always remember the faces of Fresno and as one of the lyrics in the Sunday service songs says, "I will hold your people in my heart." This is why God & Gays is more than a movie. It's real life.

This weekend, we'll be in Tulsa, Oklahoma showing the movie twice at Circle Cinemas, 2pm and 5pm with a Q&A with Luane and I inbetween at 3.30pm. It's the first time it'll be shown in Oklahoma and we hope you'll spread the word to anyone you know who would benefit from coming and seeing the movie and being part of the discussion. The screening is co-presented by Oklahomans for Equality and we're so grateful for the partnership of local open and affirming churches.

We live in a much more accepting society than the media and others may have you believe. Don't believe the negative hype....there's a ton of support and more is growing every day.

Day of Silence, A Day to Speak Out

Wednesday, April 18th is National Day of Silence, supported by GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network). Here's what the event is about:

Hundreds of thousands of secondary and college students are expected to participate in GLSEN’s Day of Silence on April 18 to bring attention to anti-lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender bullying, harassment, name-calling and discrimination in schools.

A project of GLSEN, or the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, in collaboration with the United States Student Association, the 11th annual National Day of Silence will be one of the largest student-run days of action in the country. Students at more than 3,000 schools already have registered at www.dayofsilence.org to participate, many of whom will take a vow of silence, wear stickers and/or pass out cards explaining why they are not speaking.

"Seeing so many students – gay and straight – bring attention to the pervasive problem of anti-LGBT bullying and harassment is an inspiration to all of us who believe that every student has a right to feel safe in school," said GLSEN Founder and Executive Director Kevin Jennings. "In choosing not to speak, students will say so much about the will of our youth to bring about positive change in schools."

Bullying and harassment based on actual or perceived sexual orientation and how masculine or feminine a student is are two of the top three reasons students said their peers are harassed in school, behind physical appearance, according to a 2005 Harris Interactive study, From Teasing to Torment: School Climate in America.

Additionally, nearly two-thirds of LGBT students (64%) reported feeling unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation in GLSEN’s 2005 National School Climate Survey.

The Day of Silence was created by University of Virginia students in 1996 and went national in 1997. GLSEN became the sponsor in 2001.

There are a number of bills in a variety of states including sexual orientation as protectable against bullying, discrimination and being fired from a job, as well as having safe schools. Take a listen to the silence on Wed. There's no reason why it couldn't be extended to people's work places, to younger students and other venues to help spread education. There's a recently written blog by David Shelton that gives more perspectives on the event, see Silencing the Silent from April 8th. Check it out, see what you think.

Regardless on if you think this is a great way to make a statement, look beyond just the expression and see the intention. The intention and the message is something we must live out on a daily basis, no matter our age or where we are. Love is a universal principle. See what each of us can do little by little....

I Smile, You Smile, We All Smile for Smiling's Sake!

Okay, I was forwarded this story and even though you may be rolling your eyes and wanting to click to something else, give this a try. No one's died of laughter, joy or too much love and I hope that this story adds to at least one of those categories for you today. We also recommend honestly answering the question at the end either in journal, blog, internal or external form. Oprah had a show about happiness yesterday and how it's all about perception....more on that idea later, for now, enjoy the story:

The House of 1000 Mirrors

Long ago in a small, far away village, there was a place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the house, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often."

In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again."

All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet?

Japanese Folktale

PFLAG and a Catholic Family on Oprah

Yesterday was national siblings day, apparently. I learned this from seeing Oprah's show yesterday. On it, she rolled video with an old film look showing photos from the '60s and '70s of a Catholic family of 8 from a small town who had tablefuls of cupcakes, two parents who loved each other and as Oprah said, June Cleaver must have lived in that house. An excellent approach to drop the bomb that 4 of the 8 siblings had come out in adulthood as gay. One of them is now the Executive Director of PFLAG, Jody Huckaby.

They talked about how the first brother came out in a letter while attending seminary to go into the priesthood. He was telling his family he was gay and that he was leaving seminary. The family did not take it well at all, especially the parents. For holidays, it was the elephant in the room that nobody talked about. Then, one by one, three more brothers came out. Two of the straight siblings were on the show to tell their story of how at first they rejected the gay brothers. One sister kept her kids from her brothers...the fear of the "gay influence" or the misinformation that being gay is somehow contagious like a cold. Side Story: This reminds me of someone I know who has been married to a man for over a decade and 98% of that marriage she's had a female love on the side. She mentioned once that with all her time with straight people, raised by straight family members, it definitely wasn't making her straight.

Anyway, so that was the sister's freak out. She eventually began praying (aka surrendering by releasing the outcome) and realized she needed to "stop judging and start loving". The audience applauded her. During her confession, she admitted it was her issue...she was worried about what others would think as she was a big player in her Church.

An older brother believed that they were choosing the lifestyle...and finally after brother #4 came out, he finally released that lie and recognized it is who they are. Now, they sit on the couch next to Oprah together on an episode called "Super Siblings".

We were thrilled to see Jody up there and having the story of religion and homosexuality told in a human being form. We partner with PFLAG and are thrilled they got a plug on the show and showed their recognition of the close tie of homophobia and religion.

Referring to the Cameron posting last week, the sister and older brother believed these lies and misinformation that others told them rather than believing their brothers at first. It set the family back. The sister even said she wouldn't accept in her brother what she couldn't accept in her own children. OUCH!!

Each brother didn't know for years that the others were gay. They never talked about it even though they each knew from an early age. They faked their way through dating in high school and prom night. Then one day they had to be honest and even though it didn't go easily at first, the family is together and it's a perfect story to come from when you're the head of PFLAG. Those are the roots of understanding what other families go through.

Inch by inch, the demystifying continues in mainstream media. GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) is even starting a Communities of Faith and Religion focus. More organizations and churches are finally getting the guts to acknowledge the elephant and get involved. This relates to one of the questions Rev. Deborah talked about in her interview with us last week on how all religions need an image makeover and regrouping of what the universal spiritual principles are. Catholicism traditionally focuses on the family and the Huckaby's found their way to the underlying spiritual intention: love. As a result, thousands and thousands of families have been touched by PFLAG and Jody's work. Who says what can one person do?

Turn Up the Light, Turn Up the Love

Luane and I are finding ourselves needing to renew and prep before every screening and appearance. We don't know what we're walking into...a room of friends or foes. The cool thing is the majority of people who do sit through the movie and get what the ideas and stories are about, tend to become friends even if their agenda in coming was to be the foe. We've had really wonderful audiences and not just because most agree with the message of the movie, but people do relate to the movie in one way or another.

We recently received a letter from a woman who came to a screening:

"I enjoyed seeing the film for the first time and really learned a lot. Listening to some of the people interviewed made me realize again how important it is to support my
transgender child (19 yr old female-to-male) and try to educate others about GLBT [people] and how they struggle unnecessarily to gain rights that we all should have."

This is an excellent example of renewal, of constant renewal. She had a choice to renew her beliefs, expectations and whatever else challenging her when she learned of her child's situation. She's lucky the child told her, most parents aren't seemed as safe enough to be honest with and therefore friction and distance in more than one area of the relationship is instantly introduced.

This woman chose wisely in renewing her mind. Paul talks about it in Romans 12:2:
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (NIV)

What's the patter of this world? Fear. What's God's Will? Love. Fear is the absence of love, therefore love is all there is. We're meant to be on a journey and we only get anywhere by renewing our mind and using the standard, "is this of love? or is this of fear?" moment by moment, choice by choice, thought by thought.

Our movie, the stories told in the movie, our upcoming conference (online registration begins Tues. May 1st!!), our monthly free teleconference interviews...all of it comes from love.

Fear is like darkness, it doesn't really exist, it's just an end to the continuum of love. So, for example, darkness is not in itself made, it's just the low volume of light. Ride the continuum of light like a dimmer switch, and the light erases the dark.

Fear in itself does not exist. It's an illusion just as darkness is. Fear is just the low volume of love. Turn up the volume of love on anything you think you fear and the fear is erased.

Check out our movie and get on our eblast list, see the metanarrative message of turning up the light and turning up the love in all areas of your life. Thank God for constant renewal. Whew.

Easter is About Constant Renewal

Luane and I had the great fortune to attend Easter service at Rev. Deborah Johnson's church. Rev. D. is featured in our movie and was our special guest last Thursday for this month's God, Gays & You Live Interview Series. If you couldn't make the call, we have a streamed recording of it at www.godandgaysthemovie.com/archive. Next month our guests are ex-Exodus leader and author Darlene Bogle and social justice activist Dottie Berry.

Rev. D., who heads an omnifaith church, came from all kinds of angles when describing the history of Easter: why it jumps around in the calendar year, the roots of the name Easter (fertility: use of the bunny and egg as symbols), how the Catholic church created the holiday...it was fascinating. She broke out a concordance and talked about how Jesus wasn't a Christian, the roots of Easter based in the Hebrew word Shalom. She also mentioned Shalom is the root word to the Arabic term Muslim. Her messages are recorded on CD every week, you can order a copy of the message from Inner Light Ministries, they have a mail out program so it doesn't matter where you live. We encourage you to check out her Easter message. You'll hear Valerie Joi Fiddmont who is her partner and in our movie, sing and lead her choir as the musical inspiration.

Rev. D. is all about peace. Peace between us, between countries, and within ourselves. She looks at all the different approaches to God, expressions of worship and doesn't get caught up in the differences and judge which is "better" or "more right" than others. She looks at the intentions behind them. What is the universal spiritual principle behind Easter? Constant Renewal.

Last week I wrote about how quick we are to get ticked off in traffic if someone cuts us off, going from good to bad, and yet we consider ourselves incapable of changing something bad to good for ourselves quickly. We have trouble working out, eating well, getting sleep, alleviating stress healthily, erasing smoking and other coping mechanisms from our routine...and then we just deal with the egregious consequences when they do eminently show up.

What I got from Rev. D.'s message was this idea of constant renewal. That it's never too late. Jesus was killed. He resurrected. Many Christians stop at Good Friday and forget there was a Sunday. He was renewed. Our cells in our body renew all the time, we don't have the same body we had a month ago. Our thoughts are renewed by our choosing. They don't happen TO us, we choose them and can renew our mind anytime, at any point and the only time that exists is NOW. It's always now.

I look at my surroundings, my little pouch on my stomach that I can't seem to get rid of, the leaves that stubbornly won't rake themselves on our deck and I now recognize them as past decisions, past choices. And I can renew my thoughts NOW and change the circumstance now.

Well, there's a part 2 to this stream of consciousness that I'll continue later. For now, and I mean now, ride the wave of constant renewal. Feel it. Think about it. We're constantly coming to forks in the road, so renew in the moment and see how just changing a variable here and there will already send you off to a different and more beneficial result.

"This Cubicle Supports Gay Marriage"

At our appearance last night, some friends came who I've known since my pre-movie days when I worked on-air and in promotions for radio stations around the Bay Area. These guys knew me before, during and after my struggle and have stuck by me. We've stayed in touch, sharing news of other friends who have moved around the country, and I got an update of one DJ that spun my head.

I shared an office with a woman named Phyllis West, that was her on-air name actually when I was the Promotions Director for a rock station. She was the Promotions Director for our sister station, a classic rock format. This was a time in my life that I thought I had everything in control. I had the handsome boyfriend, the degree, the church, the Bible study groups, the job...and was a rather quiet person. Little did I know that I was quite shut down from my emotions.

When Phyllis was hired and I had to split my big office in half to make room for her, I was in for the ride of my life. Phyllis was Jewish, a big partier, crass, loud, opinionated, had sexual encounters I couldn't believe...and I loved her like a big sister. She adopted me quickly as she saw this quiet, mousey Christian girl getting run over by male rock radio types.

We stayed close after I left radio and she changed stations. She broke the rules to run an interview with Luane when Intentions premiered, she broke the rules when she believed the rules were stupid. She was such a strong, full of life personality, I can't believe she's gone.

My friends told me last night she passed away from a rare form of muscular cancer in Connecticut (she had been DJing in Tennessee most recently).

Phyllis was only 44. She owned ferrets. She was bluntly honest about everything. She had strong principles and ALWAYS stood up for what was right. She new people in the S&M community and told me all about it: the culture, the safe words, the rules. Who is unabashedly honest like that? She smoked, she had beautiful eyes, she kept the same hair cut for ever, she once did a body wrap to impress a guy and lose a pound before she saw him and gave me all the gory details of being mummified with ziploc bags on her feet and hands to catch the released toxins liquifying out of her body. She said she looked like a giant ace bandage with glasses.

Phyllis West loved me without judgment. She showed me when I was going through my struggle that straight folks can be trusted and they can and will stand up for gay folks. They will do the right thing. Fortunately, I told her often how much I appreciated her in my life and how much richer it was because of her. She told me often how much I meant to her in teaching her that not all Christians are weird. We loved each other because of our differences, she showed me it is all a matter of maturity and reciprocated appreciation.

Oh, how I miss her. I was planning to see her in May when we will be in Tennessee for a visit. I was in Illinois when her funeral arrangements were being made in Chicago, I didn't even know it. Recently, I've had a number of friends lose someone close to them but I haven't lost anyone close to me in several years, I never would have thought it'd be Phyllis I'd be mourning next.

Thank God we told each other every time we talked how much we appreciated each other. Thank God. The loss still hurts, but I tell ya, every time I meet a new challenge, I'll think of her. She never backed down. She was never afraid and good for her...because of that, she lived fully in her very short life. Go big or go home. Live out loud. Always do the right thing. Thanks Phyllis.

Here's an excerpt of her last email to me. May we all have these people in our lives:

Love you both and wish you all the goodness in the WORLD!

I have your invite on the outside of my cube along with a big sign that says 'THIS CUBICLE SUPPORTS GAY MARRIAGE." I will tell you that I get many, many eyebrow raises as people in this conservative forsaken state pass by. I can't believe I live here.

Love you honey...always your friend.

Phyll

Early Mornin', April 4, A Shot Rings Out...

On this day, 39 years ago, Martin Luther King was shot and killed. We're doing an appearance and screening tonight in the same area where we premiered to celebrate one year of God & Gays, and it'll be a great homecoming. We're holding it at a high school theatre in a town that has had more than its share of controversy around the high school starting a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance). The community from nearby areas including the regional PFLAG chapter stepped up big and marched and paraded in pride and solidarity.

This particular area is demographically biased to Catholic, Caucasian, nuclear family. There's a lot of money, excellent educational (only a few minutes from Stanford) opportunities and the streets are quaint and clean. It's quite an ideal area. It's beautiful.

Which usually makes me more nervous. What's hidden behind the painted doors? What's NOT being addressed? What's in denial, being ignored, repressed and oppressed? Sometimes I'm more comfortable and safe in areas that have their hearts and opinions on their sleeves, at least I know who I'm with and where I'm at and where the nearest exit is located.

We know that equality for gay folks in being open in the schools is a place of contention. It's a wound that local heroins like Ruth Gibbs seek to heal. She and many others know that a wound doesn't heal by being ignored. It needs attention and nurturing so it can heal itself.

We hope that having our anniversary screening in their town brings more of that healing, the same healing MLK sought decades ago. We are still dealing with the same hurt and pain he devoted his life into healing. We're still here so many years later making another mistake with another segment of society.

I do have a dream. One where gay and straight students can live in harmony in their schools, that homophobia and folks calling others sinners is as intolerable as the KKK has become. They were once socially acceptable and paraded down streets openly. It was individuals expanding their hearts both in and out of the KKK that changed their ideals' social acceptance. As a bunch of individuals, we make up the society and therefore make up the rules. As quick as it is to get ticked at someone who cuts you off in traffic is as quickly we can change our minds about fear and misunderstanding. Just choose love and live it through in action. Especially on a day like today. Help break the cycle and let this be the last generation to deal with discrimination.

This is the crap we have to deal with daily...

Hi everyone. I was forwarded this excerpt from Christiangays.com talking about no matter how defrocked Paul Cameron is, he's still spilling out the most absurd "research" and passing it off as truth. We've mentioned him before and for more of his background, read Rev. Dr. Mel White's new book, Religion Gone Bad.

Some people wonder why we come out to people, why we mention our sexuality at all. If we didn't, who knows how many people would be running around actually believing outright lies like those that come from Focus on the Family, Exodus International and Cameron. Since we've been deep into research for doing the movie and basically living in this country, finding out that more info is released of greater and greater absurdity just makes me laugh now. It's become such a joke. I'd be laughing longer and harder if this kind of info wasn't believed and therefore used against other people.

This kind of stuff makes us question what is real, what is truth and who can we trust? Here's the filter we use: God is love. If any info, belief, behavior, etc. is intentioned with love, then okay. If in anyway it's coming from fear which is the absence of love, then it's gone, it has no value or purpose. Poof.

I only have so much energy in a day, it's like a bank account and where I spend it shows what I care about and what will feed me and others. I support what supports me. Cameron's findings don't support me or anyone but those who choose to live in perpetual fear. So, why do I post this? Because it took me a while to get to this place of understanding and I know I would have liked knowing what was being said out there about me and my "peeps". While reading these findings, think of the info in context of being in a parody skit, or in the Onion or the Daily Show. Then you'll see just how ridiculous it is. You'll see it for what it is and not let the fear set in.

The one thing that is accurate is that some gays would live a lot longer, but not for his stated reasons. There'd be a higher percentage of gay people in society if there wasn't hate crime, gay bashing and suicide as common practices. Think about it. The genocide has been occurring for decades and decades.

"EARLY GAY DEATH SYNDROME" - MORE FRAUDULENT "RESEARCH"

Excerpt:

Unfortunately, the fraudulent use of counterfeit science is not illegal in the United States. If it were, Dr. Paul Cameron, the head of the Family Research Council would have been imprisoned many years ago. And despite the fact that he was officially expelled from the American Psychological Association in 1983 and officially condemned by both the American Sociological Association and the Canadian Psychological Association, Dr. Cameron is still allowed by law to present himself as a credentialed and published psychologist. (He received his PhD from the University of Colorado at Boulder in 1966.)

So why should you care? Because Dr. Paul Cameron is the leading scientific expert on homosexuality in the eyes of many Republican judges and lawmakers, Christian fundamentalists, "family values" organizations and conservative media.
. . . . .
Cameron has now documented Early Gay Death Syndrome (EGDS). According to this new research, which Cameron claims is the largest random sex survey ever conducted, the oldest male that could be found who engaged in homosexuality was 54 years old and the oldest female was 49. According to Dr. Cameron the reason for this is because the average life span of a homosexual is 20 plus years shorter than for a heterosexual.

Read the whole article at
http://www.queersig hted.com/ 2007/03/23/ early-gay- death-syndrome/

Beyond Ex Gay Conference Coming in June

Howdy. So much going on these days...this is the time of the year where plans are announced for big events and conferences. Soulforce and BeyondExGay.com have teamed up to hold a conference at UC Irvine in California on June 29-July 1.

If you're familiar with Darlene Bogle's story from our movie, you'll understand what the ex gay thing does to people and, in Darlene's words, "doesn't ever take." People instead spend years denying their homosexuality and repressing affection and love under the belief they are sinners and must instead surround themselves in a more cultish atmosphere and continue to pray their gay away. Never mind that there are no "success" statistics, that Ted Haggard was apparently "cured" in three weeks by a group of ministers not trained in the area and the original founders of Exodus came out and lived quite happily together in love, relationship and communion.

The Beyond Ex Gay Conference is timed and located to match the ironically titled Exodus Freedom Conference in Irvine. The Conference is put on by two people who got sucked into the ex gay brain melt and have suffered a great deal from the emotional trauma. They have courage and a great story to tell.

They consider themselves survivors of the ex gay movement. They are lucky. They are lucky they got out, they are lucky they are alive. We're lucky they are alive and got out as well, that's how more people won't make the same harmful mistakes. So check out the conference, share your stories if you got involved in the ex gay groups around the country, network, come together.

If you can't make their conference, stay tuned to hear our announcement for our conference as we'll have Darlene Bogle present and she'll have a special break out group just for those who have indeed survived ex gay programming damage or are currently involved and seek options.

Transitioning City Manager in Florida in Transition

There's an interesting situation going on in Largo Florida these days. 48-year old Steve Stanton has been the city manager, and a good one, and he was outed as planning a sex-change operation in 2008 and beginning to live as a woman pre-op this summer. It threw the city residents and employees into a tizzy and he's been fired from his job. But it's okay, his contract says he can be fired from his job without cause at any time. Sounds like a crappy contract. Always read the fine print! It's one of the reasons we are self-distributing God & Gays, "standard" contracts are usually (not always) obscenely bias to the interests of the Goliath and it's up to the Davids to have the lawyer or lawyer-like knowledge to fight the uphill battle to fairness. Can you imagine how much money, time and a better working relationship it'd be if contracts started off being fair? I digress. Being a producer, I read a lot of contracts and it's not my favorite part of the job so when I see someone so overtly screwed by a line in a contract that shouldn't be there anyway because it's not fair-minded, I get riled up.

There's great debate around the City Manager ordeal. This guy has done a good job. Steve living and looking like a woman shouldn't affect his job at such a level to lose it entirely. I wonder what he was thinking as he lead up to the announcement of his plans. He had to figure he may not be welcomed and celebrated, even though his decision to become more of who he is shouldn't be judged by others as it has nothing to do with them. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing to do with them. Maybe he had trust and faith in the good of people like Anne Frank. Maybe he came to the surrender that he knew he needed to live openly and honestly to who he is, give others the chance to learn, love and grow from the opportunity and just see what happens.

I'm not shocked he was removed from his post, although he doesn't deserve it. Had he not been outed, had he always felt like a man inside and was contented by his gender identity, he'd still be merrily rolling along at his job.

But at least he had the guts to risk the publicity, the slurs, the ignorance, the lack of acceptance and understanding in order to be more of who he is. Fortunately, Equality Florida, churches and others have stepped up in support for Steve Stanton. He knows there's a segment of society that "gets it", well, maybe not all get it but we don't need to in order to support him and his courage. His situation is a testimony of what each of us must do to be more of who are. Maybe it's not a sex-change for you or me, maybe it won't be so public and there won't be hearings deciding your fate, but it still takes the courage and that's what matters. Ya gotta respect Steve.

Do you have the guts to live your life fully? I can safely bet he's already feeling happier and more relief at the most public time of his life. He's now aligned and will most likely only get stronger. Good for him, good for us all. Feel free to email comments of support to Largo city council and officers for Steve and his situation. It's heartbreaking to see that 7 people can make the call on such important decisions and 5 of them voted fear-based. Ugh. Here's to focusing on what we want to have happen...thank God for those two who voted for her!

Queer Youth Are Human

Around the country, there will be marches by GLBT youth and their supporters to several state capitols on Monday March 26th. It's happening in California and sponsored by Equality California. It's fun here in California right now as we have the most equality-supporting state assembly in a long time and they are reviewing several bills inching the state towards equality for GLBT folks. However, we have an actor as our governor and regardless of how his wife feels, one of his staff's orientation, the movement of the people in California, the wake of Newsome's marriages in San Francisco and his own touching letter ad supporting equality in last year's Human Rights Campaign gala program, he plans on vetoing marriage equality.

Luane and I recently attended a Lambda Legal function in San Francisco and in the midst of the yummy quesadillas and offering my name tag to Kevin, the ED of LL since we couldn't find one for him, I asked anyone who'd listen if there's been a possibility to have the open and affirming churches band together like the evangelical unsupportive ones have and counter sue the measures to vote in discrimination at the state and federal level.

What shut Newsome's marriage licenses down was suits by conservative church interest groups. So, where's the open and affirming church interest groups to counter? Why do the "no's" get a louder voice? Why were they able to stop the marriages when there was so much obvious support? Why didn't the voices of love and equality prevail?

I asked my sister if she'd sing a song her husband and friend wrote called "Human" at our upcoming conference. She was into it, her husband was cool with it...and the friend said no because he didn't want the song associated with the movie. I guess a song called "Human" has no place with our movie. Hmm. I sniff a pattern here.

I bring this random story up to show that even though majority ruled and it was ruling from a loving place, the fear-based, lack of understanding single voice won. We won't have "Human" sung at our conference, the positive, healing, compassionate message of the song will go unheard.

I actually get why the open and affirming, progressive, equality-minded churches aren't suing. That's not who they are. They don't spend time that way because suing is fear-based. As I've mentioned before a quote from Howard Thurman, "No one ever wins a fight" and they get that fighting isn't Jesus-like, it's not "Christian".

So, the squeaky wheel still gets the oil in the legislative world and the queer youth have to march to help shape their future to make the world a better place than they've found it.

They are focusing on the change they want to see. They are focusing on what they want to have happen and aren't cowering to circumstances. We encourage you and remind ourselves that in any way we can, we must support the Yes, support the queer and allies that say "yes, I am Human".

Just, please, say something!

I'm blessed with many people from around the world forwarding links to articles, videos, blogs, etc. to help us keep our ear on the ground of what's going on in the reconciliation movement. Our biggest concern is how people are being affected by the discourse. There's lots of people talking, but who are the listeners and what are they doing with what they hear? Is it helping or harming? Is it building people up, or breaking them down?

We were perusing through YouTube, read some articles about the "revolutionaries" of evangelical Christianity and finally caught up on an Oprah episode from December on amazing family stories. These seemingly disparate mediums had one common theme that jumped out at me.

There was a lot of talk...and nothing was actually being said. Why was that?

For example, there's a Joel Osteen video on YouTube where he and his wife are asked by Larry King their thoughts on homosexuality and what they'd do if/when one of their kids came out to them. Their answers did involve verbal response but the body language and lack of quality or depth of the answers was more emphasized.

On the Oprah episode, 14 Christian families in North Carolina adopted several orphans from Liberia while the children were in a traveling choir. No doubt the act is noble. When Oprah was wanting to learn how the culture shocks were dealt with, what the parents hoped for the children given this opportunity to live in America, etc....the answers were so on the surface, we learned nothing. I felt like they either hadn't thought much about it, or very deeply, or didn't want to tell the truth and only talk about God's nudge to adopt these children. It felt as shallow as asking them to tell me about the Bible and their answer would be "it's a good book."

This is something I've noticed for decades about people in general and something I self-check and make sure I'm working on. I used to teach a critical thinking course on the media. For a course with such subjective grading criteria, the only time an answer was flat out wrong was when there was no thought or effort behind it, when we learned nothing from it, like the Bible is a good book, the movie was "cool", and "I dunno, I just liked the TV show, it was good."

Sure, we don't have to analyze everything, but I do think it's worthwhile to challenge or at least pause once in a while and excavate where our beliefs come from - if they are really ours or are they our parents, or our friends, or an institution like church or government. God speaks to us through our intuition, which is our individuality. Do we tell the truth of our thoughts when we speak, even if it's good stuff like learning how Caucasian American families adjusted to African, Liberian teenagers in their home? Are we too much in the habit of saying what we think others want to hear, will approve of, will be the Christian answer, will be the "right" answer?

Owning our own beliefs and not having to tap dance or pretend when asked good questions worthy of thoughtful and sincere answers, builds us up and teaches others. So, I pray we shed the parroting, and speak thoughtfully so we can all learn something once in a while. I just want to learn from these articles, videos, blogs, I want to be fed nutritional meals of authenticity and wisdom. And I hope this blog is helpful, I hope it builds you up, I hope it feeds you like it feeds me.

Sexual Energy Meets Spiritual Energy

I was sent a quote that I wanted to share with y'all:

"Sexual Energy and Spiritual Energy are identical Energy. When you are tuned in, tapped in, turned on--that's the "turned on". When Source Energy flows through you, it flows through you. You cannot separate one from the other."

This quote hits our message right on. There's a part in the movie where Mel White says "come out, come out, wherever you are" and then describes how yes, by being honest about who he is and accepting himself, he lost a great deal personally and professionally. AND he gained so much more. He's since re-emerged as a fantastically successful author who's writings like Stranger at the Gate has literally saved hundreds and hundreds of lives. He says in the movie, you become the greater live-r, the greater creator, once we get on with who God made us to be.

I try to back up this point at our Q&A appearances. I talk about how I need everyone in that audience to turn down the volume of drama (as Rev. Deborah says, "drama is optional") in their lives and get on with the work we are here to do. We are here to live big, not play small. We are here to be a benefit, not a hardship to society...and ourselves. We are meant to, as my grandfather put it, "leave a room better than we found it". The more we put that mission off, the more society will dis-ease and deteriorate. It's totally reversible, we just have to choose to live out loud.

In a puritan society that either embraces the purity and judges others on it or rebels against it, the quote pasted above is a simple reminder that God made us together as one. Rev. Deborah talks about "the only thing that needs to be healed is the SENSE of separation". The separation between us is not real, it's perception. The separation from God is not real, it's perception. The separation within our sexual and spiritual selves is not real, it's perception. Everywhere around us is oneness. The sooner we get this, the sooner us and the world are healed. It's really not anymore complicated than that. That's it. The answer to all our questions is just love. The rest is drama. Enjoy being together, inside and out.

Join us with Rev. Deborah Thurs April 5th 5pm PDT/8pm EDT LIVE on a teleconference call from the privacy of your own home. To register, go to www.godandgaysthemovie.com/conference.

Senate Bills in Salem

Luane and I just returned from Salem, Oregon where Willamette University hosted God & Gays and our Q&A event. We had a great time, the rain actually took a break, which is odd as there's many jokes about Oregonians rusting in the summertime. I was born in Portland, Oregon, lived in the Portland suburb of Milwaukie for some of my childhood. It was a fantastic trip for me and well timed.

Recently, Luane and I have been clearing and organizing our garage to make way for our new family member, the Toyota Prius. I've been going through a bunch of boxes containing the remains of my childhood and adolescence. It's wild to see some of those photos, read those notes from Chemistry and watch my handwriting morph to the small print I do today.

To visit Oregon and see some of our family's stomping grounds...Lew's Dairy Freeze on McLoughlin near the Bomber restaurant and see our favorite Chinese restaurant as an empty building now that the owners have passed away...has been in some ways healing and in some ways feeling proud of my past because it made me who I am today.

I visited the Church of Christ where I was baptized at 12. I asked one of the women there how the Church of Christ is involved and handling the reconciliation dialogue and she said "we aren't." So, I asked how that's working for them, "not so great." I mentioned the stories I've been told of Harding University students committing suicide over the pressure of their beliefs and their orientation. She mentioned she's lost some friends the same way for the same reason.

I was actually inspired. The woman was kind and she was courageous. She reminded me that facts change. Facts are a snapshot in time and "this too shall pass". Her church is transitioning to being more authentically welcoming and becoming more contemporary in its style and outreach. It's a fantastic start.

I felt a shift going on in Oregon while we ran around the state, visited folks at the grass roots level and met people along the way. Currently, there are two bills in the state legislature. One about domestic partnerships and one for adding sexual orientation and gender expression as part of discrimination protection. Currently, a gay man can be fired from his job, refused housing, etc. just for being gay. At night, after the screening event, Luane and I were winding down and flipped through the TV channels. We stopped when we saw the local community station airing the hearing of SB2 which is the discrimination bill. We listened to arguments pro and con. It was fascinating. All the clergy we saw attend were for the allowance of sexual orientation being included. One minister said he felt the state government needed to lead the way for the churches as churches are historically the last ones to catch on to equality, civil rights and acceptance. Churches are the slowest to get God's message. Something funny about that.

Earlier in the day, Luane and I spoke in a Rhetoric of Religion class. This was really different than other classes we've spoken in. Our talk was more about how the messages around the topic are communicated and why. Being a media theory prof in the past, I loved it. Several guys stayed back after class and we had long talks, sometimes that's our favorite thing to do. We do most of the listening and in some cases, we're the first to hear from a student that they're struggling and just want to talk about it, just tell someone they feel safe with.

It's common our movie and event brings people out of the woodwork, out of the closet sometimes just because they finally have open support and a safe place to go. The Q&A crowd was very cool and gave us a standing ovation at the end.

Oregon's got it goin' on and I'm proud to be an Oregonian.

Challenges or Chances?

As you know, we've been in the mega planning stages for God & Gays: The Conference 2007, "Unity Is Our Identity" event coming this summer. It's been painful to not tell you all the amazing speakers we have...and the musicians too, wow! We're only a few weeks away from making our announcement and opening up registration. Hopefully, you've been saving that vacation day and set aside some moola for airfare and hotel. You have to be at this event, it's truly one of a kind. And it's been built with a lot of love from a lot of people, just for you.

By planning the conference, we have had tremendous success in getting people to appear. People from all walks of life have stepped up and shown their energy and support and when we see and get to feel that warmth, we know we're doing the right thing.

Then there's the times where things are going so smoothly...and then a hiccup. For example, to help keep the costs down and be able to publicize the Conference the way we're planning, we've needed to hold a few fundraisers. We're seeking people who get what this event will do in people's lives, who get the vision of providing such unconditional support. We're looking to bridge a gap, not only with the movie but also the Conference. There's conferences, curriculum, organizations, etc. that approach politics, law, pastors, denomination leaders, business leaders and thank God for them and the work they do. The area we can serve is providing safe space for the silent and struggling, for their parents, for their colleagues, their neighbors sitting with them in church and for the straight but not narrow supporters to come and show their strength.

The hiccup we've been experiencing lately resembles the challenges we had when making the movie. Corporations and business support and cheer us on, but feel they can't publicly support or help provide backing. We made the movie from church, individual and credit card money. We were determined to tell this story and have accumulated a great deal of support since it's been made. People seem to get it after it's done...like when I've finished doing the dishes and Luane comes in and asks if she could help...a little too late, but the intention is received.

Now, we're in this stage again of starting something new and the same challenges arise...businesses still are shying away, etc. Like completing the movie, we'll continue to forge on and hold this Conference. It has to be an option for people. What other options are there? Exodus International and Cross Ministries have continual one day conferences at churches that attract thousands of people. They recently had Phoenix, AZ buzzing.

If people really think their only choice is to just pray harder and numb yourself to a spiritual zombie in an unhappy heterosexual marriage, it's just nuts and I can't sit by and let it happen. I know we can reconcile, I know God made us this way, I know God wants us to live fully, honestly and completely to our potential and spend our energy giving to others and making this a more beautiful world versus wallowing in drama and self torture victimization.

So the movie is more than a movie to us. These hiccups, these challenges, these "no's" are just "okay then, next!" chances. The conference will happen. It'll be affordable to attend. It will blow your mind. It'll change your heart. It'll help all of us be more of who we are.

Please be in prayer for us throughout the rest of the planning stages. We feel so blessed to have this chance, to have this opportunity to serve in this way. Thanks for being with us and if you're wondering how you can help, the best thing you could do is share this blog, our web site, the link to purchase the DVD with everyone you know. If you're in chat rooms, bring up the movie and how people can get it. If you are in social networking groups, tell your network, if you belong to a church, get an insert in your bulletin...this is how you can help us. This is how you can help us, help you (to quote Jerry MacGuire). There are no challenges before us, only chances. Thanks for taking this chance with us.

Wanna Talk to Rev. Deborah Johnson?

Thanks to everyone who joined us last week on our first God, Gays & You Live Interview call with Luane and I. The questions were great, we hope something we said was helpful and informative. We didn't mention Dotti Berry and her arrest at Focus on the Family because we thought you'd prefer to hear the story from her mouth directly!

Dotti and her partner Robynne will join us for the May call along with someone who used to indirectly work for Focus on the Family, Darlene Bogle. Darlene just published her long-awaited follow up to Long Road to Love which was written when she worked as a leader for Exodus International (which is supported by Focus on the Family). Darlene has lived a lot of life since those days and her story is captivating. You hear some of it in our movie but to learn more, check out her new book, A Christian Lesbian Journey.

In April, we will have the one and only, Rev. Deborah Johnson on the conference call. Many of you have mentioned how she affected you through the movie, some have said you'd do anything just to say thank you to her, for her words touching you so deeply and changing you.

Now's your chance. Join us Thursday, April 5th 5pm PDT/8pm EDT for a one hour exclusive interview and Q&A session with "Rev. D.". We'll also officially announce our conference line up, location and dates. You gotta be on this call, there'll never be another one like it! Luane and I will take your questions over yahoo! IM and ask them for you to Rev. D. during the call and if time permits, we'll open up the lines and take your verbal questions or comments.

The whole year of the God, Gays & You Series is all scheduled and it's all for you. Subscribe to the Series today: www.godandagaysthemovie.com/conference. As a subscriber, you'll get access to the recorded version of the call to download and keep.

Hope you can join us...I CAN'T WAIT for Thursday, April 5th. Talk to you then!

Our 8 Mile

As you know, Luane is training for a marathon for the Leukemia Society's team in training. I was able to join her last weekend during the "buddy run". Keep in mind, I played softball, volleyball and basketball in my youth and although I've been raised around a bunch of long-distance and marathon runners, I've not been one myself.

However, my native American grandmother did give me the name "Gazelle". I have a picture of a cartoon gazelle on my cell phone, it's a great reminder...that I have long legs.

One of the workshops I teach is about getting out of our comfort zones. Now, I'm big on practicing what one preaches so to run with Luane during the 8 mile buddy run was a big step out of my comfort zone. The most I'd ever run at once was 4 miles, and that was just a couple of months ago.

When we showed up to the stretching area to begin the buddy run, I couldn't believe where we were and the trail we were to take. Where we live, we have beaches and mountains. This run was in the mountains. No joke. Not only was I expected to run 8 miles at 7.30am on a Saturday, but in the mountains. Starting at the bottom. Winding around to go back up again. Twice.

Fortunately, I didn't head trip for long. I just stretched, let the mountain be a mole hill and started running. And I'm still alive and can walk. I did it, I ran 8 miles and Luane who just a few years ago was on her back from five car accidents in one year, ran 8 miles too.

So, Luane and I are taking on all kinds of comfort zone breakers in our personal and professional life (see the consistency blog below), we encourage you to do the same. It's fun and we can all use a little more fun.

Blogging on Olivia

Great news...Olivia Cruises is starting a social networking site and they've asked us to be featured blogging columnists. I'll be doing most of the blogging a couple days a week, Luane will dictate her parts (I type faster) as the blog will be more broad than this blog, we'll talk about films, filmmaking and well, whatever we feel like talking about I suppose.

The site is in beta now, the blogs will go up the beginning of April. Stay tuned and we'll let you know when it's live. Be assured you don't have to be a woman or even gay to be on the site. It's an equal opportunity site of course. Hope you'll participate and enjoy the new Olivia site!

You Say It's Your Birthday

Today, I turn 38. I remember on my 30th birthday...I was so pissed. Not in a drunk way, I've never been into drinking, but in the ticked off way. I liked being in the 20-something category and was mad I was now 30. Then, I realized a very important fact of life...at this moment, I'm the youngest (biologically) I'll ever be again. I am older than I was five minutes ago, and so on.

This a-ha has helped me every birthday...I'm so young right now...and now....and now....and now. Makes me stay present...and as they say, we call it present because it's a gift.

I look at my being mad at being 30 and wish I was 30 again. This reminds me of the story about the 95 year old woman who said, "oh to be 70 again.". It's all relative, isn't it.

So, for your birthday, hug your mom and thank her for going through hell to have you on this day. I crack my mom up every year when I say thank you to her as I usually celebrate her on my birthday. I had the easy part I figure.

I was born 3.33am, late by a month apparently, already tall right out of the womb and a pisces which helps me understand why my work is my life and my life is my work. Well, I read that on some astrology site anyway.

Happy Birthday to you, whenever it is. Make sure to celebrate you, we are to be our own biggest fans. I'm off to eat Italian food and a dessert thing called a "pazookie"...so typical of Luane and I to eat something with such a bizarre name....of course, it includes a chocolate chip cookie, 2 in fact. Go big or go home. :)

Consistently Inconsistent

Howdy folks. One of the things I'm continuing to improve in my life is consistency. This comes to mind immediately as I blog for the first time in forever it seems. I miss it actually. I'm in my element when I write (sometimes stream of consciousness in all honesty) blogs, articles and just about everything. It comes with the cost of sitting at a computer however. We're filmmakers, we like to be up and about...using clothespins to hold up gels for lights (called C-47s in "the biz"), eating pizza inbetween takes and waiting for the plane over head to go by so audio is happy.

The other time I feel in my element is when we're doing a Q&A after a screening, teaching at a workshop, and participating on panels. I LOVE it. I taught for 8 years at a university and sometimes I'd only walk into the classroom with a topic and I'd end up with the best discussion and epiphanies I could share...never could happen when I planned it out. It's when I feel most connected to God, actually, which is probably why I'm so happy doing it. I always pray before we start that what is said is what is supposed to be said and always out of love and courage to be authentic. If you've come to a screening, hopefully that resonates with you and your experience with us and the movie.

The reason I mention my moments of being in my element and consistency is because I had a meeting with Rev. Deborah Johnson (she's in the movie) and we had an incredible talk about a million things and one of them was consistency. She helped me realize that when I look at the life stuff I don't enjoy as much and the times I worry or doubt or go chasing after outcomes I seek, I'm making something else my God. She mentioned that when I'm writing, when I'm doing public speaking, that's when I'm making God...God in my life. That's when I am trusting, when I have faith and it has always worked out for the best.

By not taking that faith, that trust, that connection with me in the rest of my life, I'm therefore disconnecting and placing faith in something or someone else...which leads to disappointment, fear, and more. It's like a universe safety measure...make something else your focus and it won't work...guaranteed. Rev. D. talks about how we as humans are charged to "tend the garden" and be careful to not run around and say "we do God's work". God's work is God's, it's not ours. We're to do what it is before us to do. What a relief, huh? As a result, we fit into the rhythm of life as God's work flows through us when we make ourselves available for it by not making our job, our movie (maybe that's just me), our plans, our mate the most important aspect of our focus as it drowns under pressure.

So, in the spirit of what Valerie Joi reminds us in the movie and what Rev. D reminded me yesterday, consistency is the key. Remember how you feel when you're in your element...and take it with you wherever you go.

Luane's a Marathoner in Training

Last week, Luane and I went to my Grandfather's memorial race in their small cowboy town here in California. My grandfather started this race when the town library was having financial difficulty and couldn't buy anymore big print books. Well, my grandmother, the avid reader and wise native american owl she was, read those big print books. They weren't just for her either, she'd read them out loud and record them so my grandfather and his traveling insurance salesmen friends could listen to them...the first audiobooks ever recorded.

My grandfather started running marathons in his sixties, was very active in the local Lions Club and a running club. He gathered his boys together and started a run for the library. After he passed - before his time - they named the race after him. We're proud as a family and reunite every February at the race. It's a special time to me.

Somehow, Luane and I missed the 1 mile run she signed up for and she ended up spontaneously running with me in the 5k. She not only was wearing her ski jacket but she also had to visit the bathroom...during the whole 3.2 miles. She did it. This is a woman who wasn't sure she could do a mile, someone who just a few years ago experienced FIVE car accidents in one year and was on her back for months.

She's truly a miracle. She rehabbed herself and just did a 5k....with a ski jacket on. While on the run, she met Team in Training members of the Leukemia Society. She was moved and fell for the idea that through a team situation, she may be able to handle a half marathon (13 miles).

She comes home, signs up with the local team, and they had been training for two months already. She shows up to the her first run with them and she runs 8 miles. No joke. In two weeks she went to "maybe I can do a mile" to running 8 miles (no ski jacket this time).

She signed up to run an entire marathon in Alaska in June. I'm so incredibly proud of her I can't contain it well. I run with her on her "buddy" runs and love being her cheerleader and number one fan. She's had this goal since last year and hadn't acted on it. Then, it ran along side of her and her ski jacket and she grabbed it.

Funny how life has a knack for showing up at the right time....here's to all the quantum leapers out there running a mile to 26 in whatever you do!

Alexandria - Success & Spheres

Maybe not the most PC of titles, but hey, truth is truth. Thanks to HRC, I flew to Alexandria, VA to be present with a screening of our movie at the Black History Museum hosted by the Alexandria GLCA. They are on fire...going from 30 to 300+ ACTIVE members in a short time, building alliances with Equality Virginia, local UCC churches, Virginia Partisans and many other community and political members.

I was fortunate to meet many of them in my brief stay and I'm a better person for it. I flew all day across the country reading Joe Vitale's Life's Missing Instruction Manual, somehow was sprite with energy when Richard picked me up in Baltimore and we enthusiastically chatted the whole way to VA. We recounted our days growing up in the Church of Christ...me in Oregon and him in Mississippi. We got there in plenty of time and had a wonderful dinner that included jasmine rice and this green bean thing that was to die for.

If you've been keeping up with this blog, you know there's two goals I have to every visit I'm on: eat at a locally owned restaurant and find a chocolate chip cookie (no nuts). Considering I was in VA from 5pm Thurs night until 5am the next morning, I managed to manifest both without even trying.

Greeted by Karen and Lewis who hosted the screening and enjoying the room filling up more and more to the point we had to keep the doors open and squish more chairs along the walls and...well, everywhere. This was the first Q&A I handled solo and although there were times I tried to toss a question to Luane's ghost, I think I did okay. The feedback was fantastic and the audience was very supportive and energized. I LOVED being at the Black History Museum in February with this movie. It was perfect. This is also where I had my first cookie.

During the Q&A, I try to find a way to encourage all of us to, in the words of Rev. D., "take this consciousness and multiply it"....so we are mindful of rippling out this energy and unconditional love and compassion for ourselves and others and not let it be a moment in passing. I retold a story Richard told me of two high school girls who allegedly committed suicide in a flash of Romeo and Juliet moment. One jewish, one a Christian, both women. And they wanted to be together. Taking their lives was how they thought they could be together. Had the screening been two weeks earlier, had someone who understands reconciliation gotten through to them and been a safe space for them....what ifs abound. For those of us in this work, we know how textbook this behavior choice has become, and how it almost became our story.

So that's how I'll wrap up this blog...you never know who's in your sphere of influence who could use your support - and remember, you don't have to understand in order to support - to be who they are, to have a safe space to go to...be out there and you'll be the change you hope to see.

What Happens Here, Happens Everywhere

I just wanted to post some links on what's going on with the UK's Anglican church and the US' Episcopalian church. What's going on reminds me of a friend who visited several churches with me when I moved. She couldn't understand why there were so many churches. After two years of trying every donut we could, she said "why aren't there more churches?" She found many churches the same and for her taste, worship style, etc. she wanted to see more churches. Well, the current chasm is one of many causes of church splits over history. It's hard to see this lesson of focusing on differences rather than our simlarities played over and over in religion. I'm wondering when God's lesson of unconditional love and oneness will finally prevail. Here's what my mother would call, the "2x4 theory" in action...that's why the last song of our movie is called, "Whisper". May we stop and just listen to the whisper.

Gay Christians march against Church homophobia UK The protestors will demand that the Archbishop of Canterbury provide equality for gay and lesbian Anglican Christians worldwide, and for the Catholic church ...

Nigerian Primate has unexpected Valentines Day gay encounter UKArchbishop Peter Akinola, scourge of lesbian and gay people and their supporters in the worldwide Anglican Communion, had an unexpected Valentines Day ...

Last bid to stop Anglican split According to the Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement (LGCM), some 100 bishops worldwide are homosexual, though many are not active. At the centre of the row is The Episcopal Church (TEC), the liberal body representing Anglicans in the US ...The Awakening - http://pietist.blogspot.com/index.html

Gay NZers abandon mainstream religions New Zealand
While mainstream Christian denominations such as Anglican, Presbyterian and Methodist churches refrain from overtly preaching an anti-gay message, ...

Article (Telegraph): gays, marriage and Rowan Williams He had long supported the Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement. His theological attitude to homosexual relations depended in part upon finding in the Bible a condemnation of homosexual acts performed for gratification, but no biblical ...Chelmsford Anglican Mainstream - http://chelmsfordanglicanmainstream.blogspot.com/index.html

We're Planning 2007 God & Gays: The Conference

We are so buzzing around the production office these days...in addition to booking appearances at Universities, churches, conferences and Pride celebrations in 2007, we're also flitting about putting together this year's God & Gays Conference! I am certainly very excited as it's my little baby. The movie is Luane's baby and what she does best and the conference is mine and what I do best. We're great professional as well as personal partners, as you can see.

I'll give you a hint about this year's conference....it'll be in the east side of the US. We're only having one this year and since it's the only one, like an only child, it's getting all the attention and the best stuff thrown at it.

As we get closer to our announcement date in April, I'll drop more clues. It's the best line up I've ever seen on this topic. I'm just blown away at the energy, enthusiasm and talent that's involved. All of us working on it are very clear in our intention to make it historical, unique, mind-blowing, heart-changing and life-altering.

So far, so great. It's hard for me to keep such an exciting secret until the time is right, but I'm gonna try. Just know that it's coming and to keep a vacation day free to attend. Start budgeting the airfare and hotel so you have a clear path to be there, no obstacles.

Intend to be there. Really. You will not want to miss this conference, it's like no other...

Gender Identity Crisis and Dr. Phil

On Wed Jan 17, Dr. Phil had a show on gender identity crisis. He opened the show with a transgender female to male (FTM) who had felt like a man all her life and wanted to have her breasts surgically removed in order to feel more comfortable and right with her body. She then plans on living fully as a man. Her mother and aunts are firmly against it. They handled her being a lesbian, but this is too much for them and feel they need to stop her...even though they don't understand why she wants the transformation. They don't need to, understanding isn't necessary, but support and compassion is. Do they love and want to protective their relative, absolutely no question...it's just how they go about it and being blinded by the boundary of where they stop and the other person starts.

The first thought we had while seeing the episode was of excitement since we rarely hear of Dr. Phil acknowledging GLBT people and their struggles in a somewhat ignorant society. But, as soon as I saw how they placed the stage furniture and how it was three of the trans' relatives against her, facing each other in opposition, it was going to get ugly and ugly it did get. Was there violence or hatespeech? No. But nevertheless abuse. Verbal abuse came from the trans' aunt who actually had brought a Bible with her on the show. They were raised Catholic and there's actually a good few minutes were the aunt said over and over again that Jesus will quench her desires of the lifestyle and to just accept God and Jesus into her heart.

It sounds sweet, caring and loving on the surface. But here's the rub: it was making the judgment and assumption that the trans FTM wasn't already in divine alignment. The assumption is that if someone is GLBT, they aren't in relationship and obedience to God when the opposite is almost always true, which is why they come out. While the aunt went off, the FTM tried to explain that her God is a loving God and Jesus is in her heart already but the aunt kept going to the point that the FTM just sat there, battered and shut down, ganged up against.

What breaks our hearts the most on this is that Dr. Phil didn't intervene. He didn't stop the aunt from these horrific assumptions. He didn't tell the family to go to PFLAG, to seek out their own resources to find a way to love their relative through this process no matter what, he didn't offer them counseling, he didn't put the harmful behavior in check, he didn't make them accountable to their judgment, reminding them that their lack of comfort around this surgical decision is their own, it has NOTHING to do with the FTM person. It's their own baggage and discomfort and they're pushing it onto the FTM, which will just drive the FTM into more isolation, anger and who knows what - but it won't be beneficial.

The FTM probably trusted she was in a safe and protected environment and then wasn't protected at all, while on a national television show, vulnerably talking about body parts and orientation.

The rest of the stories, Dr. Phil was more compassionate and understanding which was fantastic to see. My heart just ached for the the FTM and it's because this kind of situation is happening all over the country, we made the film and are touring. We've asked Dr. Phil's show for permission to show portions of the episode so if you missed it, you can catch up on it. We'll let you know when we have it available.

Overall, we're still thrilled Dr. Phil did this show. I think talking about these issues and putting human faces to them is crucial to the solution so we're grateful he took them on and showed areas of the conversation that still needs some work.

Out in America Reviews God & Gays

We're heading to Columbus, OH next week and a writer for Out in America did a review on our film. He lives in Columbus so I hope he'll come to the screening and we get to meet him to say thank you.

We appreciated his comments on the movie and the powerful endorsement he gives at the end of the article. We can see that our intentions with the movie are being met when we see press print back to us what we're wanting to accomplish, and they get it from the movie, on their own. The author says, "God and Gays is powerful and attitude-altering and is the cornerstone of new awareness of the diversity in the LGBT community and the issues within that are so troubling. Socially and politically rousing, I recommend this film for those who are struggling with religion, sexuality, and family acceptance. It could save your life, a loved one or familial relationships; that’s worth the time spent watching."

There's also a posting from a pastor in Tucson who has seen the movie, we're thinking he was at our screening there last October, "Yes, this documentary is very powerful and I know all the hurts and deep wounds of our beloved lgbt community... so I urge every gay and lesbian and straight person to see this film and take your family members. I would also ask that we all return to our houses of worship and stand up and be proud of who we are and we can be faith filled people too. I know, I know you all hate organized religion, but let's be more mature in our living and show the world we are awesome people and GOD loves US too! Now here is the link to the movie: www.godandgaysthemovie.com Let's be a blessings to each other and show the world a better way."

We're so grateful!!

Ya know, it's just inspiring when you make something out of nothing, like a movie, and others see it and get what you're trying to do and say. There's a couple corrections we'd like to offer to the article too. The first is that we only shot Jason Stuart in Los Angeles, the rest of the interviews were in different parts of the country and with folks from all over the place, from Virginia to Arkansas to Colorado to California. The second correction is the movie's attention to fundamentalism. Some folks experience that, yes of course, but people like Laura describe her experiences from the local "non denominational" mega church. We wanted people who were all over the map and she, and myself actually, don't have backgrounds in fundamentalism per se, but in the "seeker-friendly" mainstream churches.

The last correction is the narrow scope mentioned. The movie is actually the opposite. We deliberately didn't mention specific denominations and religious backgrounds because we didn't want people who weren't of those denominations to separate themselves out and say, "oh, well, I'm not Catholic so this doesn't apply to me."

Au Contraire. We made that choice in editing because we found it EXACTLY the same experience, no matter what the denomination and religion. The story is for anyone familiar with any religion that uses written doctrine and/or tradition to control, instead of a relationship with the heart of God. So, we actually were shooting to show the similarities, in order to be consistent with the message of oneness. If you're struggling with this issue, it doesn't matter if your Lutheran, Catholic, Jewish or Hindu. The experience of rejection, isolation, struggle, suicidal thoughts, loss of friends, jobs and family members is exactly the same. That's because we are the same.

The dividing and segmenting doesn't work. The separation between experiences and religions doesn't work. It just creates more division. More, "no one understands what I'm going through" when it's not true. So, let's try something new, getting back to the basics that we're all in this together, as one, as God intended from the beginning.

Thank you again to Out in America, the author and the comments posted. We're honored to be a part of their publication.

Ohio Update - Selling out in 72 hours

Wow. We've been blown away by the response we're getting as we pack up our gear again and start our Spring 2007 tour in Ohio. We tried to fit in Ohio in the fall, but I wasn't satisfied fitting in Ohio. Didn't feel right and I'm sure glad we were patient. Now, we're in Columbus on Jan 23rd and in Toledo on Jan 25th. We're getting some fantastic time to meet with local religious leaders and Equality Ohio. We'll be a part of a fantastic panel at a Columbus jewish temple and then the screening that night. The screening sold out quickly less than a week ago and then they moved it to a larger theatre and in less than 72 hours, they filled it up again. So, please come to the panel and the Toledo showing if you're in the area, seats are still available in Toledo. Go to the God & Gays website for event details.

We learned that Ohio is LAST on the list for being a welcoming state to GLBT people. For example, if you're gay, it doesn't matter how incredible you are at your job, wonderfully personable and loved by your co-workers, you can still be fired just because you're gay. Amazing, isn't it...living in Silicon Valley for awhile, I just can't fathom the justification of such inhumanity. It's no different than if you were too short, too tall, hair was too curly...you could be fired for curly hair. It's the same absurdity. Well, being gay can be offensive and uncomfortable in the workplace? For one, those who are uncomfortable are the ones needing change, not the gay person who's being how God created them. Now if they are gay AND have curly hair....oye.

Alas, there are tremendous shifts going on. King Ave. Methodist church is a huge supporter of the screening and the events are headed by Ohio State University's multicultural center. I'm proud to be associated with these institutions and look forward to blogging from Ohio. We'll let you know how it all goes and we hope to see you at the screenings.

St. John's Atlanta

God & Gays is partners with Soulforce and we get their newsletter which recently had a great list of MLK videos to recommend. Since Mel White founded Soulforce based on Martin Luther King, Jr. and Gandhi principles, I tend to listen to the recommendations. I'm a student of MLK and Gandhi as well, which is one of the reasons we sought out Soulforce first when we barely had the idea for the documentary under way.

They also included a story and prayer vigil on an Atlanta Lutheran pastor who will be in hearings this Friday based on charges put up by a fellow Lutheran pastor. I pasted the story below, as well as the link for more information on the prayer vigil.

We've contacted the pastor and expressed our unconditional support and appreciation for him. We're looking to Atlanta as a tour stop area and if are in that area, let us know so we can notify you when we're heading to town. For now, we'll keep our focus on someone who needs the positive energy and focus. Thanks for caring about strangers. You know what Jesus says about that... :)

On August 8, 2006, Bishop Ronald Warren of the Southeastern Synod filed formal charges with the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) against Pastor Schmeling because of his committed relationship with Rev. Darin Easler. Currently, the ELCA has a policy that excludes gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender persons in relationships from the ordained ministry. The congregation, which stands in solidarity with Pastor Schmeling, prays the ELCA will change its policy or that Bishop Warren will drop the charges before a disciplinary hearing is scheduled to begin on January 19, 2007.

During the hours that the trial is in session, members of St. John's will keep vigil in the sanctuary. Those wishing to keep watch and pray in solidarity during this time with others around the world may register online in blocs of 1 1/2 hour. Your name will appear in the online list, along with others who are in vigil, and will be posted at the church and at the trial site. (You can register anonymously if you wish.) A meditation guide of readings will also be available for printing. Please forward this request to join the online prayer vigil to as many people as possible. We want to demonstrate to the hearing committee and to the ELCA just how many people are watching and praying.

Go to http://stjohnsatlanta.org/prayervigil.php5 to sign up for the prayer vigil.

Gays, Fish & Catholics

There's a knarly public debate going on about the Los Angeles Archdiocese updating the Christian fish symbol to include the rainbow colors, which are used to represent gay pride. Their website is very open about their mission in being inclusive for every person and their faith communities.

One article, and there are many, gives a lot of space to the Biblical Family Advocates' response.

What I find most interesting is the rainbow fish symbol has been used for years...and years for Christian gays and lesbians. The open and affirming churches who make the commitment and proactive decision to participate in gay pride marches every June usually are wearing the pins, and proudly, whether they are gay or straight. As they see there's no difference between the two in their perspective, in their eyes, just like God's. God made us all, end of story. It's not more complicated than that and I still am so very puzzled at the energy, the anger, the money, the hate, the control, the pain that is aggressively utilized to make it more complicated.

I used to teach a media theory class at a California University. I loved it. The discussions we'd have...wow. One idea we'd talk about in depth is the use of master symbols. Master Symbols are things, ideas, objects, images that when used over and over again in a controlled context, establish and stabilize an emotional relationship, allegiance and obedience from people.

Here's an example. What comes to your mind first when I write "nazi". The swastika on a German flag? Hitler? What about the emotions you're feeling? Usually, there's immediate distaste, a sinking feeling in our gut, maybe a rise in heart rate, a scowl on our face...different physical manifestations expressing how feel inside.

So, the fish symbol, as described in the linked article, comes from the Greek word "ixthys" which is an acronym for Jesus Christ is God. I'm sure you've seen the stickers or magnet fish on the back of minivans and SUV's, maybe you've even seen the offshoots of an animal eating the fish as a means to express evolution instead of creationism as the world's beginning.

With the contextual repetition of the fish symbol in Christian and Catholic circles, the value was formed of that segment of society as owning its use and meaning. They defend their permission of free speech to use it as well. When the Darwinists pollute it or apparently the gay community, it's some form of disgrace. As if to say, the usage of the symbol is more important than the people expressing through it. They are allowed to use it and control its meaning, it's for no one else to touch and/or have a different opinion.

It's indicative of the whole debate of religion and spirituality. That religion is more important than the person. The how something is expressed is more important than the who and the what.

The bottom line I used to say to the class is, ultimately, in this example, the fish on the minivan is nothing more than plastic and adhesive. It's only as valuable as we claim it to be. To a retailer of a Christian bookstore, the sticker's value is $2.99. To the Biblical Family Advocates, it's more valuable than human beings wanting to live as how God created them.

I often do motivation checks on myself, making sure I act only out of integrity. When a thing becomes more important than a human being, it's time to chill and do some surrendering to God. There's a lesson there for me to learn and I'm forever a student on this path of life, learning every day.

Congrats to the LA Archdiocese, I'm proud of them for getting the lesson and living out loud, Christ-like.

More of a GLBT community than we realize

We were recently privy to a presentation on how to market to the gay community. I giggled when I heard of the recent publications in the marketing community as it finally turns its focus at a macro level to advertising to the gay community niche. I giggled because this is progress. Having spent time in Silicon Valley, the epicenter of the technological world that makes this blog possible, it's been common practice for YEARS in high-tech to hire whoever was the best in what they do. Corporations figured out a long time ago to be color, religion and preference "blind" when making hiring choices. In order to stay competitive and attract the best minds, if the person was gay or not, didn't matter to the company bottom line. So, I knew when the advertising market started to take the gay community seriously, the barriers built upon discrimination would continue to fall, like the Berlin Wall.

There's so much money at stake at ad agencies, a false move loses millions of dollars. But they are also the risk takers. With more television, film, book and online content created for, by and to the gay community, advertisers are psyched to get a piece of the discretionary income pie in a marketplace oft filled with singles and couples without kids. Cha-ching.

So, here's some stats from the presentation that you may find interesting.

- There's 15+ million GLBT adults (over 18 years old) in the US (this is a severe conservative underestimation)
- Approx 8 million men, 6 million women who self-identify as "out"
- Gays live in 99.3% of the US Counties
- Over 2 million known gay coupled-families with kids under 18, one in four same-sex couples

So, if you're struggling, by sheer numbers, you aren't alone. You are not the only gay person in town. Plus, perhaps this helps make sense why people want the tax breaks and government acknowledgment for marriage...to protect families, in whatever shape and form they may come in.

I have many many more stats and will share them here and there in this blog. For reference on the latest book published on marketing to the gay community, check out Business Inside Out: Capturing Millions of Brand Loyal Gay Consumers

The Gift of an Eraser - Happy New Year & We're Coming to Ohio!

Hi everyone, and happy new year from Luane and I. Thank you again for your support during the fall launch of God & Gays and our first ever tour. Things are really ramping up for our touring schedule which starts Jan 23rd in Ohio. We'll continue to update our website with dates as they become available and don't be shy about emailing our booking folks if you'd like us to come to your University, church, organization.

We're really excited to be working with Ohio State and Equality Ohio on Jan 23rd and then Univ of Toledo on the 25th. We've been working with OSU for several months to get a date locked as they were one of the first to work with us and it's finally happening! We're very excited. One of the reasons we didn't make it to Ohio during the fall was because we would have had to squish them in and I'm not cool with that. I wanted to spend quality time in Ohio, meet with political and religious leaders, be available for trainings and talks. Because of that patience, it's paying off. Our OSU host is doing a phenomenal job rallying the troops like local churches and Equality Ohio and we may have a panel discussion with...well, I shouldn't say until it's finalized. He's a major leader in a major organization nationwide and being in his presence is always an honor. Working with him on reconciliation at a micro and macro level is the best work I can spend my time doing. Stay tuned on details on the events at the Ohio screenings.

In the meantime, here's something to start off your 2007 with self-unity in mind. Thanks to my uncle for posting this on our family's group site:

The Gift of an Eraser

A new year is upon us,
Fresh goals are being set;
But doubts and fears still linger
From past ones we haven’t met.

Erase away those doubts, and fears
That you will not succeed.
Commitment and positive attitude
Are really all you need.

You have it in you to reach your goal,
Of that I have no fear.
So “erase” those mistakes and look ahead
To a new beginning for a new year.

Please take this little eraser
To help you create a clean slate.
Wipe away doubts, fears, and failures.
In 2007, you’re going to be GREAT!