Talk with Bishop John Shelby Spong Thurs June 7th

So, if you were on the fantastic call with Darlene Bogle and Dotti Berry last Thursday, this is old news but if you couldn't make it, check out the recorded call in our archives.

The big news is our next guest on God, Gays & You is Episcopalian Bishop John Shelby Spong. Having such a voice in the reconciliation movement at our conference in Nashville August 3/4, we thought it was perfect timing to have him as our guest for Pride Month. Spong is an ally champion sticking his neck out to religious leaders by ordaining the first openly gay minister in the Episcopalian church, Rev. Gene Robinson. He's the voice for millions of Christians who do reconcile faith and sexuality and look for ways to be empowered in their church to stand up and speak up about what's right, living God's unconditional love, the basic foundation of faith. His exegesis debates bring thousands. He's currently on a book tour for his new book, Jesus for the Non-Religious.

From Spong's website: He is the author of 15 books including the bestselling Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism, Living in Sin, Liberating the Gospels, Why Christianity Must Change or Die, and his latest book The Sins of Scripture. History will recognize him as one of the major change agents in modern Christianity.

Be sure you're on our e-blast list (sign up right now, look at the right column for the subscription box) to get the phone number and access code to be on the call. Think of a question you'd like to ask Bishop Spong and email it to us in advance. Questions will be asked in the order we receive them so the sooner you send in your questions the better.

It's free to join us on the call. Spread the word to your family, friends and colleagues and get on the e-blast list. We'll talk to you on Thursday, June 7th 5pm Pacific/8pm Eastern!

Who (or What) is My God?

Hi guys. There's been a great deal of shifting going on behind the scenes here at God & Gays. We launched registrations for the Conference to be held in Nashville, TN Aug 3/4, our promotional partners at PFLAG, HRC, BeyondExGay.com, UCC Coalition are all ramping up to help spread the word about the conference, we have Pride and UCC Conference showings and appearances coming up in June, we're interviewing PR reps, God & Gays will be showing all around New Zealand this and next month...and there's mass distribution on the horizon that I can't talk about just yet.

All the while, even when things seemed to be stagnant or I can't get someone's attention who would really benefit by partnering with us, or when expenses pile up and the income isn't, I could chalk it up to the life and struggle of the indy filmmaker making passion projects. Before I run to the local pizza place for a job and allow myself to get consumed by worry, stress, lack and fear of the unknown, I've finally gotten to a point where I'm more present in the present and can catch myself heading down the rabbit hole. I snap myself out of it and ask, "Kim, who's your God right now?"

I ask this because if my attention is on the worry, worry has the power of my attention and takes my perspective of reality down that insecure and fear-based route. If I'm paying the bills and focus on the lack of income, that becomes the power, the priority. As a result, I feel like the victim, I get depressed, I get scared. I say, all I want to do right now is get this movie and this conference to the people that need it, the people who will be empowered, who will reconcile themselves and ripple out this courage to overcome and reconnect. All I want to do is work on these projects, make them the best quality, to make a living at doing what I love. At a basic level, no different than what you might tell yourself too.

Then I realized that kind of talk was victim-status. It was the spiritually immature side to me that needs acknowledgment and then healing. By replacing that self-talk with 'who is my God right now', I'm able to snap out of the victim spiral, reconnect with who my real God is and step into that co-creative power.

I don't tell my small God about my big problems, I tell my big God about my small problems. I learned that saying from Rev. Deborah Johnson, she's full of impact-filled statements like these. In her first book, The Sacred Yes, she talks about God's inexhaustible supply and miracles happen where we put our intentions in touch with that supply.

My answer is critical. Who or what will I allow to triumph in my life, moment by moment? Worry? That gives me gray hairs. I don't want gray hairs just yet. Stress? That increases chances of cancer and heart conditions, not to mention digestive issues and weight loss (not in the good way). Lack? That's no fun...and we live in an abundant universe and the Source is inexhaustible. Fear of the unknown? Where's the fun in discovering miracles, divine timing and how cool "coincidences" are on a daily basis?

My answer is God. I wear a necklace that Luane gave me that is a symbol of God as Creator (Om). I touch it when I need a reminder that the Creator is running the show. If I get caught up in making worry, stress, lack, fear God in my life, I'm putting limits to the Good that can come, I'm making myself unavailable for possibility when there's more going on than what I see.

How can I be useful to God if I'm running in mental circles freaking over lack? What good am I to you if I'm stressed all the time? I can't show up for you, I can't show up for God. Isn't that the opposite of what I said I wanted to do?

So, I've finally reached a peace in myself and a self-awareness to do motivation checks and make sure when I'm paying bills, I thank God for the dollars to support the services I enjoy, when I see the bank account dwindling, I surrender and make myself available to hear inspired ideas on what the next action step is and that it'll all be for good, it'll all work out and continue to work out.

I just keep going. Now I keep going in faith and I look for the miracles in my life and my work as reminders of God saying to me, "yep, still here, what's up!" I'd forgotten that this faith is what got the documentary made in the first place. It's truly a miracle the film was made. Now I see how perfect the timing of its release is. There's been no better time in history for this kind of story.

So, you in? Who's your God right now? How's it workin' for ya? If you need different results for something, do something different. Then, you've already broken the pattern, even if it's just one step of the dance, you've created a new result. Good for you. Good for me. Now you're available too.

Bill Passes House...Thank you!!

Wanted to let you all know as a follow up to today's blog that the House bill on Hate Crimes did pass and in a big way. Thank you for your prayers, efforts and all you do on a daily basis to help people feel loved, safe and appreciated. For more on the story: Human Rights Campaign.

Hate Crimes Bill in DC Today

In recent weeks, there's been a huge outpouring of attendance, intention, love and debate around the hate crimes bill going through the House today. HRC is involved and so many religious leaders, progressive pastors and congregants have come from all over the country to show their support for its passing. Take a look at it for yourself, see what you think. Encourage your state representatives to do the right thing and make their decisions love-based.

Here's another chance to take a minute and even if it has nothing to do with the deadline your facing at work, getting the laundry done or paying bills, recognize that this legislation directly affects millions of people across the country and it matters that you are involved.

There's only one of us here. Separation is an illusion.

Take a gander at the write up done by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and make your own love-based decision:

This Thursday, the full House of Representatives is scheduled to vote on the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act, which would add victims of hate crimes who are targeted because of their sexual orientation or gender identity to existing hate crimes statutes. The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, Inc., has been working since the 1980s to pass similar legislation, and 2007 presents our best hope yet for passing this bill.

Yet extremists on the right are doing everything they can to prevent us from receiving the same protections provided to people who are targeted due to their race or religion. And they’re reaching new lows in their attacks. We don’t usually link to sites like the Traditional Values Coalition or the American Family Association, but this time, we felt you should see for yourself what they’re saying.

Make sure Congress understands that it needs to pass the hate crimes bill — this year. We have been waiting far too long. Contact your U.S. representatives and senators today by calling the Capitol Switchboard at 202.224.3121. And make sure to visit our Hate Crimes Protections 2007 Action Center.

God, Gays & You with Darlene Bogle & Dotti Berry

With so much going on with the announcement of the Unity is Our Identity Conference, please make sure you've marked your calendars to join us for our next guests in our live teleconference series, God, Gays and You, Darlene Bogle and Dotti Berry.

Darlene Bogle who was an exodus leader for 15 years and did the ex gay thing and managed to not only survive it but become so clear on how "God don't make no junk", she's now out, in a new relationship and authored a new book, A Christian Lesbian Journey to share her amazing story with us all. Make sure you read the Forward when you get the book. :)

We also have the pleasure of talking with Dotti Berry and her partner Robynne Sapp. They were recently arrested at Focus on the Family and there was quite the wild media circus around what actually happened. So, they will tell you what really happened, why they did what they did and we'll make the connection of what Dotti and Darlene have in common.

We'll tell you about a fantastic conference coming up in Irvine, Beyond Ex Gay which Luane and I will be attending and showing the movie. Plus, being on the call, you'll learn first who is scheduled for June's guest. You won't believe it. I'm already nervous just thinking about it.

If you are currently or have been in ex gay ministries or have questions about what they are, etc. email us your questions before the call and we'll find a way to get them asked for you.

Luane and I will be on the call as well and we sincerely look forward to being with you!

Call in information:
Be sure to call in a few minutes early to get in, there's a limited number of phone lines available!
Thursday, May 3rd 5p Pacific/8p Eastern (one hour)
1-641-297-5800 (Iowa)
Participant Access Code: 29862

Unity is Our Identity

Okay, it is with great pleasure (and pressure off of me to stop leaking information) that I announce we have opened registration for our God & Gays Conference coming up August 3rd and 4th in Nashville, TN!!! YEE HAWWW!!!!

Unity is Our Identity is the aptly titled theme and is from an affirmation written by Rev. Deborah Johnson. This is such a huge event, I get jolts of Red Bull without even drinking it just thinking of the line up. Check it out:

Friday night we'll kick it all off with showing God and Gays: Bridging the Gap, followed by the most amazing Q&A discussion yet featuring many of the people from the movie!

Then Saturday, here's who you'll spend the day with (you'll be blown away):

- Bishop John Shelby Spong
- Rev. Dr. Mel White
- Rev. Deborah Johnson
- Peggy Campolo
- Darlene Bogle
- Mary Lou Wallner
- Malcolm Himschoot (from Call Me Malcolm)

Music throughout the day from Nashville's own Bethany Gaddis and Vermont's Lindsay Carfagna.

Plus! You'll have your choice of break out group opportunities to meet others just like you from all over the country:

- "Conflict Management for the Church and Organization" Clergy and lay leadership workshop with Rev. Dr. Mel White
- "Healing the Sense of Separation" GLBTQ adult workshop with Rev. Deborah L. Johnson
- "Straight and Not Narrow" Ally training and workshop with Peggy Campolo & Rev. Phil Lawson
- "My Family Member is Gay, Now What?" Parents, friends and family members support and education with Mary Lou Wallner and PFLAG
- "Surviving Ex-Gay Ministries" Current and past ex-gays who seek support and alternatives with Darlene Bogle and BeyondExGay.com
- "Gay, Out and Burned by the Church: An Apology" Support and outlet for GLBTQ persons who carry wounds from past harm and pain from religion, lead by Laura Engleken
- "Youth in Alliance" College and high school ages, come and discuss how to be allies in your school, what language to use and GLBTQ youth support
- "Transgender in Action" support and focus on transgender persons seeking unification within themselves and with the Divine lead by Rev. Malcolm Himschoot from the documentary, Call Me Malcolm

And for the Big Finish: Comedy and Concert with Jami Lula, Jason Stuart, Valerie Joi Fiddmont and Jason & deMarco!

For hotel suggestions, visit our conference page: www.godandgaysthemovie.com/conference

Riding Alligator Alley in More Ways Than One

I just took a business with pleasure trip to Florida to meet with churches, talk about the documentary and the conference (that opens up tomorrow!) plus I have family there and had never been to Florida in person....I've been there only through web cam which was helpful to not have to deal with humidity like I did in person.

The trip was quite a learning experience. I attended a baptist megachurch and heard a message of how we must claim Christianity in the other 50% of the world that hasn't gotten into wars over it yet. Well, that was the connection I made when hearing war statistics and lands not yet converted. The music was really great though, loved the music. I can see myself going for the contemporary music and then leaving before the message if I lived there.

This was the same church I was told from several local sources that had proactively sent out letters to all the other churches in the region urging them to promote the signing of the anti-gay marriage petition in their churches and areas of reach. The church doesn't have a great reputation when it comes to demonstrating God's unconditional love...and not to mention the whole separation of church and state thing.

Nevertheless, I met great people and know straight allies within the church and throughout the conservative region. They are there and they do care. I met with open and affirming churches including a Lutheran church who is very committed to demonstrating God's unconditional love. I was really impressed by them and how they handle criticism. They know what they are standing for is urgent, right and necessary and their strength is contagious.

I was on my way to my first meeting and found a way to get on a road the locals call alligator alley which doesn't have a turnaround exit for over 20 miles. Great. I hate being late to meetings and here I was heading to Miami amongst alligators. But, I felt more comfortable and welcomed in that scary, unknown place with wild animals than in the baptist church. At least I know where I really stand with the alligators.

Laura talks about the spectrum in our movie. The spectrum where it's Fred Phelps on one end and the other is where the atmosphere is, "come, be here...and you're flawed and need to be fixed....and you can't lead any groups or have any responsibility". I just don't get the inconsistencies between persons who call themselves Christian. I call myself a Christian and I don't get why others deem it necessary to judge me because I love. It's really not that hard to not judge others, once you get out of the habit. Well, I'm writing articles about that so I'll save that tangent for later.

For now, my favorite part of the trip was hangin' with my rock star sister, who's the love of my life (next to Luane of course). I'm so proud of her. She's one of the Christian allies that just by her being her and only speaking from love, is changing the church from within. She's a beautiful person, a wonderful mother, a great running mate, a gifted writer, a stellar photographer and I'm lucky to call myself her sister. For those of you coming to the Conference, you'll get to meet her as she and my mom both are flying in to give of their time and service in making the event smooth and safe for all of us.

My sister says she has a friend that gets really fired up over the idea of allowing gay people to be married (well, we are married anyway, it's not like it's not already happening folks...gay folks have partnered for um, decades and centuries) and couldn't get a reaction out of my sister. My sister said she wouldn't argue about it as it's not an issue to her, it's a relationship. I'm a relationship to my sister, not an issue, not something to be argued and fought over, not something to be protested, stripped of rights and degraded. I'm a relationship to her and that's all that matters.

I kept in mind no matter where I went and heard or saw things that weren't so supportive of equality in Florida, I just remembered that there's people like my sister and mom there. There's more support and acceptance than is propagated. I just keep holding the vision. Holding the vision. I invite you to also, hold the vision.

The Golden Corral of Tulsa, Oklahoma

We just returned from two screenings in Tulsa and although we didn't get threatened by tornado or eat fried okra, we did get to meet some amazing Okies doing amazing reconciliation work AND we buffetted at the local Golden Corral.

My family has roots in Tulsa. Portions of my family survived the Trail of Tears where the Native Americans were moved from the Carolinas and Georgia to Oklahoma and put into reservations. Most died of disease, exhaustion, etc., some made it the whole trip, some of those were the Postoaks. My great grandmother, Gracie Lynn Postoak was on the roll and was given 160 acres from the government as a "sorry" offering. She and her siblings built their houses and did all they could to survive on farming milk and corn. Then, oil was found on the family land. It was arranged that my family would see a small percentage of those profits until the well dried up. My family built their house in 1918 and we have family still living in that house. We have most of the land still and it's been quite crowded in by others building houses and commercial buildings. I just learned this weekend that the community has a legend of our family house being haunted, which I think is really cool. I get to stay in that house whenever we visit and I do feel a spirit there, most likely it's great-grandma Gracie.

I feel a connection with her. She was tough, a survivor, got divorced when it was unheardof, protected her kids as best she could, she was smart and learned skills along the way. She provided enough to get through the Depression as a single Native American mother of four. She would face off with the government when they were messing around with her oil wells, when women and especially minority women, had little to no clout or rights.

I come from a long line of strong women, I feel very fortunate to have amazing role models of entrepreneurial spirit and kick. Such is the Tulsa way where there's a great surge of churches, church leaders, Oklahomans for Equality and PFLAG coming together and coming to terms with being a part of the reconciliation movement at a local and regional level. Nestled in the Bible belt where Baptist churches hit 9000 members, they came to Circle Cinemas on Sunday afternoon for our screenings, talked with us after the Q&A and shared exciting stories of the tremendous progress happening there. There's a lot of love in Tulsa and many who aren't afraid to show it and share it.

Tulsa's community is lucky to have Circle Cinemas too...a local boy owns it who states on his business card that Circle Cinema is "Community Consciousness Through Film". He brings in diversity, global cultures and perspectives that some in Tulsa wouldn't otherwise be exposed to. He really believes in the power of film to educate and empower and wants to offer his community ways to understand the planet as a whole, so they can live out the oneness locally.

The day wouldn't have been complete without sweet tea at the Golden Corral. My great uncle and second cousin's family took us there for dinner. Apparently it was dinner time and lots of Sunday evening services had just let out. The chaos, the amount of kids, stacked dishes, food on the tables and floor was simply amazing. Buffet restaurants are the kiss of death anyway since we're encouraged to eat everything in sight and none of it is good for us. But as we sat in the back corner protecting ourselves from flying dinner rolls and belts reaching across the table slapping toddlers eating yet another cookie, I remember the phrase, "how we do anything, is how we do everything".

Where do I gorge? In what areas do I overdo it, and even if I did it a little bit, it's still not good for me? When do I lash out, throw things, leave a room trashed and not care? It doesn't have to be physical, more than likely for me it's something more emotional and verbal. So, that's what Tulsa taught me. Going from a loving, accepting, inspiring environment like Circle Cinema and moving to the Golden Corral on Sunday evening...can I be the same - grounded, loving, accepting, etc. - regardless of my circumstances and environment. I do believe I passed the test when I helped a little girl get a square of cake while she dumped two ice cream cones to the floor. It was that moment right before the explosion...her face starting to scrunch up and let it all out..and then I said, "it's all good, we'll get this cleaned up, you'll get another shot at the ice cream and we'll be back on track." She took the offer immediately and ran off with a smile. Getting another chance, reacting in gratitude, she took the opportunity and the restaurant had one less meltdown that night. That's good for all of us.

A Straight Ally's Testimony During Day of Silence

Yesterday was Day of Silence. We got this story sent to us from a teenage woman in Illinois who is a straight ally, part of her school's GSA and wants to become a Christian pastor in the future. She participated in Day of Silence and had this real experience to share (there are swear words in it, we're keeping it real as this is how teenager's are talking, like it or not, effective or not):

"My friend and I were passing notes and she wrote "the girl behind you is being a bitch and trying to write on your shirt, she is also messing with your hair". I didn't move -- I hate confrontation. really. hate it. Then she started mumbling, and the things I heard were "gay mother-fucker" "bitch" "nasty" "She can't do nothin') and many other obsene and hurtful
comments. All of this while I was part of the day of silence. So I sat there and took it. It got so bad that I finally turned around and looked at her (still couldn't really say anything) which she followed with "turn around bitch you can't do shit to me. this bitch can't do nothin" I turned
around and my friends around me asked if I wanted them to say something. Even people I didn't know were asking if I was ok. This went on for the entire hour. The substitute not hearing anything over the sound of the movie. As we were leaving she kept talking about me. right next to me as if I was not there. I broke my silence right there when I said "are you serious??" she said "no bitch I'm kidding"....anyways our GSA sponsor went with me and I reported her... and I might have to file a sexual harassment claim. aaaaah. the whole day was very reflective until that hour. Please wish me luck tomorrow. Her parents were called and
her dean called her into the office. She knows it is me, and I get to sit in the same class with her tomorrow. Good things come from bad. Some students I didn't know were asking if I was ok. They knew it was wrong, and I guess that is a first step for a lot of people. Realizing that discrimination is not ok."

She has the courage and strength to stand for her peers in equality and someone else feeling threatened by it acted out like crabs boiling in water...when one tries to climb out, the others pull him down and as a result they ALL die (I'm vegetarian so the analogy grosses me out, but you get the point). In a culture where we often say, "Who do you think you are? Who are you?" instead of "Why not you. Why not me?" and allow each other to fly, this ally got first-hand experience of externalized fear and lack of understanding. We've been in contact with her and "coached" her some other tools to help open communication with the other woman rather than drive division and prepare her for other such instances. The altercation is a learning and growing opportunity and it's up to each of us what perception we have when we are in those situations...are we going to use it as a growing moment as it is presented to us or will we cower and recline to ineffective patterns keeping us stuck? I'll pose the same question as yesterday...are you in?

What Does Don Imus Have to Do With Me?

Prior to doing the movie thing, I worked as a promotions and marketing director as well as on-air talent for radio stations starting in college. Eight years later, I left, just after the 1996 Telecommunications Act kicked in and media owners started the feeding frenzy. In the three years I was at my last station, we had 5 owners and often were orphans stuck in "LMAs" which is an ownership limbo.

While at the last station, our sister station had Don Imus in the Morning for a while. The calls my sister station colleagues would get about the program weren't not the "funnest" ways to start the day. Our sister station didn't keep his show on very long, even though it was a huge revenue stream and cheaper than a live morning show duo...the station actually saw through the money and went to a live morning show, and has thrived since.

But that's not really the Don Imus tie I wanted to bring up. The tie is something we eluded to in our monthly e-newsletter we blasted out today. The fact that America has two hugely avoided and uncomfortable topics in American conversation brought up in discouraging and desperate ways in just eight days is just cause for reflection and action. First, Don Imus makes yet another prejudiced and racist comment about african-american women. This brings up how normalized this speech seems as it is a core topic in rap videos and music and several other venues. Then with Virginia Tech and the student shooter, gun violence enacted by an alleged depressed, lonely, separated kid. Racism and gun violence. Perhaps at the surface, they look like separate isolated issues....and I beg to differ.

They are one in the same. Both are violent. Both are coming from a place of negative intention. Both are to harm and control. Both came from souls that didn't have tools to handle their fear differently and more beneficially. Both felt they had the right and were justified. We have to take responsibility for allowing our culture to raise such consciousness and such results. This behavior isn't outside of us, it's not separate from us. It takes a village and we as individuals make up that village, make up this culture and we have to take responsibility for our role in allowing the denigration of genders, races, cultures, orientations and religions through the vernacular, the everyday language. We have to take responsibility for the lone student allowed to be distanced from society, keeping the kid's imagination and life wrapped up in a head that can and will play tricks. No connection to the outside world, no connection to people equals no reason to live. Like wounded animals in the wild, he lashed out and had others feel the pain he was feeling internally. At least that way, he was no longer alone. He died with the others.

Here I am in the media and am I questioning Imus' free speech right? Ah, no. Free speech is an opinion, it is an expression of differing viewpoints and ideas. Free speech is not to slander, raise superiority, verbally assault, abuse and oppress. Free speech has a beneficial intention for society, it helps it question, learn and grow...not tear down, fight for lowest common denominator and break people's spirits.

The other tie is that these example incidents we are living with right now as a nation is no different than the equality GLBT persons seek in society. If it's one place in society, it's going to show up in another. All of this fear, all of this protection is carried down from generations. Just like domestic abuse or molestation, we have to break the cycle and let the harm end with us. Let us not carry on the fear, carry on the ignorance, carry on beating others down with our words, judgments and certainly our weapons...guns or tongues.

The time is ripe to be the change we seek. The time is ripe to improve our own worlds which will ripple to improving other's worlds and before we know it, we've improved our society and the rest of the world. I'll end the way we ended our e-newsletter blurb, lyrics from a popular song, "what kind of world do you want?" It's really up to you. How do you talk about others? What's your intent in your comments? What's your body language saying to your kids, colleagues and friends. What are you saying to yourself? How do you treat yourself? It really does start with you. And me. I'm in. You in?

Fresno Faces...A Reconciling Weekend

Last weekend, myself, Luane, Laura Engleken, her partner Rachael and Darlene Bogle all trucked over to Fresno to hang with Wesley UMC. We were welcomed by a large group where we ate quesadillas and talked about LGBT life in Fresno. Then, after fun at the hotel with about two thousands kids from Future Farmers of America and their decorated minivans declaring they are number one, we headed over to the screening at the church.

Enticed by Marie Callendar's pies and free admission, the room packed up. We went around introducing ourselves, thanking people for coming and the movie started. Afterwards, we had another long Q&A with a wide array of questions for all of us, getting the chance to really get the discussion going. We met local GSA folks, PFLAG folks, members of the Reconciling committee, regional directors for Reconciling Ministries, it was fantastic.

Sunday morning started with wrestling over the toaster oven for my waffles with another 2000 Future Farmers folks before heading off to church services. Laura, the seminary student in our film, preached both services and we had a classroom discussion inbetween. Laura did an amazing job and reached people who came just to hear her talk. One gay man said he hadn't been to church for 23 years and shook her hand in gratitude for her healing words.

Most conversation was brought up by straight allies who wanted to know what to do when they are judged for standing up for LGBT people, when they are told they are sinners, when they are dealing with folks who insist there's separation and superiority (versus equality).

It was a great reminder of all the ways the movie can be and is used. It's a teaching tool, communication tool, dialogue starter, empowerment tool, compassion resource and shows that we can handle taboo and emotionally-charged topics and be mature about it. We saw tears, we saw reflection, we saw smiles, we saw laughter, we saw relief this weekend. We'll always remember the faces of Fresno and as one of the lyrics in the Sunday service songs says, "I will hold your people in my heart." This is why God & Gays is more than a movie. It's real life.

This weekend, we'll be in Tulsa, Oklahoma showing the movie twice at Circle Cinemas, 2pm and 5pm with a Q&A with Luane and I inbetween at 3.30pm. It's the first time it'll be shown in Oklahoma and we hope you'll spread the word to anyone you know who would benefit from coming and seeing the movie and being part of the discussion. The screening is co-presented by Oklahomans for Equality and we're so grateful for the partnership of local open and affirming churches.

We live in a much more accepting society than the media and others may have you believe. Don't believe the negative hype....there's a ton of support and more is growing every day.

Day of Silence, A Day to Speak Out

Wednesday, April 18th is National Day of Silence, supported by GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network). Here's what the event is about:

Hundreds of thousands of secondary and college students are expected to participate in GLSEN’s Day of Silence on April 18 to bring attention to anti-lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender bullying, harassment, name-calling and discrimination in schools.

A project of GLSEN, or the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, in collaboration with the United States Student Association, the 11th annual National Day of Silence will be one of the largest student-run days of action in the country. Students at more than 3,000 schools already have registered at www.dayofsilence.org to participate, many of whom will take a vow of silence, wear stickers and/or pass out cards explaining why they are not speaking.

"Seeing so many students – gay and straight – bring attention to the pervasive problem of anti-LGBT bullying and harassment is an inspiration to all of us who believe that every student has a right to feel safe in school," said GLSEN Founder and Executive Director Kevin Jennings. "In choosing not to speak, students will say so much about the will of our youth to bring about positive change in schools."

Bullying and harassment based on actual or perceived sexual orientation and how masculine or feminine a student is are two of the top three reasons students said their peers are harassed in school, behind physical appearance, according to a 2005 Harris Interactive study, From Teasing to Torment: School Climate in America.

Additionally, nearly two-thirds of LGBT students (64%) reported feeling unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation in GLSEN’s 2005 National School Climate Survey.

The Day of Silence was created by University of Virginia students in 1996 and went national in 1997. GLSEN became the sponsor in 2001.

There are a number of bills in a variety of states including sexual orientation as protectable against bullying, discrimination and being fired from a job, as well as having safe schools. Take a listen to the silence on Wed. There's no reason why it couldn't be extended to people's work places, to younger students and other venues to help spread education. There's a recently written blog by David Shelton that gives more perspectives on the event, see Silencing the Silent from April 8th. Check it out, see what you think.

Regardless on if you think this is a great way to make a statement, look beyond just the expression and see the intention. The intention and the message is something we must live out on a daily basis, no matter our age or where we are. Love is a universal principle. See what each of us can do little by little....

I Smile, You Smile, We All Smile for Smiling's Sake!

Okay, I was forwarded this story and even though you may be rolling your eyes and wanting to click to something else, give this a try. No one's died of laughter, joy or too much love and I hope that this story adds to at least one of those categories for you today. We also recommend honestly answering the question at the end either in journal, blog, internal or external form. Oprah had a show about happiness yesterday and how it's all about perception....more on that idea later, for now, enjoy the story:

The House of 1000 Mirrors

Long ago in a small, far away village, there was a place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the house, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often."

In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again."

All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet?

Japanese Folktale

PFLAG and a Catholic Family on Oprah

Yesterday was national siblings day, apparently. I learned this from seeing Oprah's show yesterday. On it, she rolled video with an old film look showing photos from the '60s and '70s of a Catholic family of 8 from a small town who had tablefuls of cupcakes, two parents who loved each other and as Oprah said, June Cleaver must have lived in that house. An excellent approach to drop the bomb that 4 of the 8 siblings had come out in adulthood as gay. One of them is now the Executive Director of PFLAG, Jody Huckaby.

They talked about how the first brother came out in a letter while attending seminary to go into the priesthood. He was telling his family he was gay and that he was leaving seminary. The family did not take it well at all, especially the parents. For holidays, it was the elephant in the room that nobody talked about. Then, one by one, three more brothers came out. Two of the straight siblings were on the show to tell their story of how at first they rejected the gay brothers. One sister kept her kids from her brothers...the fear of the "gay influence" or the misinformation that being gay is somehow contagious like a cold. Side Story: This reminds me of someone I know who has been married to a man for over a decade and 98% of that marriage she's had a female love on the side. She mentioned once that with all her time with straight people, raised by straight family members, it definitely wasn't making her straight.

Anyway, so that was the sister's freak out. She eventually began praying (aka surrendering by releasing the outcome) and realized she needed to "stop judging and start loving". The audience applauded her. During her confession, she admitted it was her issue...she was worried about what others would think as she was a big player in her Church.

An older brother believed that they were choosing the lifestyle...and finally after brother #4 came out, he finally released that lie and recognized it is who they are. Now, they sit on the couch next to Oprah together on an episode called "Super Siblings".

We were thrilled to see Jody up there and having the story of religion and homosexuality told in a human being form. We partner with PFLAG and are thrilled they got a plug on the show and showed their recognition of the close tie of homophobia and religion.

Referring to the Cameron posting last week, the sister and older brother believed these lies and misinformation that others told them rather than believing their brothers at first. It set the family back. The sister even said she wouldn't accept in her brother what she couldn't accept in her own children. OUCH!!

Each brother didn't know for years that the others were gay. They never talked about it even though they each knew from an early age. They faked their way through dating in high school and prom night. Then one day they had to be honest and even though it didn't go easily at first, the family is together and it's a perfect story to come from when you're the head of PFLAG. Those are the roots of understanding what other families go through.

Inch by inch, the demystifying continues in mainstream media. GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) is even starting a Communities of Faith and Religion focus. More organizations and churches are finally getting the guts to acknowledge the elephant and get involved. This relates to one of the questions Rev. Deborah talked about in her interview with us last week on how all religions need an image makeover and regrouping of what the universal spiritual principles are. Catholicism traditionally focuses on the family and the Huckaby's found their way to the underlying spiritual intention: love. As a result, thousands and thousands of families have been touched by PFLAG and Jody's work. Who says what can one person do?

Turn Up the Light, Turn Up the Love

Luane and I are finding ourselves needing to renew and prep before every screening and appearance. We don't know what we're walking into...a room of friends or foes. The cool thing is the majority of people who do sit through the movie and get what the ideas and stories are about, tend to become friends even if their agenda in coming was to be the foe. We've had really wonderful audiences and not just because most agree with the message of the movie, but people do relate to the movie in one way or another.

We recently received a letter from a woman who came to a screening:

"I enjoyed seeing the film for the first time and really learned a lot. Listening to some of the people interviewed made me realize again how important it is to support my
transgender child (19 yr old female-to-male) and try to educate others about GLBT [people] and how they struggle unnecessarily to gain rights that we all should have."

This is an excellent example of renewal, of constant renewal. She had a choice to renew her beliefs, expectations and whatever else challenging her when she learned of her child's situation. She's lucky the child told her, most parents aren't seemed as safe enough to be honest with and therefore friction and distance in more than one area of the relationship is instantly introduced.

This woman chose wisely in renewing her mind. Paul talks about it in Romans 12:2:
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (NIV)

What's the patter of this world? Fear. What's God's Will? Love. Fear is the absence of love, therefore love is all there is. We're meant to be on a journey and we only get anywhere by renewing our mind and using the standard, "is this of love? or is this of fear?" moment by moment, choice by choice, thought by thought.

Our movie, the stories told in the movie, our upcoming conference (online registration begins Tues. May 1st!!), our monthly free teleconference interviews...all of it comes from love.

Fear is like darkness, it doesn't really exist, it's just an end to the continuum of love. So, for example, darkness is not in itself made, it's just the low volume of light. Ride the continuum of light like a dimmer switch, and the light erases the dark.

Fear in itself does not exist. It's an illusion just as darkness is. Fear is just the low volume of love. Turn up the volume of love on anything you think you fear and the fear is erased.

Check out our movie and get on our eblast list, see the metanarrative message of turning up the light and turning up the love in all areas of your life. Thank God for constant renewal. Whew.

Easter is About Constant Renewal

Luane and I had the great fortune to attend Easter service at Rev. Deborah Johnson's church. Rev. D. is featured in our movie and was our special guest last Thursday for this month's God, Gays & You Live Interview Series. If you couldn't make the call, we have a streamed recording of it at www.godandgaysthemovie.com/archive. Next month our guests are ex-Exodus leader and author Darlene Bogle and social justice activist Dottie Berry.

Rev. D., who heads an omnifaith church, came from all kinds of angles when describing the history of Easter: why it jumps around in the calendar year, the roots of the name Easter (fertility: use of the bunny and egg as symbols), how the Catholic church created the holiday...it was fascinating. She broke out a concordance and talked about how Jesus wasn't a Christian, the roots of Easter based in the Hebrew word Shalom. She also mentioned Shalom is the root word to the Arabic term Muslim. Her messages are recorded on CD every week, you can order a copy of the message from Inner Light Ministries, they have a mail out program so it doesn't matter where you live. We encourage you to check out her Easter message. You'll hear Valerie Joi Fiddmont who is her partner and in our movie, sing and lead her choir as the musical inspiration.

Rev. D. is all about peace. Peace between us, between countries, and within ourselves. She looks at all the different approaches to God, expressions of worship and doesn't get caught up in the differences and judge which is "better" or "more right" than others. She looks at the intentions behind them. What is the universal spiritual principle behind Easter? Constant Renewal.

Last week I wrote about how quick we are to get ticked off in traffic if someone cuts us off, going from good to bad, and yet we consider ourselves incapable of changing something bad to good for ourselves quickly. We have trouble working out, eating well, getting sleep, alleviating stress healthily, erasing smoking and other coping mechanisms from our routine...and then we just deal with the egregious consequences when they do eminently show up.

What I got from Rev. D.'s message was this idea of constant renewal. That it's never too late. Jesus was killed. He resurrected. Many Christians stop at Good Friday and forget there was a Sunday. He was renewed. Our cells in our body renew all the time, we don't have the same body we had a month ago. Our thoughts are renewed by our choosing. They don't happen TO us, we choose them and can renew our mind anytime, at any point and the only time that exists is NOW. It's always now.

I look at my surroundings, my little pouch on my stomach that I can't seem to get rid of, the leaves that stubbornly won't rake themselves on our deck and I now recognize them as past decisions, past choices. And I can renew my thoughts NOW and change the circumstance now.

Well, there's a part 2 to this stream of consciousness that I'll continue later. For now, and I mean now, ride the wave of constant renewal. Feel it. Think about it. We're constantly coming to forks in the road, so renew in the moment and see how just changing a variable here and there will already send you off to a different and more beneficial result.

"This Cubicle Supports Gay Marriage"

At our appearance last night, some friends came who I've known since my pre-movie days when I worked on-air and in promotions for radio stations around the Bay Area. These guys knew me before, during and after my struggle and have stuck by me. We've stayed in touch, sharing news of other friends who have moved around the country, and I got an update of one DJ that spun my head.

I shared an office with a woman named Phyllis West, that was her on-air name actually when I was the Promotions Director for a rock station. She was the Promotions Director for our sister station, a classic rock format. This was a time in my life that I thought I had everything in control. I had the handsome boyfriend, the degree, the church, the Bible study groups, the job...and was a rather quiet person. Little did I know that I was quite shut down from my emotions.

When Phyllis was hired and I had to split my big office in half to make room for her, I was in for the ride of my life. Phyllis was Jewish, a big partier, crass, loud, opinionated, had sexual encounters I couldn't believe...and I loved her like a big sister. She adopted me quickly as she saw this quiet, mousey Christian girl getting run over by male rock radio types.

We stayed close after I left radio and she changed stations. She broke the rules to run an interview with Luane when Intentions premiered, she broke the rules when she believed the rules were stupid. She was such a strong, full of life personality, I can't believe she's gone.

My friends told me last night she passed away from a rare form of muscular cancer in Connecticut (she had been DJing in Tennessee most recently).

Phyllis was only 44. She owned ferrets. She was bluntly honest about everything. She had strong principles and ALWAYS stood up for what was right. She new people in the S&M community and told me all about it: the culture, the safe words, the rules. Who is unabashedly honest like that? She smoked, she had beautiful eyes, she kept the same hair cut for ever, she once did a body wrap to impress a guy and lose a pound before she saw him and gave me all the gory details of being mummified with ziploc bags on her feet and hands to catch the released toxins liquifying out of her body. She said she looked like a giant ace bandage with glasses.

Phyllis West loved me without judgment. She showed me when I was going through my struggle that straight folks can be trusted and they can and will stand up for gay folks. They will do the right thing. Fortunately, I told her often how much I appreciated her in my life and how much richer it was because of her. She told me often how much I meant to her in teaching her that not all Christians are weird. We loved each other because of our differences, she showed me it is all a matter of maturity and reciprocated appreciation.

Oh, how I miss her. I was planning to see her in May when we will be in Tennessee for a visit. I was in Illinois when her funeral arrangements were being made in Chicago, I didn't even know it. Recently, I've had a number of friends lose someone close to them but I haven't lost anyone close to me in several years, I never would have thought it'd be Phyllis I'd be mourning next.

Thank God we told each other every time we talked how much we appreciated each other. Thank God. The loss still hurts, but I tell ya, every time I meet a new challenge, I'll think of her. She never backed down. She was never afraid and good for her...because of that, she lived fully in her very short life. Go big or go home. Live out loud. Always do the right thing. Thanks Phyllis.

Here's an excerpt of her last email to me. May we all have these people in our lives:

Love you both and wish you all the goodness in the WORLD!

I have your invite on the outside of my cube along with a big sign that says 'THIS CUBICLE SUPPORTS GAY MARRIAGE." I will tell you that I get many, many eyebrow raises as people in this conservative forsaken state pass by. I can't believe I live here.

Love you honey...always your friend.

Phyll

Early Mornin', April 4, A Shot Rings Out...

On this day, 39 years ago, Martin Luther King was shot and killed. We're doing an appearance and screening tonight in the same area where we premiered to celebrate one year of God & Gays, and it'll be a great homecoming. We're holding it at a high school theatre in a town that has had more than its share of controversy around the high school starting a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance). The community from nearby areas including the regional PFLAG chapter stepped up big and marched and paraded in pride and solidarity.

This particular area is demographically biased to Catholic, Caucasian, nuclear family. There's a lot of money, excellent educational (only a few minutes from Stanford) opportunities and the streets are quaint and clean. It's quite an ideal area. It's beautiful.

Which usually makes me more nervous. What's hidden behind the painted doors? What's NOT being addressed? What's in denial, being ignored, repressed and oppressed? Sometimes I'm more comfortable and safe in areas that have their hearts and opinions on their sleeves, at least I know who I'm with and where I'm at and where the nearest exit is located.

We know that equality for gay folks in being open in the schools is a place of contention. It's a wound that local heroins like Ruth Gibbs seek to heal. She and many others know that a wound doesn't heal by being ignored. It needs attention and nurturing so it can heal itself.

We hope that having our anniversary screening in their town brings more of that healing, the same healing MLK sought decades ago. We are still dealing with the same hurt and pain he devoted his life into healing. We're still here so many years later making another mistake with another segment of society.

I do have a dream. One where gay and straight students can live in harmony in their schools, that homophobia and folks calling others sinners is as intolerable as the KKK has become. They were once socially acceptable and paraded down streets openly. It was individuals expanding their hearts both in and out of the KKK that changed their ideals' social acceptance. As a bunch of individuals, we make up the society and therefore make up the rules. As quick as it is to get ticked at someone who cuts you off in traffic is as quickly we can change our minds about fear and misunderstanding. Just choose love and live it through in action. Especially on a day like today. Help break the cycle and let this be the last generation to deal with discrimination.

This is the crap we have to deal with daily...

Hi everyone. I was forwarded this excerpt from Christiangays.com talking about no matter how defrocked Paul Cameron is, he's still spilling out the most absurd "research" and passing it off as truth. We've mentioned him before and for more of his background, read Rev. Dr. Mel White's new book, Religion Gone Bad.

Some people wonder why we come out to people, why we mention our sexuality at all. If we didn't, who knows how many people would be running around actually believing outright lies like those that come from Focus on the Family, Exodus International and Cameron. Since we've been deep into research for doing the movie and basically living in this country, finding out that more info is released of greater and greater absurdity just makes me laugh now. It's become such a joke. I'd be laughing longer and harder if this kind of info wasn't believed and therefore used against other people.

This kind of stuff makes us question what is real, what is truth and who can we trust? Here's the filter we use: God is love. If any info, belief, behavior, etc. is intentioned with love, then okay. If in anyway it's coming from fear which is the absence of love, then it's gone, it has no value or purpose. Poof.

I only have so much energy in a day, it's like a bank account and where I spend it shows what I care about and what will feed me and others. I support what supports me. Cameron's findings don't support me or anyone but those who choose to live in perpetual fear. So, why do I post this? Because it took me a while to get to this place of understanding and I know I would have liked knowing what was being said out there about me and my "peeps". While reading these findings, think of the info in context of being in a parody skit, or in the Onion or the Daily Show. Then you'll see just how ridiculous it is. You'll see it for what it is and not let the fear set in.

The one thing that is accurate is that some gays would live a lot longer, but not for his stated reasons. There'd be a higher percentage of gay people in society if there wasn't hate crime, gay bashing and suicide as common practices. Think about it. The genocide has been occurring for decades and decades.

"EARLY GAY DEATH SYNDROME" - MORE FRAUDULENT "RESEARCH"

Excerpt:

Unfortunately, the fraudulent use of counterfeit science is not illegal in the United States. If it were, Dr. Paul Cameron, the head of the Family Research Council would have been imprisoned many years ago. And despite the fact that he was officially expelled from the American Psychological Association in 1983 and officially condemned by both the American Sociological Association and the Canadian Psychological Association, Dr. Cameron is still allowed by law to present himself as a credentialed and published psychologist. (He received his PhD from the University of Colorado at Boulder in 1966.)

So why should you care? Because Dr. Paul Cameron is the leading scientific expert on homosexuality in the eyes of many Republican judges and lawmakers, Christian fundamentalists, "family values" organizations and conservative media.
. . . . .
Cameron has now documented Early Gay Death Syndrome (EGDS). According to this new research, which Cameron claims is the largest random sex survey ever conducted, the oldest male that could be found who engaged in homosexuality was 54 years old and the oldest female was 49. According to Dr. Cameron the reason for this is because the average life span of a homosexual is 20 plus years shorter than for a heterosexual.

Read the whole article at
http://www.queersig hted.com/ 2007/03/23/ early-gay- death-syndrome/

Beyond Ex Gay Conference Coming in June

Howdy. So much going on these days...this is the time of the year where plans are announced for big events and conferences. Soulforce and BeyondExGay.com have teamed up to hold a conference at UC Irvine in California on June 29-July 1.

If you're familiar with Darlene Bogle's story from our movie, you'll understand what the ex gay thing does to people and, in Darlene's words, "doesn't ever take." People instead spend years denying their homosexuality and repressing affection and love under the belief they are sinners and must instead surround themselves in a more cultish atmosphere and continue to pray their gay away. Never mind that there are no "success" statistics, that Ted Haggard was apparently "cured" in three weeks by a group of ministers not trained in the area and the original founders of Exodus came out and lived quite happily together in love, relationship and communion.

The Beyond Ex Gay Conference is timed and located to match the ironically titled Exodus Freedom Conference in Irvine. The Conference is put on by two people who got sucked into the ex gay brain melt and have suffered a great deal from the emotional trauma. They have courage and a great story to tell.

They consider themselves survivors of the ex gay movement. They are lucky. They are lucky they got out, they are lucky they are alive. We're lucky they are alive and got out as well, that's how more people won't make the same harmful mistakes. So check out the conference, share your stories if you got involved in the ex gay groups around the country, network, come together.

If you can't make their conference, stay tuned to hear our announcement for our conference as we'll have Darlene Bogle present and she'll have a special break out group just for those who have indeed survived ex gay programming damage or are currently involved and seek options.

Transitioning City Manager in Florida in Transition

There's an interesting situation going on in Largo Florida these days. 48-year old Steve Stanton has been the city manager, and a good one, and he was outed as planning a sex-change operation in 2008 and beginning to live as a woman pre-op this summer. It threw the city residents and employees into a tizzy and he's been fired from his job. But it's okay, his contract says he can be fired from his job without cause at any time. Sounds like a crappy contract. Always read the fine print! It's one of the reasons we are self-distributing God & Gays, "standard" contracts are usually (not always) obscenely bias to the interests of the Goliath and it's up to the Davids to have the lawyer or lawyer-like knowledge to fight the uphill battle to fairness. Can you imagine how much money, time and a better working relationship it'd be if contracts started off being fair? I digress. Being a producer, I read a lot of contracts and it's not my favorite part of the job so when I see someone so overtly screwed by a line in a contract that shouldn't be there anyway because it's not fair-minded, I get riled up.

There's great debate around the City Manager ordeal. This guy has done a good job. Steve living and looking like a woman shouldn't affect his job at such a level to lose it entirely. I wonder what he was thinking as he lead up to the announcement of his plans. He had to figure he may not be welcomed and celebrated, even though his decision to become more of who he is shouldn't be judged by others as it has nothing to do with them. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing to do with them. Maybe he had trust and faith in the good of people like Anne Frank. Maybe he came to the surrender that he knew he needed to live openly and honestly to who he is, give others the chance to learn, love and grow from the opportunity and just see what happens.

I'm not shocked he was removed from his post, although he doesn't deserve it. Had he not been outed, had he always felt like a man inside and was contented by his gender identity, he'd still be merrily rolling along at his job.

But at least he had the guts to risk the publicity, the slurs, the ignorance, the lack of acceptance and understanding in order to be more of who he is. Fortunately, Equality Florida, churches and others have stepped up in support for Steve Stanton. He knows there's a segment of society that "gets it", well, maybe not all get it but we don't need to in order to support him and his courage. His situation is a testimony of what each of us must do to be more of who are. Maybe it's not a sex-change for you or me, maybe it won't be so public and there won't be hearings deciding your fate, but it still takes the courage and that's what matters. Ya gotta respect Steve.

Do you have the guts to live your life fully? I can safely bet he's already feeling happier and more relief at the most public time of his life. He's now aligned and will most likely only get stronger. Good for him, good for us all. Feel free to email comments of support to Largo city council and officers for Steve and his situation. It's heartbreaking to see that 7 people can make the call on such important decisions and 5 of them voted fear-based. Ugh. Here's to focusing on what we want to have happen...thank God for those two who voted for her!

Queer Youth Are Human

Around the country, there will be marches by GLBT youth and their supporters to several state capitols on Monday March 26th. It's happening in California and sponsored by Equality California. It's fun here in California right now as we have the most equality-supporting state assembly in a long time and they are reviewing several bills inching the state towards equality for GLBT folks. However, we have an actor as our governor and regardless of how his wife feels, one of his staff's orientation, the movement of the people in California, the wake of Newsome's marriages in San Francisco and his own touching letter ad supporting equality in last year's Human Rights Campaign gala program, he plans on vetoing marriage equality.

Luane and I recently attended a Lambda Legal function in San Francisco and in the midst of the yummy quesadillas and offering my name tag to Kevin, the ED of LL since we couldn't find one for him, I asked anyone who'd listen if there's been a possibility to have the open and affirming churches band together like the evangelical unsupportive ones have and counter sue the measures to vote in discrimination at the state and federal level.

What shut Newsome's marriage licenses down was suits by conservative church interest groups. So, where's the open and affirming church interest groups to counter? Why do the "no's" get a louder voice? Why were they able to stop the marriages when there was so much obvious support? Why didn't the voices of love and equality prevail?

I asked my sister if she'd sing a song her husband and friend wrote called "Human" at our upcoming conference. She was into it, her husband was cool with it...and the friend said no because he didn't want the song associated with the movie. I guess a song called "Human" has no place with our movie. Hmm. I sniff a pattern here.

I bring this random story up to show that even though majority ruled and it was ruling from a loving place, the fear-based, lack of understanding single voice won. We won't have "Human" sung at our conference, the positive, healing, compassionate message of the song will go unheard.

I actually get why the open and affirming, progressive, equality-minded churches aren't suing. That's not who they are. They don't spend time that way because suing is fear-based. As I've mentioned before a quote from Howard Thurman, "No one ever wins a fight" and they get that fighting isn't Jesus-like, it's not "Christian".

So, the squeaky wheel still gets the oil in the legislative world and the queer youth have to march to help shape their future to make the world a better place than they've found it.

They are focusing on the change they want to see. They are focusing on what they want to have happen and aren't cowering to circumstances. We encourage you and remind ourselves that in any way we can, we must support the Yes, support the queer and allies that say "yes, I am Human".

Just, please, say something!

I'm blessed with many people from around the world forwarding links to articles, videos, blogs, etc. to help us keep our ear on the ground of what's going on in the reconciliation movement. Our biggest concern is how people are being affected by the discourse. There's lots of people talking, but who are the listeners and what are they doing with what they hear? Is it helping or harming? Is it building people up, or breaking them down?

We were perusing through YouTube, read some articles about the "revolutionaries" of evangelical Christianity and finally caught up on an Oprah episode from December on amazing family stories. These seemingly disparate mediums had one common theme that jumped out at me.

There was a lot of talk...and nothing was actually being said. Why was that?

For example, there's a Joel Osteen video on YouTube where he and his wife are asked by Larry King their thoughts on homosexuality and what they'd do if/when one of their kids came out to them. Their answers did involve verbal response but the body language and lack of quality or depth of the answers was more emphasized.

On the Oprah episode, 14 Christian families in North Carolina adopted several orphans from Liberia while the children were in a traveling choir. No doubt the act is noble. When Oprah was wanting to learn how the culture shocks were dealt with, what the parents hoped for the children given this opportunity to live in America, etc....the answers were so on the surface, we learned nothing. I felt like they either hadn't thought much about it, or very deeply, or didn't want to tell the truth and only talk about God's nudge to adopt these children. It felt as shallow as asking them to tell me about the Bible and their answer would be "it's a good book."

This is something I've noticed for decades about people in general and something I self-check and make sure I'm working on. I used to teach a critical thinking course on the media. For a course with such subjective grading criteria, the only time an answer was flat out wrong was when there was no thought or effort behind it, when we learned nothing from it, like the Bible is a good book, the movie was "cool", and "I dunno, I just liked the TV show, it was good."

Sure, we don't have to analyze everything, but I do think it's worthwhile to challenge or at least pause once in a while and excavate where our beliefs come from - if they are really ours or are they our parents, or our friends, or an institution like church or government. God speaks to us through our intuition, which is our individuality. Do we tell the truth of our thoughts when we speak, even if it's good stuff like learning how Caucasian American families adjusted to African, Liberian teenagers in their home? Are we too much in the habit of saying what we think others want to hear, will approve of, will be the Christian answer, will be the "right" answer?

Owning our own beliefs and not having to tap dance or pretend when asked good questions worthy of thoughtful and sincere answers, builds us up and teaches others. So, I pray we shed the parroting, and speak thoughtfully so we can all learn something once in a while. I just want to learn from these articles, videos, blogs, I want to be fed nutritional meals of authenticity and wisdom. And I hope this blog is helpful, I hope it builds you up, I hope it feeds you like it feeds me.

Sexual Energy Meets Spiritual Energy

I was sent a quote that I wanted to share with y'all:

"Sexual Energy and Spiritual Energy are identical Energy. When you are tuned in, tapped in, turned on--that's the "turned on". When Source Energy flows through you, it flows through you. You cannot separate one from the other."

This quote hits our message right on. There's a part in the movie where Mel White says "come out, come out, wherever you are" and then describes how yes, by being honest about who he is and accepting himself, he lost a great deal personally and professionally. AND he gained so much more. He's since re-emerged as a fantastically successful author who's writings like Stranger at the Gate has literally saved hundreds and hundreds of lives. He says in the movie, you become the greater live-r, the greater creator, once we get on with who God made us to be.

I try to back up this point at our Q&A appearances. I talk about how I need everyone in that audience to turn down the volume of drama (as Rev. Deborah says, "drama is optional") in their lives and get on with the work we are here to do. We are here to live big, not play small. We are here to be a benefit, not a hardship to society...and ourselves. We are meant to, as my grandfather put it, "leave a room better than we found it". The more we put that mission off, the more society will dis-ease and deteriorate. It's totally reversible, we just have to choose to live out loud.

In a puritan society that either embraces the purity and judges others on it or rebels against it, the quote pasted above is a simple reminder that God made us together as one. Rev. Deborah talks about "the only thing that needs to be healed is the SENSE of separation". The separation between us is not real, it's perception. The separation from God is not real, it's perception. The separation within our sexual and spiritual selves is not real, it's perception. Everywhere around us is oneness. The sooner we get this, the sooner us and the world are healed. It's really not anymore complicated than that. That's it. The answer to all our questions is just love. The rest is drama. Enjoy being together, inside and out.

Join us with Rev. Deborah Thurs April 5th 5pm PDT/8pm EDT LIVE on a teleconference call from the privacy of your own home. To register, go to www.godandgaysthemovie.com/conference.

Senate Bills in Salem

Luane and I just returned from Salem, Oregon where Willamette University hosted God & Gays and our Q&A event. We had a great time, the rain actually took a break, which is odd as there's many jokes about Oregonians rusting in the summertime. I was born in Portland, Oregon, lived in the Portland suburb of Milwaukie for some of my childhood. It was a fantastic trip for me and well timed.

Recently, Luane and I have been clearing and organizing our garage to make way for our new family member, the Toyota Prius. I've been going through a bunch of boxes containing the remains of my childhood and adolescence. It's wild to see some of those photos, read those notes from Chemistry and watch my handwriting morph to the small print I do today.

To visit Oregon and see some of our family's stomping grounds...Lew's Dairy Freeze on McLoughlin near the Bomber restaurant and see our favorite Chinese restaurant as an empty building now that the owners have passed away...has been in some ways healing and in some ways feeling proud of my past because it made me who I am today.

I visited the Church of Christ where I was baptized at 12. I asked one of the women there how the Church of Christ is involved and handling the reconciliation dialogue and she said "we aren't." So, I asked how that's working for them, "not so great." I mentioned the stories I've been told of Harding University students committing suicide over the pressure of their beliefs and their orientation. She mentioned she's lost some friends the same way for the same reason.

I was actually inspired. The woman was kind and she was courageous. She reminded me that facts change. Facts are a snapshot in time and "this too shall pass". Her church is transitioning to being more authentically welcoming and becoming more contemporary in its style and outreach. It's a fantastic start.

I felt a shift going on in Oregon while we ran around the state, visited folks at the grass roots level and met people along the way. Currently, there are two bills in the state legislature. One about domestic partnerships and one for adding sexual orientation and gender expression as part of discrimination protection. Currently, a gay man can be fired from his job, refused housing, etc. just for being gay. At night, after the screening event, Luane and I were winding down and flipped through the TV channels. We stopped when we saw the local community station airing the hearing of SB2 which is the discrimination bill. We listened to arguments pro and con. It was fascinating. All the clergy we saw attend were for the allowance of sexual orientation being included. One minister said he felt the state government needed to lead the way for the churches as churches are historically the last ones to catch on to equality, civil rights and acceptance. Churches are the slowest to get God's message. Something funny about that.

Earlier in the day, Luane and I spoke in a Rhetoric of Religion class. This was really different than other classes we've spoken in. Our talk was more about how the messages around the topic are communicated and why. Being a media theory prof in the past, I loved it. Several guys stayed back after class and we had long talks, sometimes that's our favorite thing to do. We do most of the listening and in some cases, we're the first to hear from a student that they're struggling and just want to talk about it, just tell someone they feel safe with.

It's common our movie and event brings people out of the woodwork, out of the closet sometimes just because they finally have open support and a safe place to go. The Q&A crowd was very cool and gave us a standing ovation at the end.

Oregon's got it goin' on and I'm proud to be an Oregonian.

Challenges or Chances?

As you know, we've been in the mega planning stages for God & Gays: The Conference 2007, "Unity Is Our Identity" event coming this summer. It's been painful to not tell you all the amazing speakers we have...and the musicians too, wow! We're only a few weeks away from making our announcement and opening up registration. Hopefully, you've been saving that vacation day and set aside some moola for airfare and hotel. You have to be at this event, it's truly one of a kind. And it's been built with a lot of love from a lot of people, just for you.

By planning the conference, we have had tremendous success in getting people to appear. People from all walks of life have stepped up and shown their energy and support and when we see and get to feel that warmth, we know we're doing the right thing.

Then there's the times where things are going so smoothly...and then a hiccup. For example, to help keep the costs down and be able to publicize the Conference the way we're planning, we've needed to hold a few fundraisers. We're seeking people who get what this event will do in people's lives, who get the vision of providing such unconditional support. We're looking to bridge a gap, not only with the movie but also the Conference. There's conferences, curriculum, organizations, etc. that approach politics, law, pastors, denomination leaders, business leaders and thank God for them and the work they do. The area we can serve is providing safe space for the silent and struggling, for their parents, for their colleagues, their neighbors sitting with them in church and for the straight but not narrow supporters to come and show their strength.

The hiccup we've been experiencing lately resembles the challenges we had when making the movie. Corporations and business support and cheer us on, but feel they can't publicly support or help provide backing. We made the movie from church, individual and credit card money. We were determined to tell this story and have accumulated a great deal of support since it's been made. People seem to get it after it's done...like when I've finished doing the dishes and Luane comes in and asks if she could help...a little too late, but the intention is received.

Now, we're in this stage again of starting something new and the same challenges arise...businesses still are shying away, etc. Like completing the movie, we'll continue to forge on and hold this Conference. It has to be an option for people. What other options are there? Exodus International and Cross Ministries have continual one day conferences at churches that attract thousands of people. They recently had Phoenix, AZ buzzing.

If people really think their only choice is to just pray harder and numb yourself to a spiritual zombie in an unhappy heterosexual marriage, it's just nuts and I can't sit by and let it happen. I know we can reconcile, I know God made us this way, I know God wants us to live fully, honestly and completely to our potential and spend our energy giving to others and making this a more beautiful world versus wallowing in drama and self torture victimization.

So the movie is more than a movie to us. These hiccups, these challenges, these "no's" are just "okay then, next!" chances. The conference will happen. It'll be affordable to attend. It will blow your mind. It'll change your heart. It'll help all of us be more of who we are.

Please be in prayer for us throughout the rest of the planning stages. We feel so blessed to have this chance, to have this opportunity to serve in this way. Thanks for being with us and if you're wondering how you can help, the best thing you could do is share this blog, our web site, the link to purchase the DVD with everyone you know. If you're in chat rooms, bring up the movie and how people can get it. If you are in social networking groups, tell your network, if you belong to a church, get an insert in your bulletin...this is how you can help us. This is how you can help us, help you (to quote Jerry MacGuire). There are no challenges before us, only chances. Thanks for taking this chance with us.

Wanna Talk to Rev. Deborah Johnson?

Thanks to everyone who joined us last week on our first God, Gays & You Live Interview call with Luane and I. The questions were great, we hope something we said was helpful and informative. We didn't mention Dotti Berry and her arrest at Focus on the Family because we thought you'd prefer to hear the story from her mouth directly!

Dotti and her partner Robynne will join us for the May call along with someone who used to indirectly work for Focus on the Family, Darlene Bogle. Darlene just published her long-awaited follow up to Long Road to Love which was written when she worked as a leader for Exodus International (which is supported by Focus on the Family). Darlene has lived a lot of life since those days and her story is captivating. You hear some of it in our movie but to learn more, check out her new book, A Christian Lesbian Journey.

In April, we will have the one and only, Rev. Deborah Johnson on the conference call. Many of you have mentioned how she affected you through the movie, some have said you'd do anything just to say thank you to her, for her words touching you so deeply and changing you.

Now's your chance. Join us Thursday, April 5th 5pm PDT/8pm EDT for a one hour exclusive interview and Q&A session with "Rev. D.". We'll also officially announce our conference line up, location and dates. You gotta be on this call, there'll never be another one like it! Luane and I will take your questions over yahoo! IM and ask them for you to Rev. D. during the call and if time permits, we'll open up the lines and take your verbal questions or comments.

The whole year of the God, Gays & You Series is all scheduled and it's all for you. Subscribe to the Series today: www.godandagaysthemovie.com/conference. As a subscriber, you'll get access to the recorded version of the call to download and keep.

Hope you can join us...I CAN'T WAIT for Thursday, April 5th. Talk to you then!

Our 8 Mile

As you know, Luane is training for a marathon for the Leukemia Society's team in training. I was able to join her last weekend during the "buddy run". Keep in mind, I played softball, volleyball and basketball in my youth and although I've been raised around a bunch of long-distance and marathon runners, I've not been one myself.

However, my native American grandmother did give me the name "Gazelle". I have a picture of a cartoon gazelle on my cell phone, it's a great reminder...that I have long legs.

One of the workshops I teach is about getting out of our comfort zones. Now, I'm big on practicing what one preaches so to run with Luane during the 8 mile buddy run was a big step out of my comfort zone. The most I'd ever run at once was 4 miles, and that was just a couple of months ago.

When we showed up to the stretching area to begin the buddy run, I couldn't believe where we were and the trail we were to take. Where we live, we have beaches and mountains. This run was in the mountains. No joke. Not only was I expected to run 8 miles at 7.30am on a Saturday, but in the mountains. Starting at the bottom. Winding around to go back up again. Twice.

Fortunately, I didn't head trip for long. I just stretched, let the mountain be a mole hill and started running. And I'm still alive and can walk. I did it, I ran 8 miles and Luane who just a few years ago was on her back from five car accidents in one year, ran 8 miles too.

So, Luane and I are taking on all kinds of comfort zone breakers in our personal and professional life (see the consistency blog below), we encourage you to do the same. It's fun and we can all use a little more fun.

Blogging on Olivia

Great news...Olivia Cruises is starting a social networking site and they've asked us to be featured blogging columnists. I'll be doing most of the blogging a couple days a week, Luane will dictate her parts (I type faster) as the blog will be more broad than this blog, we'll talk about films, filmmaking and well, whatever we feel like talking about I suppose.

The site is in beta now, the blogs will go up the beginning of April. Stay tuned and we'll let you know when it's live. Be assured you don't have to be a woman or even gay to be on the site. It's an equal opportunity site of course. Hope you'll participate and enjoy the new Olivia site!

You Say It's Your Birthday

Today, I turn 38. I remember on my 30th birthday...I was so pissed. Not in a drunk way, I've never been into drinking, but in the ticked off way. I liked being in the 20-something category and was mad I was now 30. Then, I realized a very important fact of life...at this moment, I'm the youngest (biologically) I'll ever be again. I am older than I was five minutes ago, and so on.

This a-ha has helped me every birthday...I'm so young right now...and now....and now....and now. Makes me stay present...and as they say, we call it present because it's a gift.

I look at my being mad at being 30 and wish I was 30 again. This reminds me of the story about the 95 year old woman who said, "oh to be 70 again.". It's all relative, isn't it.

So, for your birthday, hug your mom and thank her for going through hell to have you on this day. I crack my mom up every year when I say thank you to her as I usually celebrate her on my birthday. I had the easy part I figure.

I was born 3.33am, late by a month apparently, already tall right out of the womb and a pisces which helps me understand why my work is my life and my life is my work. Well, I read that on some astrology site anyway.

Happy Birthday to you, whenever it is. Make sure to celebrate you, we are to be our own biggest fans. I'm off to eat Italian food and a dessert thing called a "pazookie"...so typical of Luane and I to eat something with such a bizarre name....of course, it includes a chocolate chip cookie, 2 in fact. Go big or go home. :)

Consistently Inconsistent

Howdy folks. One of the things I'm continuing to improve in my life is consistency. This comes to mind immediately as I blog for the first time in forever it seems. I miss it actually. I'm in my element when I write (sometimes stream of consciousness in all honesty) blogs, articles and just about everything. It comes with the cost of sitting at a computer however. We're filmmakers, we like to be up and about...using clothespins to hold up gels for lights (called C-47s in "the biz"), eating pizza inbetween takes and waiting for the plane over head to go by so audio is happy.

The other time I feel in my element is when we're doing a Q&A after a screening, teaching at a workshop, and participating on panels. I LOVE it. I taught for 8 years at a university and sometimes I'd only walk into the classroom with a topic and I'd end up with the best discussion and epiphanies I could share...never could happen when I planned it out. It's when I feel most connected to God, actually, which is probably why I'm so happy doing it. I always pray before we start that what is said is what is supposed to be said and always out of love and courage to be authentic. If you've come to a screening, hopefully that resonates with you and your experience with us and the movie.

The reason I mention my moments of being in my element and consistency is because I had a meeting with Rev. Deborah Johnson (she's in the movie) and we had an incredible talk about a million things and one of them was consistency. She helped me realize that when I look at the life stuff I don't enjoy as much and the times I worry or doubt or go chasing after outcomes I seek, I'm making something else my God. She mentioned that when I'm writing, when I'm doing public speaking, that's when I'm making God...God in my life. That's when I am trusting, when I have faith and it has always worked out for the best.

By not taking that faith, that trust, that connection with me in the rest of my life, I'm therefore disconnecting and placing faith in something or someone else...which leads to disappointment, fear, and more. It's like a universe safety measure...make something else your focus and it won't work...guaranteed. Rev. D. talks about how we as humans are charged to "tend the garden" and be careful to not run around and say "we do God's work". God's work is God's, it's not ours. We're to do what it is before us to do. What a relief, huh? As a result, we fit into the rhythm of life as God's work flows through us when we make ourselves available for it by not making our job, our movie (maybe that's just me), our plans, our mate the most important aspect of our focus as it drowns under pressure.

So, in the spirit of what Valerie Joi reminds us in the movie and what Rev. D reminded me yesterday, consistency is the key. Remember how you feel when you're in your element...and take it with you wherever you go.

Luane's a Marathoner in Training

Last week, Luane and I went to my Grandfather's memorial race in their small cowboy town here in California. My grandfather started this race when the town library was having financial difficulty and couldn't buy anymore big print books. Well, my grandmother, the avid reader and wise native american owl she was, read those big print books. They weren't just for her either, she'd read them out loud and record them so my grandfather and his traveling insurance salesmen friends could listen to them...the first audiobooks ever recorded.

My grandfather started running marathons in his sixties, was very active in the local Lions Club and a running club. He gathered his boys together and started a run for the library. After he passed - before his time - they named the race after him. We're proud as a family and reunite every February at the race. It's a special time to me.

Somehow, Luane and I missed the 1 mile run she signed up for and she ended up spontaneously running with me in the 5k. She not only was wearing her ski jacket but she also had to visit the bathroom...during the whole 3.2 miles. She did it. This is a woman who wasn't sure she could do a mile, someone who just a few years ago experienced FIVE car accidents in one year and was on her back for months.

She's truly a miracle. She rehabbed herself and just did a 5k....with a ski jacket on. While on the run, she met Team in Training members of the Leukemia Society. She was moved and fell for the idea that through a team situation, she may be able to handle a half marathon (13 miles).

She comes home, signs up with the local team, and they had been training for two months already. She shows up to the her first run with them and she runs 8 miles. No joke. In two weeks she went to "maybe I can do a mile" to running 8 miles (no ski jacket this time).

She signed up to run an entire marathon in Alaska in June. I'm so incredibly proud of her I can't contain it well. I run with her on her "buddy" runs and love being her cheerleader and number one fan. She's had this goal since last year and hadn't acted on it. Then, it ran along side of her and her ski jacket and she grabbed it.

Funny how life has a knack for showing up at the right time....here's to all the quantum leapers out there running a mile to 26 in whatever you do!

Alexandria - Success & Spheres

Maybe not the most PC of titles, but hey, truth is truth. Thanks to HRC, I flew to Alexandria, VA to be present with a screening of our movie at the Black History Museum hosted by the Alexandria GLCA. They are on fire...going from 30 to 300+ ACTIVE members in a short time, building alliances with Equality Virginia, local UCC churches, Virginia Partisans and many other community and political members.

I was fortunate to meet many of them in my brief stay and I'm a better person for it. I flew all day across the country reading Joe Vitale's Life's Missing Instruction Manual, somehow was sprite with energy when Richard picked me up in Baltimore and we enthusiastically chatted the whole way to VA. We recounted our days growing up in the Church of Christ...me in Oregon and him in Mississippi. We got there in plenty of time and had a wonderful dinner that included jasmine rice and this green bean thing that was to die for.

If you've been keeping up with this blog, you know there's two goals I have to every visit I'm on: eat at a locally owned restaurant and find a chocolate chip cookie (no nuts). Considering I was in VA from 5pm Thurs night until 5am the next morning, I managed to manifest both without even trying.

Greeted by Karen and Lewis who hosted the screening and enjoying the room filling up more and more to the point we had to keep the doors open and squish more chairs along the walls and...well, everywhere. This was the first Q&A I handled solo and although there were times I tried to toss a question to Luane's ghost, I think I did okay. The feedback was fantastic and the audience was very supportive and energized. I LOVED being at the Black History Museum in February with this movie. It was perfect. This is also where I had my first cookie.

During the Q&A, I try to find a way to encourage all of us to, in the words of Rev. D., "take this consciousness and multiply it"....so we are mindful of rippling out this energy and unconditional love and compassion for ourselves and others and not let it be a moment in passing. I retold a story Richard told me of two high school girls who allegedly committed suicide in a flash of Romeo and Juliet moment. One jewish, one a Christian, both women. And they wanted to be together. Taking their lives was how they thought they could be together. Had the screening been two weeks earlier, had someone who understands reconciliation gotten through to them and been a safe space for them....what ifs abound. For those of us in this work, we know how textbook this behavior choice has become, and how it almost became our story.

So that's how I'll wrap up this blog...you never know who's in your sphere of influence who could use your support - and remember, you don't have to understand in order to support - to be who they are, to have a safe space to go to...be out there and you'll be the change you hope to see.